Community Relations.

Another popular cartoon from my archives. This one nearly appeared in a school newsletter about community relations between the authorities and young people, but the head of year thought it might corse offence. Oh well. Educations loss, is you're gain (as a reader of this blog!).


I don't hold back when I'm using my cartoons to make cutting comentary on current issues in today's multicultural society. Today a maverick, tommorrow an inspired genius that new what was going on all the time? Perhaps!

Well that wasn't very impressive.

Why is it that whenever men drink alcohol they promise to cut the lawn the following weekend, and then spew up in the toilet before leaving the house to find a kebab house, even though you live in a small village that doesn't even have a chip shop?

And then don't cut (or mow) the lawn the following weekend (because they are having an operation or something stupid like that?)

*still image from future projected animation short for children's TV (Channel 5?)

Hilarious Speed Camera Cartoon.

I had the idea for this cartoon while I was sitting in my dining room this morning, eating some toast. I was looking at the BBC news website and I was reading a story about how they have removed all the speed cameras in Oxfordshire, allowing everyone to drive at whatever speed they now choose to! Now the police are complaining that people are driving too fast! Of course people are going to drive too fast. That's why they buy cars that go fast, over something like a bicycle, which doesn't go very fast.

I showed this cartoon to my children, and they thought it was very funny and that I should send it to the BBC, they might show it on the BBC breakfast news programme or something. I emailed it this morning, but I'm still waiting to hear when I'll be invited onto the famous sofa to discuss my latest mastertory piece.

Worldcup 2010 England aren't in it.

England are out of the world cup and some other teams are now in it instead. I don't really follow football, but I'm sure whichever team wins it, will be the best team. This got me thinking about all the traders that have been selling England memorialbeelia for the contest. They must be very upset that England are now out of the contest - think of all those flags and tea cups that they won't be able to sell now! This got me thinking that this would make a really funny cartoon, so I drew a really funny cartoon about it this morning and posted it on my blog. I hope you like it.

This cartoon is availble for sale, for publishing on blogs, tea towels (you'll have to sort out the printing yourself) and business cards.

As always, comments welcome. Anything nasty will be reported to the police.

Everyone needs a good neighbour 2

This hilarious cartoon has been inspired by Cathy's inspirational story about her neighbour which she posted on here yesterday. I think it's wonderful that Cathy is such a wonderful neighbour. If she doesn't manage to save you, she'll always be willing to help with police enquiries, and that's something very re-assuring for anyone who lives near Cathy, the good neighbour. Her story also makes for a wonderful cartoon. If you have had a neighbourly drama recently, and you'd like a hilarious cartoon all about it, then please email me and I can use your story and my unique imagination to drawer you a wonderful cartoon, just like this one*. Rates start from a very reasonable £20 (hourly rate), so as long as your story isn't that complicated it should only cost you £20. I will email you the cartoon so you can print it out yourself for FREE.

*Your neighbour doesn't need to be tied to a tree. I can also drawer small shrubs and washing lines.

Digital Cartooning.

I have often been interested in the idea of producing brilliant cartoons using the very latest digital technology. These days it's possible to draw very good cartoons with no skills at all, and no paperI have often been interested in the idea of producing brilliant cartoons using the very latest digital technology. These days it's possible to draw very good cartoons with no skills at all, and no paper, or even without a gel pen (glitter or normal).


There's many different kinds of graphics tablets available these days, starting from just $34. It's probably a good idea to buy the cheapest graphics tablet you can find at first, and if you find it useful, to  gradually buy the next most expensive. So you'd start with the $34 one, and then perhaps buy a $55 one and then a £100 one and so on, until you have become such an accomplished digital cartoonist that you are able to spend several thousand pounds (or dollars if you live in the America).


Of course, it goes without saying that it's still very important to have some gel pens and cheap paper lying around, as no matter how expensive your graphics tablet is, none of them work in a power cut! (quite a major design flaw in my opinion!).

What to do if someone doesn't like your cartoons?

I am often asked how I deal with people who don't like my cartoons. Well this is a difficult question, because as any brilliant cartoonist like myself will tell you, just about everyone loves my cartoons. But in reality, and considering that my cartoons are available for the whole world to view and comment upon online, the world over and over (even people in West Yorkshire and Dunstable can see them!) there is bound to be a few people that don't like them.

My tactics for dealing with people that don't like my cartoons is to find out WHY, they don't like my cartoons, and the proceed to help them with their cartoon phobia problem. I like to psychologically assess the person I am dealing with. I think it's very important to understand why they are (criminally?) insane and as a good citizen attempt to help them like them.

Threatening them with legal action can be very effective. The cartoon liason officer at my local community outreach support network is excellent. Whenever I approach him to tell on someone who doesn't like my cartoons, he always assures me that "they are probably just jealous". I find this very comforting, but I do wish he'd buy one of my cartoons for his office wall. He assures me that his office wall is full of mugshots of Nigerian hookers (he's working on a top secret case, so can't tell me anymore) and therefor he cannot accept one of my wonderful caricatures of the Chief Constable.

Creating new areas of business for the cartoon market business.

I am often asked how I sell my cartoons to so many varied clients. Parish magazines, missing cat posters, local business directories etc. The reason that I sell so many wonderful cartoons to so many dull publications is that I approach them and suggest that they publish my cartoons. I start with an impartial appraisal of their publication (for free) which usually confirms what I believed all along, that their publication is rather dull and needs some cartoons to brighten it up.

I then offer them a cartoon I've already drawn for free. They usually take this up, even if it has nothing to do with the nature of the publication. It's amazing how many parish magazines will publish a caraciture of LuLu, if it's offered for free. They need to fill space in their magazines, just like big name, national publications do. Once I have them 'hooked' on my unique style of drawing (a few complimentary letters to the editor always help - thanks mum!) I then send them another cartoon for the next issue, but I forget to mention that this one isn't free. Once they have published it, I send them and invoice and threaten them with legal action if they don't pay the £20 they owe me!

Obviously this trick only works once, or maybe twice, if the publication is badly organised. That's an example of parish magazines. Missing pet posters is another lucrative market place for local cartoonists. Most people put up dull photocopies of their missing pets, which is not at all eye catching. I usually take down the poster and when I get home phone the phone number. Yes, they get excited thinking you've found their beloved pet - but when I suggest that their pet might never be found without an eye catching poster, they often ask for help in making the poster better. The budget for cartoon missing pet posters is usually quite small, but with some gentle persuaction they can usually be agreed to cut back on the 'reward' money to fund a wonderful pet cartoon portrait (I charge extra if there's a funny story behind the pet going missing). An added bonus is that if the pet is never found, they still have a wonderful memento of their pet to treasure for years to come!

There's just a few ideas for all you budding cartoonists out there. Next week: Elderly dead relative caricatures, good idea or bad?