I've laid an egg!

Thinking about the cartoon SHARP I posted yesterday, I have been thinking about how I could create my own unique approach to cartooning that would be unique to me, and not give The Creative Genius credit for work that I have done, using his idea.

This got me thinking. What if instead of drawing a cartoon in a unique shape, such as a triangle, I drew a cartoon in an egg shape instead and called it an egg?


I could lay an egg, each and every day!

Community Relations.

Another popular cartoon from my archives. This one nearly appeared in a school newsletter about community relations between the authorities and young people, but the head of year thought it might corse offence. Oh well. Educations loss, is you're gain (as a reader of this blog!).


I don't hold back when I'm using my cartoons to make cutting comentary on current issues in today's multicultural society. Today a maverick, tommorrow an inspired genius that new what was going on all the time? Perhaps!

Gel Pen Manufacturers Blog

I've found this very interesting website all about Gel Pens. The Gel Pen's Manufacturers Blog. A very interesting blog about Gel pens, and how they were invented. Anyone can now use gel pens.

Gel pens tend to produce a bolder line and smudge less than other types of pen. The ink can also be produced in a much wider range of colors and this can include fluorescent, metallic and glittery effects which can work well on darker paper. The size of the nib on a gel pen can vary from around 0.18mm to 1.5mm and the advantages that they provide make them popular with a range of professions. This can include teachers, with the bold lines and vibrant color showing up well when marking papers and also graphic artists with the range of colors suiting them well. However they can be used by anyone and as well as being simply for writing they are also popular for art, with the colors and effects in which they can be produced making them ideal for this.

I think this is true, that anyone can now use Gel pens. You don't need to be a proffessional to use them anymore since they were invented in the 1880's. I imagine back then they were very expensive and people without any money couldn't buy them. As you know I'm a big fan of the GEL PEN. I find that somehow my cartoons are more funnier when they are drawn by GEL PENS. And having them available in so many bright and vivid colours is just an added bonus for me, you, teachers, and professional graphic designers the world over.


All hail the GEL PEN! 


Here's a caricature of my son, which looks nothing like him:

I've won the lottery.

Wonderful news has just broke. Someone in the UK has won the Euromillion lottery. I haven't won this lottery, but I have won the lottery of life. However if I did win the lottery and had lots of money all of a sudden I would probably give up cartooning for a while. After all, I'm only in this game to get rich.

But if I had won the lottery, after I'd paid off all my debts to Bright-Home, The Kays Catalogue, Primark store card, and YES car credit - I would probably give the rest of the money away! Always I have been known for my generous and modest nature. All those times I've told big Dave in the chippy to "keep the penny, put it in the jar for the spastics", and other such random acts of kindness that I would never publicise myself, out of an extreme sense of modesty. I'd probably give so much away to Save The Mongolian House Butterfly and the Conservative Benevolent Fund, that there'd be none left for myself! LOL

But with the money left, I would definitely buy a Rolls Royce Album, or possibly a CD. And then give it to a children's charity for new hearing aids or something like that. I don't know what they'd use the money for. Perhaps some new balls for their ball pool? I don't know. I've never visited a children's charity.

I'm going to draw Penelope Cruze.

I've decided that it might be quite good fun to draw somthing cartoonists call a caricature. That is a picture (or drawing) of someone done in a cartooney style, but instead of just looking like a cartoon drawing that I've copied from another cartoonist (so many cartoons are all the same these days. Drawn with lines. Lettering for the caption etc) this one will look like I had the celebrity right there in front of my drawing pad when I did this.

My plan to do this drawing and make it look like the celebrity that I want it to look like is to draw the picture while quickly looking at my pad and then quickly looking at a photo of the celebrity back and forth as I go. I'm going to draw the celebrity just like they appear in the photo, and then exaggerate their features to add some fun and uniqueness to the drawing. If I didn't do this, then it would just be a drawing of the celebrity.

Remember I am not an artist, and I'm also a single mum.

I'm hoping Penelope Cruze will give me at least £20 for this drawing caricature of herself image.

Here we go.....

I think that worked out quite well. I'm sending it to Penelope Cruze today, but I have to send it by email, as I don't have a colour printer. If she wants it for her art collection, she'll just have to print it out herself.

Doing business on the internet.

If only I'd discovered the wonders of gel pens when I was younger. Perhaps I'd have chosen to be a cartoonist much earlier in life when I was younger? As it was I didn't decide to be a cartoonist until February this year. At first I thought it might be difficult, but then I joined a cartoonist forum and after giving some advice to the other cartoonists on there, I decided to give up my job at the drop in centre and devote my life to making wonderful cartoons and making people smile, with my dynamic and unique cartoons, always remembering that those that criticise are just jealous of my natural abilities to make people laugh. Everyone who has seen one of my cartoons has laughed at me - and there's no better endorsement of brilliant talent then that!  


Here's a quick look back at some of those cartoons.

High Definition TV

I'd like to admit that I don't watch much television these days, but I am very interested in these adverts I keep seeing on the TV that I don't watch about something they are calling High Definition TV (or television). It seems that even really terrible programs are enhanced by this super quality Television pictures available with High Definition TV.

I don't know about you, but I'd certainly like to see the skin pores on Angela Rippons face while she was hosting Cash in the Attic. I imagine she looks amazing for someone of her 'mature' age in years. She may be old, but I'm very much of the opinion that she'll never be an ugly munter. She'll be the best looking corpse in the grave yard, that's for sure. She's not even the sort to take out frivolous restraining orders, unlike pint sized Scottish belters, like Lulu for example. 

Anyway, I'm considering buying some HD (high definition) TV this weekend. I'm not sure what I need, but I reckon something around 40" will fit quite nicely in my through lounge alcove. 

Tea Towel Misery. Not my fault.

No one knows how hard it is. I sit here, in between re-runs of Cash In The Attic, and Diagnosis Murder She Wrote wondering what I can drawer the people will hand over hard cash to have printed on a tea towel. It's not as easy as I thought it was going to be all those months ago. Sourcing Tea Towels that don't have a heavy Gingham pattern is the hardest part of the whole process.

Where can I buy plain cotton tea towels without any pattern on?

Perhaps I shouldn't have taken all those orders. Perhaps those people will never order something every again from the Internet because of me. Wedding anniversary's ruined, engagement parties cancelled. And it's all because of the tea towel mafia in this country that insist on ONLY making Gingham tea towels.

Perhaps with the new Government we are about to get, things will change and we can move this economy forwards.

I'm currently processing orders for shopping bags without zips. I hope I can find some.

Funny Greetings Cards.

I've decided that it's about time that I began to be a successful Funny Greetings Card artist, alongside being a fantastic cartoonist and article writer.

There's something wrong with the Zazzle shop that I set up, as no matter how many brilliant designed funny greetings cards I post on there, I'm not making any sales at all. Clearly it's something to do with the Zazzle software. I tried to make them aware of the problem, but they are just ignoring my emails.

Nevermind. Here is a few designs of my fantastic cartoon greetings cards, designs.

How to get ideas for cartoons when you don't have any ideas, but you do have a gel pen and a blank piece of paper.

I am often asked by the many dozens of people that follow this and the many other search engine optimised blogs and websites that I write and drawer for, how I think of all my brilliant ideas.


I have to be honest, sometimes it's not easy. Producing such high quality articles and mediocre cartoons all the bloody time is not easy. I am of course helped by my wonderful co-authors with some  excellent Talent Free articles, when they can be bothered, but most of the responsibility rests on me!

What I do when I'm struggling to come up  with a brilliant idea is to think of some interesting things that are happening around me. I use my eyes, and have a look around the room. If that fails, then I open the curtains and look outside. Watching people go about their normal business can be a great idea for inspiration. Only the other day, my good friend and legal expert, Burt was obviously unloading his daughter in laws car. By observing the carrier bags that all the shopping was in, I could see that they must have been to the Co-Op. This got me thinking about how these days it's so hard to buy anything in a shop without being asked in an accusational tone if you'd like a carrier bag. This made me think of a wonderful idea for a cartoon. Unfortunately it did not give me an idea for a brilliant article, so I'm just posting the cartoon.

Hilarious Topical Carrier Bag Cartoon

Improve your life, improve your website.

Do you have a boring website? Does it lack a special quality? Does it lack high impact articles written by a modest, but at the same time brilliant article writer?

Well I may be able to help you with your shitty, worthless website, and possibly your life at the same time. My Name is Leonard, and I'm a highly experienced Article Writer, Cartoonist and Spiritualist. I can write you an article for your website that will engage your readers, who quite frankly are probably completely bored at having nothing to read on your website. I can also produce wonderful, original cartoons that will increase customers and inspire them to spend lots of money on your online store.


Some areas of expertise that I can write articles on include:

• Relationship advice (I've had many many relationships in my time - so  I know what I'm talking about)
• Basic car maintenance (mostly covering any model Vauxhall made between 1980 - 1992)
• Hedge Trimmers
• Argos Returns Policy
• Gel pens (Glitter and regular)
• How to  manipulate Google into giving your worthless site a much higher ranking than decent, interesting sites. 

So there you have it. For a very reasonable hourly fee (starting from only £20) you too could have a website, without having to write any decent content for it yourself.

CASH & CHIPS.

I am often asked if it's just brilliant cartoons that I drawer. Well no, as well as ghost writing for many well known local celebrities and of course drawing brilliant cartoons which get fantastic Google rankings (therefor proof that they are brilliant) I also drawer life-likey portraits of famous people like that Scottish singer LULU. As loyal readers will know, I've already posted some of the many hundreds of portraits I have drawn over the years. Well here is a another one! Hope you like it.

Taking of pies reminds me of a funny story that once happened to me that was true to life as anything that could happen to me when I was younger, in my younger days.

A friend of mine (not her, the other one) once arranged to meet in outside the local fish shop. There I was, stood for what seemed like minutes outside the local Fish & Chip shop, when she walked around the corner. "Where have you been?" She said. I told her I was standing outside the local fish shop, as she had arranged. Turns out that she had been stood outside the local FISH shop, looking at the Guppies and selection of air pumps in the window! We had a good laugh about that all the way home (I can't remember why we were meeting outside any shop, but that's another hilarious story). I said to her, "If I ever become a world famous cartoonist, I can use that to make a really amusing story one day". She thought I was insane. I sued her for slander, and her marraige fell apart, but as they say - that's another story...

Which paper to use for drawing on with pencil?

Choosing Paper for Beginning Drawing

Which Pencil?

I am often asked which type of pencil I use to draw my wonderful cartoons. Do I use a cheap HB pencil from the post office perhaps? Do I use some expensive pencils bought from a blind monk with a dodgy knee perhaps?


Of course not. Get away from me, you lunatic. Is often my reply. Why is it so hard to get somebody sectioned these days?


But I realise that for many aspiring cartoonist that read my website looking for brilliant advice on getting on in the easy game of drawing silly little pictures for large amounts of money the choice of pencil is very important. I personally don't use pencils for my artwork, as I think it's better to draw directly onto the paper (I read that in a book). Drawing with pencil is for spineless cowards, who quite frankly don't have the skill or balls to spend 5 hours on a complex drawing directly in ink. I'm a MAN, and I draw directly in INK! So what if sometimes my pictures don't turn out quite as I intended? Remember, it's NOT the outcome that's important. If you attempt to draw a dog, and it ends up looking more like a goat - it doesn't matter! That's what the experts call, a unique style. (it's also what I call it).


It's also worth remembering that your clients are paying £20 per hour, so to spend hours and hours re-drawing cartoons to make them look perfect is going to cost your client money, and in this difficult economic climate money is a rare thing. No. It's much better to be quick. Draw what you want to draw, and be done with it. If it's not looking right, at least it's going to be cheap - and that's very important these days.