This is a cartoon of a fried egg being thrown in a road working hole. Other hilarious cartoons are available for hire or rent, for your newsletter or business presentation. Perhaps you have a company that builds roadworks and you'd like this to liven up your presentation about road works? Or maybe you have a fried egg shop? Give me a call on: leonard.gubbins@googlemail.com 

New Year. New Cartoons.

Well I do hope you all had a very nice Christmas (Xmas). I know that I did. Lovely time with the family, but sadly for the world of cartoons not much time to draw in-between peeling sprouts and being a busy mother of two. This led me to think about the meaning of Christmas more and more this year. What's it all for? Well apart from the wonderful gifts I received, including a lovely bumper pack of Gel pens from WHSMITHS from my partner. They are still in the wrapper with the giant Toblarone (Chocolate) bar, but I intend to put them to good use very soon.


Unsurprisingly the commissions for cartoons dried up somewhat over the Christmas season of Wintevil. At first I feared this might have something to do with the recession we keep reading so much about in the Daily Mail and other such places suchlike. But it seems those in the market for a cartoon, were also enjoying the Christmas (Xmas) holiday season too as well.


Here's a cartoon of my eldest opening his favourite Christmas (Xmas) present, which is what Christmas (Xmas) is all about really: 

Gel Pen Manufacturers Blog

I've found this very interesting website all about Gel Pens. The Gel Pen's Manufacturers Blog. A very interesting blog about Gel pens, and how they were invented. Anyone can now use gel pens.

Gel pens tend to produce a bolder line and smudge less than other types of pen. The ink can also be produced in a much wider range of colors and this can include fluorescent, metallic and glittery effects which can work well on darker paper. The size of the nib on a gel pen can vary from around 0.18mm to 1.5mm and the advantages that they provide make them popular with a range of professions. This can include teachers, with the bold lines and vibrant color showing up well when marking papers and also graphic artists with the range of colors suiting them well. However they can be used by anyone and as well as being simply for writing they are also popular for art, with the colors and effects in which they can be produced making them ideal for this.

I think this is true, that anyone can now use Gel pens. You don't need to be a proffessional to use them anymore since they were invented in the 1880's. I imagine back then they were very expensive and people without any money couldn't buy them. As you know I'm a big fan of the GEL PEN. I find that somehow my cartoons are more funnier when they are drawn by GEL PENS. And having them available in so many bright and vivid colours is just an added bonus for me, you, teachers, and professional graphic designers the world over.


All hail the GEL PEN! 


Here's a caricature of my son, which looks nothing like him:

How to draw anything in 1 step.

Whilst browsing the internet the other day I found this excellent article which describes how to draw anything at all, even things that you can't draw.

I thought I'd post this here, saving me the time of writing a proper post.

Enjoy, and let me know if it works for you.

http://aviary.com/blog/posts/how-to-draw-anything-in-1-step

Siege mentality.

When I first started my successful cartoon career, I was often asked why I was bothering, as I was pretty good at the job I was doing at the time anyway, and I couldn't drawer for toffee. Well I'm the sort of person that when I'm told I can't do something, I want to do it all the more!

Like my ex-next door neighbour who told me that I couldn't sunbathe in my own garden naked! How dare he tell me what I couldn't do!!! As it happens I wasn't even sunbathing naked in my back garden. I was wearing speedos, but he couldn't see them due to an unfortunate thyroid problem I was suffering from in the mid-90's (all cleared up now, thankfully). But I wasn't going to be bossed about by someone who didn't even have an upstairs lavatory for guests, and a poorly installed conservatory.


I took the same view of those who sought to dissuade me from becoming a cartoonist. I instinctively knew that my cartoons were brilliant, so what other people thought was largely irrelevant. I'm happy to say that I was proved right in the end. This site has had over 511000 visitors since it's launch in February 2010 (11,000 since March  2010 alone!), and as I proved in a recent post - many positive search results on Google.


Now, I am considering myself as an experienced cartoonist. I provide help and support to many web cartoonists - who actively seek my wise advice on all matters concerning cartooning matters. If you need to know which type of paper to use with which type of pencil or pen - then I can advise. Soon I will be launching my own cartoon correspondence school, but unlike others out there - I will be upfront about the costs. 


The same goes for clients who might want to use my services or cartoons. I publish my prices up front, unlike many cartoonists who are very secretive about what they charge. Why do they do that? I've no idea. Seems very stupid to me (and most other people). If I was a client and I wanted a cartoonist to drawer a cartoon for my website or newsletter - I would want to know how much it was going to cost right away. It's no accident that many of these so called 'professional' cartoonists appear nowhere in a Google search for "cheap cartoonist".


So if you want a "cheap cartoonist" for your recession busting business - then look no further than Leonard Gubbins*




*I'm also available for Search Engine Optimisation, Tarot Reading, and Oven Cleaning (weekday evenings only).

Google is my friend.

I have often being asked. This charming, and successful blog was started just a few short months ago, but already it ranks very highly for some key search terms - which is a clear demonstration of how important it is for the internet to have this thus blog in existance. What would the gap be filled with if this site didn't exist? Probably another website of dancing kittens - a search term which this blog doesn't rank at all for.

So some of the terms that this blog ranks so highly for include:

• "cartoon chocolate digestive" - #1 position from 15,200 results!!!
• "steve bright talent" - #1 postion, from over 1,700,000 results - just a few up from a Stephen Gately video clip!!!
• "gel pen cartoons" - #15 position from around 78,500 results (second page!)
• "local post office gel pens cartoons" #1 position from 14,000 results.

Demonstrating that it's how you use Google that matters. As long as people use it properly, then I rank number 1 for just about any cartoon related search you care to think of.

Many times people have tried to tell me that my cartoons were not as good as others that they'd seen, but I'm sure they'll be laughing on the other side of their faces - having seen the evidence that they are in FACT so good, that Google ranks them so well.

And that's why Google is my friend, and Xezop993 doesn't know what the hell, he (or she) is talking about.

How can the country save money and rescue the economy?

Many people have asked me how we as a nation can get out of this terrible mess that the last Government left us in after forcing us to spend money like crazy on exotic holidays and BMW X5's, like there was no tomorrow. I too was caught up in the whole spend spend spend craze. I went absolutely crazy several times buying business cards and bulk buys of gel pens in the good old days, but now it's time to pay off the debts. To be honest I was surprised to get a 'tab' at the local post office in the first place, but Mrs Dawson got carried away just as much as the next man.

Being a reasonable person she has given me another month to settle my account, which I'm confident of doing by making some simple sacrifices. Firstly I won't be allowing the girlfriend/wife to spend more than £38 on any one shopping trip (including the purchase of celebration cake), I will now insist that everyone in the household answers the phone within three rings, and immediately stop the common practice of ignoring the phone and using 1471 to screen calls and call them back all the time. This should reduce the phone bill by at least 70%. Benefits will be cut back, with immediate effect, and the children will now find their allowances are means tested. If they have more savings than me, they will have all benefits stopped immediately.

Of course we can all do our bit to economise, but this won't help the public finances. This is the money that the Government spend on our, or their own behalf.

Example of much cheaper cartoon for possible Government anti-smoking campaign.

I've been thinking of how a humble cartoonist like myself can help the Government to reduce their spending, and I've realised that they spend many thousands on publications, which often contain cartoons and or illustrations. If the Government used much cheaper cartoonists, like myself and others that I know, they could save a lot of money. If someone is reading a leaflet on giving up smoking, or a leaflet on haemorrhoid advice, I'm quite sure that the quality of the illustrations is not of any concern to those people. For a small sum, such as thus £20, the Government could have some really good cartoons (but, perhaps not top notch, or amusing) therefore making instant savings for the nation.

Of course we know that they won't do this, because as the Government before, they like to waste unnecessary money. I'm offering them a solution (I've tweeted a link to this article to my local MP) but it's up to them if they take it. £20, instead of, probably £500. It's not rocket science!

*I can also offer armchair legal advice to parish councils and local political parties.

Hilarious spontanious cartoon.

After all the alcohol related cartoons of late, I have decided that this blog needs to sober itself up somewhat. Yes, it was interesting to find out about Mr Brights carpet (which doesn't sound quite so bright after his measurement issues), but it's time to move on.

Medical matters can be a wonderful source for humour related cartoons, and here is one of my recent cartoons on the subject. Apparently The Lancet don't publish cartoons, as the, may I say rather snooty receptionist imformed me when I phoned to ask for the email address of the cartoon editor. Well while they might be all knowing about medical matters, clearly they have no idea about humour based cartoons in publications. It must be a very dry read. That's all I can say.

If you have a dry publication, then let me help moisten it with a custom made cartoon for your publication.

Do you drink more than you think?

It's often claimed that people drink more than they think and that this is somehow harmful to them, but I disagree with this idea that people do drink more than they think. Even to have a drink, you have to think things like, what time does the pub open, or will that Advocate from last Christmas still be OK to drink? So instantly, before a single drop of drink has entered, you've already been thinking more than you have been drinking.

Of course once you start drinking, it's quite possible that you start stopping thinking quite as much as you would normally, but even the most drunkard drunk person is still thinking, even if it's such total nonsense as "I wonder what the cat would look like with a mohican" and other such trivial thoughts. It's still thinking!

*This website does not condone drinking of alcoholic beverages, or thinking so hard that you might realise that alcoholic beverages are a valid alternative to real life.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8745555.stm

I need a fix of lemonade.

With all this hot weather we have been having I'm surprised that there isn't more Lemonade cartoons in the popular press. I cam up with the idea for this hilarious cartoon, but thinking of what type of drink would be nice in the hot weather and then thinking of how to make this into a very funny cartoon that people would love.

None of that worked, so I drew this instead.

How much do you charge for your cartoons?

Anyone who knows me or this website knows that my standard fee for cartoons and illustrations is £20 per cartoon (hourly rate, if my sister phones and interrupts me then it could be quite a bit more), but I've noticed that many cartoonists are very secretive about what they charge for their cartoons.

I think this is the wrong way to conduct business. You wouldn't go to buy a fridge in a shop that didn't display the prices, would you, and therefore why should it be any different for cartoons? Cartoons are to business what fridges are to kitchens full of cheese that needs to be stopped from going smelly, unless it's a type of cheese that is supposed to be smelly, is the way I think of it. Sometimes I think of everything in terms of preserving cheese.

Beware of women on the blob.

I was holding out for Cathy to write this article, but it looks like she is more concerned with Kitchen utensils and such like things like her garden furniture!

Women are extremely amusing when they have their periods, as anyone who owns one will know. They are snappy and unreasonable at the best of times, but they are even worst when they have the painters in so to speak, and this always makes a great subject for a greetings card, or Valentines card (too late for that). There's great humour in mild aliments like periods or the monthlies. Everyone loves to laugh at the angry lady, as it such where was thus.

This cartoon (like nearly all of them) is for sale for business use. Perhaps you have a lipstick discount store, or you sell books to feminists? Then this cartoon could be the ideal image for your poster campaign advert, just in time for the summer!

Laughing at insanity, knowing how to apply a bandage.

I've often been asked about how much I know about insanity. This usually occurs just after I've shown someone my cartoons for the first time.

Funnily enough, I did once train to be a psychologist many years back, but I found that people boring me with their pathetic problems wasn't for me, so I didn't go back for the second day of training. Having experience of being a psychologist for even a short time did equip me with the knowledge to read people quite well, particularly insane people, of which there is many of them on the estate that  I live. 

The insane people are usually the ones wearing the inappropriate hats, so it's easy to spot an insane person, unless they are not wearing a hat in which case it's usually a little harder. Just asking someone if they are insane isn't usually that effective, particularly if they are Geordies, as they are likely to reply "Yeah, I'm mad me!". Playing word association games with strangers at a bus stop isn't that advisable either, as it can usually involve a discussion with the constabulary.

Concentrating just on the obvious ones with the inappropriate hats is usually the best tactic when trying to identify insane people.

So just what is an inappropriate hat you may ask? Well, wearing a bowler hat in a working mans club is obviously a clear sign of madness, unless they are part of the entertainment.

Wearing a rain hat in a charity shop can be a sign of insanity, unless the string is wet and stuck, and it has been raining outside.

Wearing a flat cap while driving an Italian supermini is a sign of insanity, unless the person is in Yorkshire at the time, in which case it's probably just a sign of poverty.

Without knowing for certain if someone is insane or not, can make it very difficult to mock and laugh at the insane people on your local estate. It's a mind-field for certain, but get it right, and there's lots of fun to be had. Basic knowledge of first aid is always useful when laughing at insanity.

Liberally applied gradient.

I thought it was only fair that I do a caricature of the leader of the liberal democrats, Nick Clegg MP. While I'm not entirely convinced that I've captured him quite as well as Gordon Brown the other day, I am very please with the three party gradient background I have created in photoshit.

Yellow for the liberals, red for labour and blue for the conservative party. I'm still waiting to hear from my local candidates which party will pledge to create new internet laws, so people can't upset me on the internet without being arrested by a special squad of the constablulary.

I think crimes against cartoonists should be taken more seriously.

What is a cartoonist?

I'm often asked when people find out I'm a cartoonist (since February 2010) what a cartoonist is. These people are not stupid, as you may first think. They simply don't know what a cartoonist is, or what a cartoonist does. I can be confusing for the ordinary, drab people I come across from time to time.


I like to think that there's several types of cartoonists and here is the two examples I'm allowed to tell you about.


The definition of a cartoonist is someone who draws cartoons. This may be someone who has a full set of gel pens, or perhaps has only just a Berol Handwriting pen. They may draw their cartoons on some sort of paper, or maybe even a piece of cardboard they found in the recycle bin. These 'cartoons' or humorous pictures might be amusing, but they don't have to be.


The definition of a pro- cartoonist is someone who sells their cartoons for money, or perhaps stationary supplies. These sorts of cartoonists are mainly motivated by the desire to be famous and rich, like Van Golf or David Hockey. Now that's not to say that these cartoonists don't draw good cartoons, they often do, but many of them have been corrupted by the scent of wealth and fame. They draw maybe 6 or 7 cartoons to a national publication, and that's them set up for life!


Many of the professional cartoonist I know are lovely people, but they are often horrible towards those they see as 'amateur' cartoonists, and no matter how crap their cartoons are, will not offer words of encouragement. They'll say terrible things like "you really need to improve your drawing skills" or "the cartoon just isn't funny". This clearly demonstrate how cruel professional cartoonist can  be towards amateur cartoonists that want to steal their jobs.


So there's a lesson for all us cartoonists. If you are an amateur cartoonist, then you mustn't listen to the bitter ramblings from the professionals that are probably just threatened by your skills with a gel pen (some of these so-called professionals use such antiquated tools as brushes, or dip pens!).


If you are a professional cartoonist (and I suspect there might be quite a few reading this blog) then you need to understand that while YOU might not find the work of the up and coming amateurs that impressive, you should always be polite and encouraging. It doesn't matter that you are not impressed with their cartoons. Their friends and family are impressed, and if only their friends and family had a million pound publishing empire, then they would be selling cartoons to them all the time, and you'd be signing on, or picking vegetables!

The best fonts for your cartoons.

Searching on my copy of photoshop today I realised that there's a font called Comic Sans. Clearly this has been designed with cartoonists in mind. Brilliant. We now have our own font for use in our cartoons. It's a great shame that there's not more comic fonts available to us, but until there is, we should all be using COMIC SANS as much as possible to promote the cartoon industry.

Welcome Paul Mahoney, our latest Talent Free Author.

I would like to take this opportunity to welcome our latest Talent Free author, Mr Paul Mahoney. He's very kindly agreed to provide this blog with his expert insight into all things concerning rodent contraception, the best plumbers based in the Northwest, Gel Pen techniques, and of course how to make millions of pounds from drawing cartoons.


I'm sure Paul will be providing some really really good articles that will outshine our current Talent Free authors by a large margin. He has promised to publish some Talent Free cartoons, up to 50 times per day, which means that Cathy will be able to take that long promised caravan holiday at long last.


*Photo is not of Mr Mahoney.

Everyone needs a good neighbour 2

This hilarious cartoon has been inspired by Cathy's inspirational story about her neighbour which she posted on here yesterday. I think it's wonderful that Cathy is such a wonderful neighbour. If she doesn't manage to save you, she'll always be willing to help with police enquiries, and that's something very re-assuring for anyone who lives near Cathy, the good neighbour. Her story also makes for a wonderful cartoon. If you have had a neighbourly drama recently, and you'd like a hilarious cartoon all about it, then please email me and I can use your story and my unique imagination to drawer you a wonderful cartoon, just like this one*. Rates start from a very reasonable £20 (hourly rate), so as long as your story isn't that complicated it should only cost you £20. I will email you the cartoon so you can print it out yourself for FREE.

*Your neighbour doesn't need to be tied to a tree. I can also drawer small shrubs and washing lines.

How to haggle. Part 1.

I am often asked how that I am coping with the worst recession since records began, being a new cartoonist business person expert, that is yet to receive the influx of £20 notes that I expected to receive by now, I am forced to be a canny shopper. Particularly when making purchases in charity shops.

Now many people in this country are not very good at haggling, and even less so when "it's for charity", but I think it would be stupid to ignore the possibilities available to the strong minded bargain hunter. Last week I was in the local Age Concern shop, looking for something classy for the wife/girlfriends birthday. Having browsed the various brick-a-brac on sale at this particular branch, I noticed a rather fetching "Elvis Presley" mirrored picture. It looked like something I once missed out on a bidding war on Ebay, and thought it would be an ideal addition to the downstairs toilet, and of course a splendid gift for the said Wife/girlfriend.

She said that £5.50 was the price set by Marjorie, and as she wasn't in on Tuesdays she couldn't do anything about the price! I was quite rightly disgusted with this attitude, and refused to agree to such a high asking price. After around 45 minutes of just repeatedly asking for a 50% discount, and this elderly woman stubbornly refusing to see the "the customer is always right", she asked me to leave the shop, or she would call the police.

I can't understand why charity shops employ such dogmatic people. Clearly she was thinking more about her commission, rather than focussing on creating a satisfied customer, that might pop in to buy an ashtray or a bobble-less cardigan in the future. Age concern have lost me as a customer now. Once I find a shop that won't treat me well, I refuse to ever shop there again. That's why I no longer shop at Rumbelows. As far as I'm concerned, those sort of businesses can go bankrupt! Hopefully the local Age Concern shop will learn some lessons from this before that happens.

Remove your site from Google, or else!