How can I become a successful cartoonist?

How can I become a successful cartoonist? This is a question I once asked myself, before I became a successful cartoonist. Many "professional" cartoonists will try to tell you how difficult it is to make a decent living from drawing cartoons of a hilarious nature, but they are wrong.

People of all ages love cartoons. Any cartoons. Any age. People of as young as 10 or 12 love cartoons, although these are technically children, they are still people. Sometimes older people love cartoons as well, unless they are a little old and doddery and don't really understand anything anymore, or perhaps they have just lost their glasses.

People who have lost their glasses don't generally like cartoons, but rest assured that once they find their glasses again, or get a new prescription they love them again.

As a cartoonist you can draw all sorts of cartoons. I like to create unique cartoons using a unique drawing method that other cartoonists don't use, as I don't want to be like other cartoonists with their swimming pools and helicopters - I want to be unique, I want to be me!

I could spend hours and hours learning how to copy drawer cartoons just like other cartoonist, but I want people to be able to look at one of my unique and universally hilarious cartoons and just know it's something I've inflicted on them. This is important to me, as I don't want people to have to read the cartoon and then read a signature of who drew it. People are busy, and if they have to read a signature, they might not have time to read the cartoon (or look at it, if it is a visual cartoon).

What would the point of just having time to look at a signature, and not having time to look at the cartoon, especially if you are in a dreadful hurry to get out of the house to buy some new glasses so you can then appreciate cartoons your mind goes to mush and then you can't.

So in summery, people love cartoons. It doesn't matter how you create them, they will buy them. With a bit of luck they might buy more cartoons in the future - but don't fall for the old cliche of old cartoonists with helicopters. They are just protecting their business. They don't want new people to become cartoonists, because they have swimming pools.

Fiesta Magazine...

I have always been interested in reading about cars such as the Ford Fiesta (MkI version only). and thought it would be a great idea to learn how to draw a Ford Fiesta and then perhaps I could start a new career with illustration for something like Auto Car magazine. Many people draw cars that look like this:

Which of course is no good at all. The suspension on such a car would never clear a speed hump, or even a sleeping policeman. And there's no rear lights. It's very important when drawing cars that they do look like they would at the very least pass a back street MOT.


I am not aware of any artists currently working for the Motoring press who draw such sub-standard drawings of Ford Fiestas or Nissan Micras, but if I ever hear of such an artist, I will be writing a very strongly worded letter to the editor of (whichever publication it is!) and tell them that I will take over their job (probably for much less money as well).

Giving the client what they want.

I have often been asked how I negotiate with clients when I'm selling my services of providing cartoons to clients, and I know that this process is very interesting to many of you reading this website.

Here's a recent example of an email discussion I had with a very difficult client (names changed to protect the innocent)

Client:

Dear Susan Ledrow,

I am the managing director of an ice cream administration company, and I would like a new logo for my company vehicle. I'd like something that looks friendly, and attractive to my clientele who are usually of a young age.

Are you able to provide graphics for a vehicle? Please let me know the cost, before I decide to go ahead with this project. I have a very limited budget.

Mr W. Hippie.

Now this was an interesting project, but after doing some research on the various print on demand website sites I was obliged to reply thus such:

Dear Mrs Thurrock,

Thank you very much for your interesting email about me desiging some cartoons for your ice cream van. While I would be delighted to provide you with the service that you have requested, I am not sure how to get the cartoon designs printed directly onto your vehicle. While I now have a colour printer, sadly it is only an A4 model, and will not accomodate a vehicle of your size.

If you'd still like me to provide the designs, maybe you could find a van printer yourself? Please let me know if you'd like me to work on some rough ideas for your vehicle. Have you got a website? I could easily design something for that.

Miss Clair Moumatch.

I forgot to mention how much I was going to charge, and thought nothing more of it. Probably wouldn't hear from this client again, but 3 weeks later:

Dear Leo Gussett,

Thank you for your reply to my email. I only require the design to be produced by you. I already have a printer that will reproduce the design for me on vynal sheets which can easily be affixed to my vehicle.

If you can produce some rough designs for me, and let me know how much you would charge me, I would be most greatful. If this is not possible, then I shall just use the design I used last time, before the respray.

Sincerly,

Mrs Chris Ledyard.

I was relieved that the client had his own printing company to repro (reproduce) the design and set to work straight away on some rough ideas for the design:

Dear mr Biles,

Here is a rough ideas for the logo for your ice cream van vehicle. I forgot to mention there's no charge for rough ideas, and if you like the design, my charge will be just £20 (design will be emailled to you free of charge), or if you want it printed and posted to you I will have to charge postage and packaging charge of £2.88 + £20 design fee. This is a license to use the artwork outright with no further charges.

Please let me know how you would like to proceed.

Leonard Gubbins.

Unfortunately that was the last I heard from this client. I'd done some speclative work, in the hope of making some money with this client, but they never got back to me. Frustrating, yes, but as most professional cartoonists and illustrators will tell you, it's all part of the course. Hopefully one day I'll be able to use these designs for another client that approaches me for some work.

UPDATE: A few days later I successfully sold a missing cat poster to Mrs Stocker down the road. The cat was never found.

Google is my friend.

I have often being asked. This charming, and successful blog was started just a few short months ago, but already it ranks very highly for some key search terms - which is a clear demonstration of how important it is for the internet to have this thus blog in existance. What would the gap be filled with if this site didn't exist? Probably another website of dancing kittens - a search term which this blog doesn't rank at all for.

So some of the terms that this blog ranks so highly for include:

• "cartoon chocolate digestive" - #1 position from 15,200 results!!!
• "steve bright talent" - #1 postion, from over 1,700,000 results - just a few up from a Stephen Gately video clip!!!
• "gel pen cartoons" - #15 position from around 78,500 results (second page!)
• "local post office gel pens cartoons" #1 position from 14,000 results.

Demonstrating that it's how you use Google that matters. As long as people use it properly, then I rank number 1 for just about any cartoon related search you care to think of.

Many times people have tried to tell me that my cartoons were not as good as others that they'd seen, but I'm sure they'll be laughing on the other side of their faces - having seen the evidence that they are in FACT so good, that Google ranks them so well.

And that's why Google is my friend, and Xezop993 doesn't know what the hell, he (or she) is talking about.

Hilarious spontanious cartoon.

After all the alcohol related cartoons of late, I have decided that this blog needs to sober itself up somewhat. Yes, it was interesting to find out about Mr Brights carpet (which doesn't sound quite so bright after his measurement issues), but it's time to move on.

Medical matters can be a wonderful source for humour related cartoons, and here is one of my recent cartoons on the subject. Apparently The Lancet don't publish cartoons, as the, may I say rather snooty receptionist imformed me when I phoned to ask for the email address of the cartoon editor. Well while they might be all knowing about medical matters, clearly they have no idea about humour based cartoons in publications. It must be a very dry read. That's all I can say.

If you have a dry publication, then let me help moisten it with a custom made cartoon for your publication.

Cartoons for businessmen who can't draw them themselves.

I've noticed since becoming a professional cartoonist how many businesses don't use cartoons as their main way of promoting their businesses. I find this very strange. When I'm looking through the Yellow Pages to find a plumber to unblock my outside drain hole, I'm not going to be drawn towards one that doesn't use eye catching cartoons or illustrations in their advert. Plain text, or boring lists of qualifications don't mean that the plumber is going to be any good.

And besides. If he skimps on his advert by not spending something like £20 to a cartoonist to make his advert eye catching and humourous (people need cheering up when their toilets are blocked) then what eles has he skimped on? Does he have wonky brakes on his van, therefore possibly putting your Corgi in danger has he tries to turn around in your cul-de-sac? Perhaps he bought all his tools from some dodgy bloke in the pub, and he might break your u-bend while he's trying to remove all the Tena-Man.

But there's a solution to your problems if you're a business man and you can't draw cartoons. Hire a web cartoonist to draw the cartoon for you. Most web cartoonist can draw all sorts of things (but not horses).

Here's a few of the top three web cartoonist for hire for your project.

1. Leonard Gubbins
2. L.G.
3. Mr G

I'd be happy to help you with your project of course as well I would. Please send me plenty of details about your project, starting off with how much you are prepared to pay a cartoonist for drawing something for you for your business needs.

I am able to send you a rough draught 20 minutes after I get your briefs.

Google is your friend.

I am often asked how I write such successful articles for the web/internet. Writing articles for the web is much easier than writing them for real life, as most of the readers do not have very high standards. It's a waste of time writing with proper grammers and spellings as no one will notice. A glut of spelling errors can actually enhance your prominance in Google, so sometimes it's benificial to spell well known words incorrectly, as then you'll be number #1 for that mis-spelled term within Google.

I have written many ghost articles and ghoul articles for other websites. If you are drifting around the web and you see a poorly written article on drain cleaning services, or mobility scooter hire, then it's probably written by me, or one of the team working here at Talent Free.

The most important consideration when writing for the web is how Google sees your article, and where it places it on the search results. Anything that appears more than 300 pages into a web search isn't going to get noticed at all, so there's no point to writing it.

If you have a web site and you'd like an article writing then I can help! My fees start from just £20 per hour, so as long as my computer doesn't crash, or I get chatting to Berol half way through working on it, a typical article on carpet warehouses could cost less than £50.

Contact me at leonard.gubbins@googlemail.com (business email address). There is no charge for sending an email.

Improve your life, improve your website.

Do you have a boring website? Does it lack a special quality? Does it lack high impact articles written by a modest, but at the same time brilliant article writer?

Well I may be able to help you with your shitty, worthless website, and possibly your life at the same time. My Name is Leonard, and I'm a highly experienced Article Writer, Cartoonist and Spiritualist. I can write you an article for your website that will engage your readers, who quite frankly are probably completely bored at having nothing to read on your website. I can also produce wonderful, original cartoons that will increase customers and inspire them to spend lots of money on your online store.


Some areas of expertise that I can write articles on include:

• Relationship advice (I've had many many relationships in my time - so  I know what I'm talking about)
• Basic car maintenance (mostly covering any model Vauxhall made between 1980 - 1992)
• Hedge Trimmers
• Argos Returns Policy
• Gel pens (Glitter and regular)
• How to  manipulate Google into giving your worthless site a much higher ranking than decent, interesting sites. 

So there you have it. For a very reasonable hourly fee (starting from only £20) you too could have a website, without having to write any decent content for it yourself.

Help! My computer hates me!

I am often asked to help people with computer problems, as I am known as a bit of an expert in matters around computers and other things that use electricity.

Usually most problems can be solved by re-installing the operating system, but what most people don't realise is how much an operating system can cost. Especially if they require a new one to install every few months! An elderly neighbour came over to my house the other week to ask some advise on his laptop, which he was having trouble with. The problem he was having was that he was having a problem opening some attachments in Hotmail. I told him that he probably had some sort of virus, but I could help him by defragging his hard disk drive and then re-installing the operating system. He was very happy with this and left his computer with me for a few days.

Once I'd opened up his laptop (not easy on this particular model, and one of the screws had a mashed head) I set to work to repair his machine and reinstall the operating system.

After a few hours of fiddling about, his computer was now working like new. I was going to test it to see if he could now open these HOTMAIL attachements, but he'd forgotten to give me his password. Burt came round later that day to collect his machine, and seemed happy when I told him that it was all working again. He was looking forward to getting his machine back, as he had many digital photos on there of his deceased wife.

Being a pensioner, I agreed to let Burt pay me the £300 he owed me in installments. Many of you reading this might be thinking that all this sounds scary, but there's no need to worry about unforseen expenses like this. If Burt had come to me sooner with his problems, then I would probably been able to sort out his machine for around £20 (hourly rate).

So it's always important to use the expertise of a local computer expert to keep your machine running smoothly at all times. Computers are so complex these days, that many tasks are beyond most normal people.

How to get really good ideas for cartoons (and possibly cross-stitch)

I'm often asked how I get the wonderful ideas for my wonderful cartoons. How do I make people literally incontinent with my humorous cartoons? Here's a few top tips for you to be helped with getting wonderful ideas for wonderful cartoons, just like me does.

• Keep a pencil (or pen) handy at all times, and a notebook (or pad). You never know when a great idea will strike you. It's very important to keep this nearby at all times. When you're in the cinema, in bed, making love to a beautiful wife/girlfriend, or sat on the toilet (I get quite a few ideas in there!!).
• Search the internet for great cartoons that you think are really funny, and modify these cartoon ideas to make them even better (and to make them your ideas).
• Ask friends and family for ideas for really funny cartoons. Uncle George might not be a cartoonist, but I be he's got loads of really funny stories from his time working on the docks!
• Get you clients to come up with the ideas for the cartoons, and draw them in a unique style.
• If you're really stuck for ideas, then just remember people will pay £20 for your unique cartoons. Sell enough of these, and you could spend the whole afternoon in Argos on glitter pens and watercolour artists sets.

Well I hope that has helped you get beyond that cartoonist block that hits all of us professionals from time to time. As always, comments welcome (I've been told these are more interesting than the articles, a great compliment to the quality of the articles I'm been producing I feel.)

How to spring clean.

I am often asked how I keep my wonderful home so clean and tidy. My secret is to clean it every spring. This is known as 'spring cleaning', or cleaning up the place before the landlord does his annual inspection. Out goes the muddy boots, and on goes the lid to the toilet cistern (don't ask me why, but I just like it propped up against the bathroom radiator). So how do I do it? Well I can tell you my spring cleaning secrets. It's not difficult, but it can take valuable time that could be spent drawing wonderful cartoons with my mouse for important, but dull business men.

Hoovering because I can't spell vacuum cartoon.

Of course spring cleaning can provide many highly amusing inspirations for brilliant cartoons, so all is not lost doing this, and it's handy if the landlord renews the tenancy for another year. He demands many many £20 notes to let me live here. There was the time that I couldn't find the regular duster in it's usual place, under the kitchen sink and was forced to use a J-Cloth instead. This disaster will not be repeated this year, as I've made a rather handy duster holder from the Blue Peter annual (page 34). I like to have my pad handy whenever I'm doing anything around the house, but this isn't always possible, if one is to keep the peace with the girlfriend/wife!


I start my spring clean by firstly taking down all the LULU portraits I've drawn over the years. Yes, some of them have faded, due to the poor quality of the felt tip pens I once used, but I simply can't bare to part with them, considering how long it took me to draw them! Once all of these marvellous masterpieces have been safely stored in the lovely plastic storage boxes I purchase from Lidl in 2002 (the post office will sell you a pack of chalk or some felt tip pens, but ask them to supply you with a decent storage box - forget it!). I then get out the hoover. Well it's not actually a Hoover, it's a....I don't know what it is, but it's blue. (£48.99 Argos). I then decide which plug socket I'm going to use. There's 2 in the lounge, so it can often take me some time to decide. Using electricity the 'hoover' sucks up all my man dust. I'm told that dust is almost 90% dead skin cells, so after a year there's quite a few of them to suck up!


And that's it. Tidy up your LULU portraits, and 'hoover' around a bit, using the plug socket of your choice.


Next Week: How to empty the ashtray on a 1989 Nissan Bluebird.

I'm giving up the day job!

I've decided that this blog has been such a success that I am going to quit my day job, TODAY! None of those £20 note have arrived yet, but that's probably the postal system which isn't that good here. There's always confusion over the flat numbers. I have drawn this cartoon in a crude style, which I think is unique for people in my age group. It is available for FREE to use on your own blog. All I ask is that you credit this blog and me, Lenny when you post it. My boss is going to be livid to lose such a talent as me, but then he won't let me use his computer to create my wonderful artwork. Same old shit about needing to answer the phone to paying customers.