Introducing a new comic book adventure...

I have been working very hard on my latest project, which is a comic book project about a worm called Woody, or as most people who have now read this will no him as, Woody Worm. In this adventure, which is illustrated in a unique style that has never been done before (all completed by using hands for instance) he has a very strange case of a missing bird table thief to find out about and see where he might be hiding so he can then reveal where he has been hiding and report to the appropriate authorities. BUT! The story has a unique twist which has never been done before on the pages of the web, the thief is in fact - a WOMAN!

This hilarious comic strip was design for a paying customer, who has had numerous problems with his mobile phone ever since I sent him the rough version of this exclusive story. He is unable to answer his phone from anyone who uses the same network that I use. Most frustrating!

I sent him an email demanding payment, or I would publish the cartoon on my website instead, and he did not respond. So here's it is. The woman with pink hair is his mother, BTW. Now she won't get her hilarious and unique birthday gift, and there loss is you're gain, dear readership of this thus blog/website.

If you'd like your family immorallised in a cartoon form, then please get in touch.

I can also draw snails quite well.

Government Spends £17,500 on wine.

News today reveals that the Government has spend £17,500 on wine since the general election! Going on the read the news report, it sets out that they buy wine young, to benefit from a lower price. I find that quite a ridiculous claim, as when I was young and getting others to buy some wine for me, it cost exactly the same as it did for someone of the legal age.

It seems this Government has taken no time at all to immerse themselves in sleaze. I expected they'd at least wait until the Christmas party before they'd conduct themselves in such an appalling manner. All the while, us poor taxpayers and working mothers are struggling with the constant pressure on our own alcohol budgets/nappy buying. Always offers on cheap cider, but how rare are 2 for 1 offers on nappies? (not that my grown  up children need nappies, unless they drink too much White Lightening!). Why can't the Government just buy cheap wine from one of the supermarkets? They could have got at least twice as much booze for less than £17,500. Probably they could have got some special offers or something, like I did only last week in Asda.

It's the population that should be spending record amounts on alcohol since the general election - not the Government!

Tea Towel Misery. Not my fault.

No one knows how hard it is. I sit here, in between re-runs of Cash In The Attic, and Diagnosis Murder She Wrote wondering what I can drawer the people will hand over hard cash to have printed on a tea towel. It's not as easy as I thought it was going to be all those months ago. Sourcing Tea Towels that don't have a heavy Gingham pattern is the hardest part of the whole process.

Where can I buy plain cotton tea towels without any pattern on?

Perhaps I shouldn't have taken all those orders. Perhaps those people will never order something every again from the Internet because of me. Wedding anniversary's ruined, engagement parties cancelled. And it's all because of the tea towel mafia in this country that insist on ONLY making Gingham tea towels.

Perhaps with the new Government we are about to get, things will change and we can move this economy forwards.

I'm currently processing orders for shopping bags without zips. I hope I can find some.

Making money from Cartoons.

I am often asked how I came to be a professional cartoonist, and such a successful one at that. Well, it is all very simple. I realised a few weeks ago how easy it was to draw cartoons, and that I had a wonderful mind for the creative process. The first time I picked up one of my glitter pens (the gold one, if you must know) and started scribbling away, I knew this was the new career I'd been looking for, for so long.

I had many faulse starts to many different careers. When I left school I joined art college for 2 hours and then realised that this was not for me. They frowned upon the use of glitter pens, or something. I'm not sure, but they claimed I was crap, and tried to steer me towards a career in painting and decorating instead. Well I wasn't going to stand for that for one moment. So to their much regret, I left that college.

I had to find something creative to spend my time on. I tried creative accounting for a short while, but I quickly realised that this wasn't what I expected either. Besides my boss expected me to work very late nights. That wasn't for me. I was missing all my favourite soap operas anyway (a great source of inspiration for any creative person I feel).

Then one day I was flicking through a copy of Readers Digest Magazine in the dentists waiting room and saw how many cartoons they had in there. Truth be told I didn't find that many of them funny, but it got me thinking. If they publish cartoons that I don't find funny, perhaps they'll publish cartoons that I've drawn that other people don't find funny either. How difficult can it be to draw cartoons that just aren't funny? Being the sort of person never to get bogged down with the technical aspect of anything I do - I picked up my glitter pen and started scribbling away. Since that day I haven't looked back. Already I have been commissioned by Burt across the road to paint a smily face on his wheelie bin (to stop the filthy Morgans next door from nicking it) and I've also had many other enquiries for my brilliantly talent free cartoons.

I'm still waiting to hear back from The Readers Digest, but it's looking promising. Already I have had mail from them suggesting I might be receiving a cheque soon for £250,000. I'm not sure which cartoon that is for, but I'm quite excited.

So there you go. If you want to make money from your Glitter Pens, get cartooning. I hope this article has inspired some of you to give it a go.

Cartooning by numbers...

The invitation by Leonard G to contribute to this blog on my specialist subject of Gillingham left me in rather a quandry.

Initially I considered throwing in the towel because I just couldn't see a common thread between Cartooning and Gillingham. They just don't go together in the same way as Morecambe and Wise, Cheech and Chong or Prawn and Dopiaza.

Suddenly though it all became clear. The common thread is numbers. More specifically 3 and 20. The most obvious link being that both words have three syllables and the two together have 20 letters.

That's the tip of the iceberg though. Gillingham station has 3 platforms, 3 town centre bus stops serve the Medway Maritime Hospital and the town offers 3 types of public transport, train, bus and taxi. On the football field, Gillingham have won 3 of their home league games by scoring 3 goals and getting 3 points on each occasion.

On to cartooning. In my book there are 3 types of newspaper cartoon; political, gag and strip. Cartoon characters occasionally come in threes...Huey, Dewey and Lewey being one example. And the most popular format for a newspaper strip cartoon uses three panels

It's with the figure 20 though that the most extraordinary similarity rears its head. Mr. Gubbins own brand of cartoonery is designed to relieve "punters" of a crisp £20 note. Gillingham Football Club are set up in a similar way. A ticket to watch the next home match against Huddersfield will set you back a modest...yes you've guessed it. How uncanny!