Google is my friend.

I have often being asked. This charming, and successful blog was started just a few short months ago, but already it ranks very highly for some key search terms - which is a clear demonstration of how important it is for the internet to have this thus blog in existance. What would the gap be filled with if this site didn't exist? Probably another website of dancing kittens - a search term which this blog doesn't rank at all for.

So some of the terms that this blog ranks so highly for include:

• "cartoon chocolate digestive" - #1 position from 15,200 results!!!
• "steve bright talent" - #1 postion, from over 1,700,000 results - just a few up from a Stephen Gately video clip!!!
• "gel pen cartoons" - #15 position from around 78,500 results (second page!)
• "local post office gel pens cartoons" #1 position from 14,000 results.

Demonstrating that it's how you use Google that matters. As long as people use it properly, then I rank number 1 for just about any cartoon related search you care to think of.

Many times people have tried to tell me that my cartoons were not as good as others that they'd seen, but I'm sure they'll be laughing on the other side of their faces - having seen the evidence that they are in FACT so good, that Google ranks them so well.

And that's why Google is my friend, and Xezop993 doesn't know what the hell, he (or she) is talking about.

How to make people laugh at your business.

Business is a serious business and nothing more so now that business is in declining from the recession created by Gordon Brown in his last budget. I have some experience of business management and franchise operations ( over 8 months at Burger King alone!) so I feel well placed to advise business people about their businesses.

Firstly, it's important to understand why your business isn't doing so well. Could it be that what you are selling, or the service you are offering isn't suitable for the current ecomonic climate that we all find ourselves in right now? Perhaps you are a luxury goods provider, and people can't afford your luxury goods at the moment, because they have just lost their jobs. Maybe you should think of opening a pound shop on your premises until things pick up a bit?

Pound shops can be an excellent place to conduct business when people haven't got enough money and they need a cheap car cleaning spong and a multipack of hula hoops to see them through the dark days of the worst recession we've ever seen since the last one.

Changing your business is just one step you can take to avoid having to live like a common or garden chav, but while you are busy 'downsizing' your business to something more suited to the economic reality of life these days in post Soviet Britain, you also need to consider that no business can go from high class watch makers and jewellers, to a pound shop without some excellent publicity materials and promotion.

If someone in Angola wants to find a pound shop in Sheffield for instance, you want to get the very best possible search result in Google. It's no good having meta tags or keywords for Sheffield Pound Shop - as all the other pound shops in Sheffield will have gone for that obvious tag. No, what you need is something more specific, like for instances thus this, if your name is David Groat, then what you need is to be number 1 for the search term "david groat, no longer a high class watch maker and jeweller, but now a pound shop until things pick up a bit"

Using this sytem will guarantee you the number 1 spot for anyone anywhere in the whole world who wants to know where the best pound shop is in northern Britain. and searches for that term!

Alongside all of that there services which can be provided by any good popular SEO expert, you will need something eyecatching to attract people to your new pound shop (or whatever scummy type of business you decide to do until things pick up a bit). I suggest that something like a cartoon logo for your shop and publicity material would be a very good start.

Here is an few examples of the sort of cartoon logos that I can create for your business to see you through the recession, and avoid that sale of that much loved kidney.

I can be contacted for quotes for all such commissioned work via my normal contact email address (business email) leonard.gubbins@googlemail.com or HERE

How much do you charge for your cartoons?

Anyone who knows me or this website knows that my standard fee for cartoons and illustrations is £20 per cartoon (hourly rate, if my sister phones and interrupts me then it could be quite a bit more), but I've noticed that many cartoonists are very secretive about what they charge for their cartoons.

I think this is the wrong way to conduct business. You wouldn't go to buy a fridge in a shop that didn't display the prices, would you, and therefore why should it be any different for cartoons? Cartoons are to business what fridges are to kitchens full of cheese that needs to be stopped from going smelly, unless it's a type of cheese that is supposed to be smelly, is the way I think of it. Sometimes I think of everything in terms of preserving cheese.

Lean on me...

I am often asked where I drawer my rather excellent cartoons and these people asking me this don't mean which room in the house I use, but what I rest my paper on.

There are many 'desks' available for the use of cartoonists these days, unlike during the second world war, where all the desks had to be melted down to build Spit Fries. I was looking for a new desk recently, as I found the kitchen table I was using wasn't really good enough, now that I am a professional cartoonist. My first port of call was, of course, the Argos catologe. Argos have a great reputation for Gel pens and garden furniture, so one could expect them to also have a great range of desks for cartoonists. How wrong I was. As you can see the only desk they had in stock was this one below (this bit of writing). Now that may be a suitable desk for a cartoonist that is just a hobby cartoonist that just drawers cartoons for a hobby, or just for something to do - but professional cartoonists have a few more requirements from their desks. Luckily Argos have a very good exchange/refund policy, so once I'd got my wife/girlfriend to build the desk, and then un-build it - we took it back to get a refund.

Now I was stuck with the dilema of which desk I should buy for my cartoon professional career.

I went into the bed shop next door to Argos, while wife/girlfriend went next door to Brantano's to look at some flip flops for her forthcoming community service. I knew it was a long shot, but who knows. They might have an old desk in the managers office that they didn't want any more. They didn't, so I walked out in disgust, and gave them the sort of look that told them in no terms uncertainly that they have lost me as a customer forever (even for bedroom furniture).

This would have made an ideal desk for a cartoonist, but the bed shop didn't have any for sale!

Goodbat, Nightman

Goodbat, Nightman

by Roger McGough

 

God bless all policemen

and fighters of crime,

May thieves go to jail

for a very long time.

They’ve had a hard day


helping clean up the town,


Now they hang from the mantelpiece


upside down.


A glass of warm blood


and then straight up the stairs.


Batman and Robin


are saying their prayers.

They’ve locked all the doors

and they’ve put out the bat,


Put on their batjamas

(They like doing that)


They’ve filled their batwater-bottles


made their batbeds,


With two springy battresses


for sleepy batheads.


They’re closing red eyes

and they’re counting black sheep.


Batman and Robin


Are falling asleep.


Mother's Day is approaching!

Look out people. It'll soon be Mothers Day, and you'll miss out if you don't order her a gift soon!

These professional keep-sakes are available now. Don't delay, or you might miss out on that very special gift. Suitable for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentines Day, 40th Birthdays.
You're friends and loved ones will be speechless when they open a gift from Leonard Gubbins Cartoon Services (UK) Limited.

Shrove Tuesday.

I am often asked if I know the origin of Shrove Tuesday. Well it just so happens that I do. Shrove Tuesday was actually invented on a Wednesday, but that was Mrs Shroves bingo night, so it was later decided that it should be on a Tuesday. The first Tuesday after Valentines day was decided as probably the best day to get rid of all those spare eggs that were lying around after Valentines day.

Then Better Crocker got involved, and she messed up that shit big time with her instant pancake mix. Add water and shake became the usual way to celebrate pancake day. Traditionalists still like to use frying pans and 'flip' or toss their pancakes, sometimes sticking them to the ceiling (usually the kitchen ceiling)

Which made me think of a wonderful cartoon!

Shrove Tuesday Cartoon.

SEO Marketing specialist.

Have you ever wonderered how come this website is on page 34,990 on Google for SEO Marketing Specialist? That's because it's been optimised for usage of Google. And I can do this for your website too! Yes, for just £20 per key word (a key word is like a word that has something to do with your website or business that Google will hopefully find and then associate that word with your business or website) I will enter your site, and insert something very special and will get you high up.

*I'm very sorry, but I cannot offer this service to those living in West Yorkshire.