How to spring clean.

I am often asked how I keep my wonderful home so clean and tidy. My secret is to clean it every spring. This is known as 'spring cleaning', or cleaning up the place before the landlord does his annual inspection. Out goes the muddy boots, and on goes the lid to the toilet cistern (don't ask me why, but I just like it propped up against the bathroom radiator). So how do I do it? Well I can tell you my spring cleaning secrets. It's not difficult, but it can take valuable time that could be spent drawing wonderful cartoons with my mouse for important, but dull business men.

Hoovering because I can't spell vacuum cartoon.

Of course spring cleaning can provide many highly amusing inspirations for brilliant cartoons, so all is not lost doing this, and it's handy if the landlord renews the tenancy for another year. He demands many many £20 notes to let me live here. There was the time that I couldn't find the regular duster in it's usual place, under the kitchen sink and was forced to use a J-Cloth instead. This disaster will not be repeated this year, as I've made a rather handy duster holder from the Blue Peter annual (page 34). I like to have my pad handy whenever I'm doing anything around the house, but this isn't always possible, if one is to keep the peace with the girlfriend/wife!


I start my spring clean by firstly taking down all the LULU portraits I've drawn over the years. Yes, some of them have faded, due to the poor quality of the felt tip pens I once used, but I simply can't bare to part with them, considering how long it took me to draw them! Once all of these marvellous masterpieces have been safely stored in the lovely plastic storage boxes I purchase from Lidl in 2002 (the post office will sell you a pack of chalk or some felt tip pens, but ask them to supply you with a decent storage box - forget it!). I then get out the hoover. Well it's not actually a Hoover, it's a....I don't know what it is, but it's blue. (£48.99 Argos). I then decide which plug socket I'm going to use. There's 2 in the lounge, so it can often take me some time to decide. Using electricity the 'hoover' sucks up all my man dust. I'm told that dust is almost 90% dead skin cells, so after a year there's quite a few of them to suck up!


And that's it. Tidy up your LULU portraits, and 'hoover' around a bit, using the plug socket of your choice.


Next Week: How to empty the ashtray on a 1989 Nissan Bluebird.