My Mate Dave is Insane.

Sometimes I'm asked by people I know if I will draw them a cartoon. Usually they expect me to do this for no financial compensation whatsoever. However if I ask Mike to look at my car, and perhaps do an oil change, he will still expect to get paid.

My mate Dave is insane. He's a really funny guy. I've told him before that he should do stand-up again. Sure, it didn't go down all that well at the school open day, but they weren't really the right audience for his style of edgy material. He's really funny, and as long as you've had a few drinks yourself, really not that offensive at all. I drew this cartoon for him (for free) as it reminded me of an incident in the mid 90's that I've promised never to repeat. I'm sure once he comes over to pick it up (he's got issues at the moment with his elderly mother/the inland revenue) he'll be hanging in his upstairs toilet (his mother cannot access this toilet due to her recent mobility issues.

*someone at the pub did say this looks remarkably unlike Dave, but I would like to point out this is my artistic interpretation of his features (and he's got a face that's really hard to draw). 

Shocking ignorance of other cartoonist.

This is my entry into the 113 (perhaps I should have known, such an unlucky number) and it scored precisely NOTHING! Now I understand that other cartoonist find my art work intimidating, and that some of them like to stick to the rules of the contest, but I entered this in enough time for at least one or two of them to vote for me. It was not my fault that my next door neighbour had an issue with their garden appliance, that as a good citizen, I felt obliged to assist with, therefore missing the "technical" closing time for entries.


 I even offered an explanation of the cartoon, for those less intelligence than myself, as it was a caption less contest.


I realize that some of the readers of this very website are not gifted in the brains department either, so here is the explanation of the cartoon, so you can find it as hilarious as I do.


This is a Robot that has scared the poor child. Hair is sticking up on end to emphasize that the child finds the Robot scary.


Well, let me tell you. That could be the last time I assist a neighbour with their garden appliances, OR the last time I enter the cartoon contest. I haven't decided yet. I'm still seething at the lack of respect shown to me!

Combining Jobs with my love of art.

I have recently started working for a home care agency as a bum wiper and cook. It's a great job really. The wages aren't too bad, but of course this isn't my real ambition in live. What I really want to be is a artist (with lots of money of course). I find drawing really easy, as you will see from the example below.


I love the dignity in this close up of her face. A face that must have seen so much over it's 80 odd years!

Ethel is a sweet old lady that I see every Thursday morning. She lives on here own, but despite this has taken a keen interest in my artwork. She thinks my artwork is lovely, and what better judge for the skill of my artistic ability than an old woman, who's had both cataracts done, and remembers how many children she had.


Unfortunately, I don't get much time with Ethel, as my visits are limited to just 15 minutes, so I could only do a very quick sketch - but she loves it and has shown it to her daughter! Here's the full sketch below:

Hope you like it. If you'd like a sketch doing of an old relative then please get in touch. Prices start from just £20. If it's a rush job (i.e. Granny might not last much longer) then the price will have to reflect this!

Washing up liquid - a taste test.

Much has been said during history about the different flavours of washing up liquid. I'm here today to dispel some of the mystery surrounding the different flavours, and you help you, the listener to decide which one is the best for your own domestic situation.


Recently I had the great pleasure of sampling many different flavours of washing up liquid. This is NOT about dishwasher tables. You'll have to go elsewhere for something like that sort of thing!


I started my research with a bottle of Fairy, lemon flavour. After washing up a cup, I let it air dry for approximately 4 hours, before I made a cup of tea in it.


Tasting the tea, it tasted like tea.


Next I washed the same cup with Co-Op Mint flavour washing up liquid (with anti-bacterial agents). I deciding that leaving the cup each and every time for 4 hours to air dry would take far too long, so I used a Matalan Blue Check Tea towel this time to dry to cup and wait for the kettle to boil. (Rusell Hobs).


Tasting the tea, it tasted like tea. I was expecting it to taste like mint tea, but it did not taste like mint tea at all in the slightest.


I was about to test the Tesco Lavender flavour washing up liquid, when my wife/girlfriend came home from her job as an admin assistant for the local abattoir. She insisted on knowing why I had opened two new bottles of washing liquid, and was I going through that stage where I was mixing random household products again, and on, and on. and why hadn't I peeled the potatoes for the spag bol she had planned! (we don't like pasta in this house).


I decided it might be better to finish this experiment at a later day or date.