Making smooth images for the internet age.

I have been struggling for some time with getting the images I create to look just right on my website, or blog. No matter how low I make the resolution, or how many filters I apply, the images often look very poor quality.

I have decided that this must be because everyone else makes their jpeg images with Vector Graphics or something very technicological like that. Not knowing anything about vector graphics, I have decided to produce all my work in vector images from now on. Fortunately I don't have any commissions at the moment (that was lucky!) so I'll have time to play around with the various settings and get this right, and then advise others on how to be an expert with vector graphics.

Keep watching this space. I'm downloading http://inkscape.org/ now and hope to learn how to use this very soon. Smooth graphics are on the way soon!

Government Spends £17,500 on wine.

News today reveals that the Government has spend £17,500 on wine since the general election! Going on the read the news report, it sets out that they buy wine young, to benefit from a lower price. I find that quite a ridiculous claim, as when I was young and getting others to buy some wine for me, it cost exactly the same as it did for someone of the legal age.

It seems this Government has taken no time at all to immerse themselves in sleaze. I expected they'd at least wait until the Christmas party before they'd conduct themselves in such an appalling manner. All the while, us poor taxpayers and working mothers are struggling with the constant pressure on our own alcohol budgets/nappy buying. Always offers on cheap cider, but how rare are 2 for 1 offers on nappies? (not that my grown  up children need nappies, unless they drink too much White Lightening!). Why can't the Government just buy cheap wine from one of the supermarkets? They could have got at least twice as much booze for less than £17,500. Probably they could have got some special offers or something, like I did only last week in Asda.

It's the population that should be spending record amounts on alcohol since the general election - not the Government!

How to make people laugh at your business.

Business is a serious business and nothing more so now that business is in declining from the recession created by Gordon Brown in his last budget. I have some experience of business management and franchise operations ( over 8 months at Burger King alone!) so I feel well placed to advise business people about their businesses.

Firstly, it's important to understand why your business isn't doing so well. Could it be that what you are selling, or the service you are offering isn't suitable for the current ecomonic climate that we all find ourselves in right now? Perhaps you are a luxury goods provider, and people can't afford your luxury goods at the moment, because they have just lost their jobs. Maybe you should think of opening a pound shop on your premises until things pick up a bit?

Pound shops can be an excellent place to conduct business when people haven't got enough money and they need a cheap car cleaning spong and a multipack of hula hoops to see them through the dark days of the worst recession we've ever seen since the last one.

Changing your business is just one step you can take to avoid having to live like a common or garden chav, but while you are busy 'downsizing' your business to something more suited to the economic reality of life these days in post Soviet Britain, you also need to consider that no business can go from high class watch makers and jewellers, to a pound shop without some excellent publicity materials and promotion.

If someone in Angola wants to find a pound shop in Sheffield for instance, you want to get the very best possible search result in Google. It's no good having meta tags or keywords for Sheffield Pound Shop - as all the other pound shops in Sheffield will have gone for that obvious tag. No, what you need is something more specific, like for instances thus this, if your name is David Groat, then what you need is to be number 1 for the search term "david groat, no longer a high class watch maker and jeweller, but now a pound shop until things pick up a bit"

Using this sytem will guarantee you the number 1 spot for anyone anywhere in the whole world who wants to know where the best pound shop is in northern Britain. and searches for that term!

Alongside all of that there services which can be provided by any good popular SEO expert, you will need something eyecatching to attract people to your new pound shop (or whatever scummy type of business you decide to do until things pick up a bit). I suggest that something like a cartoon logo for your shop and publicity material would be a very good start.

Here is an few examples of the sort of cartoon logos that I can create for your business to see you through the recession, and avoid that sale of that much loved kidney.

I can be contacted for quotes for all such commissioned work via my normal contact email address (business email) leonard.gubbins@googlemail.com or HERE

Handy finger insertion (3)

In the final tutorial of this short tutorials on how to draw hands for your cartoon charactures, we are going to explore with the pointed finger or 'the wiggle' as some cartoonist call it. This can be a very important techique to give your characture a realistic and believable relationship with other charactures in your drawings. It can also help if a characture is able to point at something that isn't as obvious as it should be, or just needs to press a button (such as in Robot cartoons and the thus suchlike).

Beware of women on the blob.

I was holding out for Cathy to write this article, but it looks like she is more concerned with Kitchen utensils and such like things like her garden furniture!

Women are extremely amusing when they have their periods, as anyone who owns one will know. They are snappy and unreasonable at the best of times, but they are even worst when they have the painters in so to speak, and this always makes a great subject for a greetings card, or Valentines card (too late for that). There's great humour in mild aliments like periods or the monthlies. Everyone loves to laugh at the angry lady, as it such where was thus.

This cartoon (like nearly all of them) is for sale for business use. Perhaps you have a lipstick discount store, or you sell books to feminists? Then this cartoon could be the ideal image for your poster campaign advert, just in time for the summer!

Off my shopping trolley.

I'm often asked what I know about layers and backgrounds. To be honest, very little, but I'm not going to let something like that stop me from explaining to you what they are.

Here's a picture I recently did for a childrens book illustration (due to be published within the next 2 years).

As you can see I have created a rather wonderful background for this picture with very professional looking gradients (more about them later).
Now the trick is to use layers for each element of the picture, so I can get rid of the bits of the picture which I don't want to be there with just a simple click of my moose. Thus, therefore this:

And thus there we have it. Off with the shopping trolley. I didn't have to draw the picture twice. I used the layers function of the menu to 'hide' the shopping trolley from view before saving it twice. That bit was the hardest work.

Here's the background on it's own, which you can download to place your own creations withon it. What funny ideas can you think of for such a background image? Perhaps you'd like to draw a dog, or maybe some kind of man with a large gardening implement? I'm looking forward to seeing them all. Please email them to me at the usual address (please, no more Korean spam). The one which wins the first prize will win an all expenses trip to having a link on this very website to their own website.

Tutorial: How to cartoon a Prawn Dopiaza

Today I am going to show you how to create the perfect cartoon of one of the finest dishes of the subcontinent.

First choose a Curry House. Personally I recommend the Bilash in Wolverhampton but any good restaurant serving Indian cuisine will do.

The next step is key to your success. After being seated, place your order. This should consist of 6 bottles of Cobra or Kingfisher with a dozen poppadums and assorted chutneys to start and a Prawn Dopiaza to follow. However, you must insist your main course is not brought to the table until you have polished off your starter in its entirety.

When your Prawn Dopiaza arrives you should now bring out a pen or pencil and begin to draw the dish as realistically as possible on the plain paper serviette that will have been supplied to you.

(Some upmarket restaurants insist on giving you a cotton serviette, so it is always worth having a spare paper version of your own in your top pocket.)

Now sit back and admire. The theraputic qualities of the refreshing Cobra or Kingfisher will miraculously transform your artistic endeavour into a first rate cartoon.

Bon appetit!

Creating new areas of business for the cartoon market business.

I am often asked how I sell my cartoons to so many varied clients. Parish magazines, missing cat posters, local business directories etc. The reason that I sell so many wonderful cartoons to so many dull publications is that I approach them and suggest that they publish my cartoons. I start with an impartial appraisal of their publication (for free) which usually confirms what I believed all along, that their publication is rather dull and needs some cartoons to brighten it up.

I then offer them a cartoon I've already drawn for free. They usually take this up, even if it has nothing to do with the nature of the publication. It's amazing how many parish magazines will publish a caraciture of LuLu, if it's offered for free. They need to fill space in their magazines, just like big name, national publications do. Once I have them 'hooked' on my unique style of drawing (a few complimentary letters to the editor always help - thanks mum!) I then send them another cartoon for the next issue, but I forget to mention that this one isn't free. Once they have published it, I send them and invoice and threaten them with legal action if they don't pay the £20 they owe me!

Obviously this trick only works once, or maybe twice, if the publication is badly organised. That's an example of parish magazines. Missing pet posters is another lucrative market place for local cartoonists. Most people put up dull photocopies of their missing pets, which is not at all eye catching. I usually take down the poster and when I get home phone the phone number. Yes, they get excited thinking you've found their beloved pet - but when I suggest that their pet might never be found without an eye catching poster, they often ask for help in making the poster better. The budget for cartoon missing pet posters is usually quite small, but with some gentle persuaction they can usually be agreed to cut back on the 'reward' money to fund a wonderful pet cartoon portrait (I charge extra if there's a funny story behind the pet going missing). An added bonus is that if the pet is never found, they still have a wonderful memento of their pet to treasure for years to come!

There's just a few ideas for all you budding cartoonists out there. Next week: Elderly dead relative caricatures, good idea or bad?

Cartooning by numbers...

The invitation by Leonard G to contribute to this blog on my specialist subject of Gillingham left me in rather a quandry.

Initially I considered throwing in the towel because I just couldn't see a common thread between Cartooning and Gillingham. They just don't go together in the same way as Morecambe and Wise, Cheech and Chong or Prawn and Dopiaza.

Suddenly though it all became clear. The common thread is numbers. More specifically 3 and 20. The most obvious link being that both words have three syllables and the two together have 20 letters.

That's the tip of the iceberg though. Gillingham station has 3 platforms, 3 town centre bus stops serve the Medway Maritime Hospital and the town offers 3 types of public transport, train, bus and taxi. On the football field, Gillingham have won 3 of their home league games by scoring 3 goals and getting 3 points on each occasion.

On to cartooning. In my book there are 3 types of newspaper cartoon; political, gag and strip. Cartoon characters occasionally come in threes...Huey, Dewey and Lewey being one example. And the most popular format for a newspaper strip cartoon uses three panels

It's with the figure 20 though that the most extraordinary similarity rears its head. Mr. Gubbins own brand of cartoonery is designed to relieve "punters" of a crisp £20 note. Gillingham Football Club are set up in a similar way. A ticket to watch the next home match against Huddersfield will set you back a modest...yes you've guessed it. How uncanny!