My next door neighbours (in the next field)(they're horses, i.e. neighbours - Geddit?)(But not really - arf arf!)
Well anyway my neighbours were having their usual Tuesday afternoon shennanigans; these normally involve crowbars and other blunt instruments, with the odd bayonet thrown in for good measure, when ... all of a sudden ... it all went ... quiet!
Then I heard a door slam, with such ferocity that my tin of pilchards fell off the mantelpiece.
Mr Vladtheimpaler from next door was stomping down the road swearing to himself so volubly that he made Old Alkie Ron from the Pig and Whistle sound like Prince Charles. But what had happened to his wee wifey?
Well, I looked out of the window and saw that he had tied her to a tree with her own straitjacket cords. She was unable to move. It started to rain. It didn't look as though she had her mobile phone with her, so would be unable to contact emergency services.
So what did I do? I ordered her a mobile phone, online, and they promised to deliver it within a week, so she'll be able to phone the police/ambulance/local psychiatric unit.
I just don't know what she'd have done without me. It's just SO important to be a good neighbour.