Saturday, 20 February 2010

How to spring clean.

I am often asked how I keep my wonderful home so clean and tidy. My secret is to clean it every spring. This is known as 'spring cleaning', or cleaning up the place before the landlord does his annual inspection. Out goes the muddy boots, and on goes the lid to the toilet cistern (don't ask me why, but I just like it propped up against the bathroom radiator). So how do I do it? Well I can tell you my spring cleaning secrets. It's not difficult, but it can take valuable time that could be spent drawing wonderful cartoons with my mouse for important, but dull business men.

Hoovering because I can't spell vacuum cartoon.

Of course spring cleaning can provide many highly amusing inspirations for brilliant cartoons, so all is not lost doing this, and it's handy if the landlord renews the tenancy for another year. He demands many many £20 notes to let me live here. There was the time that I couldn't find the regular duster in it's usual place, under the kitchen sink and was forced to use a J-Cloth instead. This disaster will not be repeated this year, as I've made a rather handy duster holder from the Blue Peter annual (page 34). I like to have my pad handy whenever I'm doing anything around the house, but this isn't always possible, if one is to keep the peace with the girlfriend/wife!

I start my spring clean by firstly taking down all the LULU portraits I've drawn over the years. Yes, some of them have faded, due to the poor quality of the felt tip pens I once used, but I simply can't bare to part with them, considering how long it took me to draw them! Once all of these marvellous masterpieces have been safely stored in the lovely plastic storage boxes I purchase from Lidl in 2002 (the post office will sell you a pack of chalk or some felt tip pens, but ask them to supply you with a decent storage box - forget it!). I then get out the hoover. Well it's not actually a Hoover, it's a....I don't know what it is, but it's blue. (£48.99 Argos). I then decide which plug socket I'm going to use. There's 2 in the lounge, so it can often take me some time to decide. Using electricity the 'hoover' sucks up all my man dust. I'm told that dust is almost 90% dead skin cells, so after a year there's quite a few of them to suck up!

And that's it. Tidy up your LULU portraits, and 'hoover' around a bit, using the plug socket of your choice.

Next Week: How to empty the ashtray on a 1989 Nissan Bluebird.


  1. Brilliant cartoon, Lenny.
    I don't have any pictures of Lulu to take down & I'm unsure whether I can spring clean or not. I do have, stuck to my wall, an old poster of Donny Osmond from the Osmonds band, a poster of Ali Osman from Eastenders, a small picture of the dead Ali Baba magician cut from a Chat magazine, a poster of Baba Papa, Papa Oom Mow Mow, the 45 by the Rivingtons (worth about £20) & a squashed wasp.
    Whatcha reckon, Lenny? Can I clean or not & since when did I start thinking of this as a problem page?

  2. That's what I'm here for Paul, to solve problems for cartoonists, particularly with house work issues.

    I'd say you need a little more than a (hoover) from Argos for this job. Have you thought about moving house instead? Might be a lot easier in the long run!

  3. I'm really looking forward to next week. I used to own a Nissan Bluebird back in the eighties. It was my first car ever with electric windows, and not just the front ones, although it didn't have power steering, but it was dead stylish all the same. I also bought it new - none of your used car rubbish. I remember it really well, but I don't recall much about the ashtray, so I'm really looking forward to your forthcoming blog on the matter, Leonard. Also, "ashtray" was the first word I ever spoke (true - really!), so it has an added poignancy. Roll on next week!

    This week was okay.

  4. Sorry....Ali Bongo the dead magician, not Ali Baba the dead magician. I have, however, a stack of bongo mags which need cleaning, Lenny. Any suggestions?

  5. Any collectable magazines that I treasure, I tend to laminate them for 'protection'. That advice may be too late for you Mr Mahoney!

  6. I learnt to drive in a Vauxhall Ashtray, and then subsequently bought a Vauxhall Nova. These were not big sellers in Italy on account of 'Nova' translating as 'It doesn't go'.

    Please would you show me how to hoover a Peugeot 206, Lenny?

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  8. Don't you just turn them upside down and give them a good shake, Cathy?

  9. Re. bongo mags....
    Lenny, you're not wrong!

  10. Steve, of course I do if they ask nicely.

    However, that doesn't answer the question about the Peugeot 206.

  11. I'm sorry Cathy, but I only have experience of hoovering a Peugeot 205 (5 door). I'm not sure those skills are transferable to the 206.