How much is too much?

I have often been asked how do I get into a line of business such as yours? I don't know what your line of business is, so I can't really answer that, but I assume they might mean (these people that I dream about) that what you mean is: How do you get into cartoons?


Cartoonists can charge anything they want to charge a customer. It's not like fridges. There is no Government price controls. Some charge £10 per cartoon (but they aren't very good if they are charging that much). and some charge £20 (these are usually better cartoonists). and sometimes as much as £2,000! It all depends how you want to use the cartoon. For instance, in my instance I would charge someone more money if they wanted to hang my cartoon in their through lounge, and I would charge less money if they just wanted to hang it in their downstairs lav. If they wanted a bespoke service, such as a limited run of tea-towels printing with a cartoon design of their favorite tortoise, or a much loved child for instance thus far and such like.

Hilarious Child/Tortoise Cartoon by Leonard Gubbins Design Studio Limited.

Hear's more unoriginal crap.

I'm stunned. Just this very morning (incidentally the three year anniversary of the death of my mothers next door neighbor of all days!) I discover that someone has been copying my hard work of hilarious cartoons and illustrations (at reasonable prices). 


I cannot understand why anyone would want to copy my highly original artwork, done using unique methods, that no one else should be using. Here' is the offending cartoon:

and here is the cheap copy:


As you can see the similarities are just staggering. Why would someone want to do this to me? I depend on drawings such as the above one thus. I'm sorry to say this, but if I ever find out who is pirating my hilarious cartoons (at reasonable prices) I shall have no option to sue them.

Choosing toys for Christmas.

This time of year many people with Children, or those that know people with Children, such as Grandparents are thinking of buying toys for children, but where to start? There's so many toys available these days for children that it can be difficult to choose something that's appropriate. If you go to a large toy department shop there are millions of toys to choose from. Where to start?


A good way to choose toys for children to give them at this time of year for Christmas is to watch what your child already plays with, and just as importantly what they don't play with. If little Jimmy never touches that 500 piece jigsaw of Whitley Bay, then it's probably not a good idea to buy little Jimmy another 500 piece jigsaw of Whitley Bay. He won't appreciate it at all! But what if he enjoys playing with his Power Rangers figures or his older brothers Roller Skates? Then, a good starting point would be some Power Rangers on roller skates perhaps?

Whatever you do, ensure that the toy gift you buy the child (or children) this year is suitable for their age. A petrol Chainsaw is not a suitable gift for an 8 year old under any circumstances, even if they do have ambitions to be a lumberjack later in life!

A Wheelie good joke.

We seem to be restricted by more and more and more rules these days. From rules of written language that restricts those that couldn't go to school from self expressing themselves, to the rules about which side of the road you should drive on, even during the lord mayors parade road redirections. Wheelie bins are a wheelie good idea, but local councils limit what you can put into them. Surely they can't object to people putting wheels into a wheelie bin can they?

A very funny wheelie bin cartoon. The local councils restrict what can be put into peoples

bins these days, but surely they can't object to wheels being put into a wheelie bin?



Artwork & Joke © Leonard Gubbins 2010

Making smooth images for the internet age.

I have been struggling for some time with getting the images I create to look just right on my website, or blog. No matter how low I make the resolution, or how many filters I apply, the images often look very poor quality.

I have decided that this must be because everyone else makes their jpeg images with Vector Graphics or something very technicological like that. Not knowing anything about vector graphics, I have decided to produce all my work in vector images from now on. Fortunately I don't have any commissions at the moment (that was lucky!) so I'll have time to play around with the various settings and get this right, and then advise others on how to be an expert with vector graphics.

Keep watching this space. I'm downloading http://inkscape.org/ now and hope to learn how to use this very soon. Smooth graphics are on the way soon!

Well that wasn't very impressive.

Why is it that whenever men drink alcohol they promise to cut the lawn the following weekend, and then spew up in the toilet before leaving the house to find a kebab house, even though you live in a small village that doesn't even have a chip shop?

And then don't cut (or mow) the lawn the following weekend (because they are having an operation or something stupid like that?)

*still image from future projected animation short for children's TV (Channel 5?)

Giving the client what they want.

I have often been asked how I negotiate with clients when I'm selling my services of providing cartoons to clients, and I know that this process is very interesting to many of you reading this website.

Here's a recent example of an email discussion I had with a very difficult client (names changed to protect the innocent)

Client:

Dear Susan Ledrow,

I am the managing director of an ice cream administration company, and I would like a new logo for my company vehicle. I'd like something that looks friendly, and attractive to my clientele who are usually of a young age.

Are you able to provide graphics for a vehicle? Please let me know the cost, before I decide to go ahead with this project. I have a very limited budget.

Mr W. Hippie.

Now this was an interesting project, but after doing some research on the various print on demand website sites I was obliged to reply thus such:

Dear Mrs Thurrock,

Thank you very much for your interesting email about me desiging some cartoons for your ice cream van. While I would be delighted to provide you with the service that you have requested, I am not sure how to get the cartoon designs printed directly onto your vehicle. While I now have a colour printer, sadly it is only an A4 model, and will not accomodate a vehicle of your size.

If you'd still like me to provide the designs, maybe you could find a van printer yourself? Please let me know if you'd like me to work on some rough ideas for your vehicle. Have you got a website? I could easily design something for that.

Miss Clair Moumatch.

I forgot to mention how much I was going to charge, and thought nothing more of it. Probably wouldn't hear from this client again, but 3 weeks later:

Dear Leo Gussett,

Thank you for your reply to my email. I only require the design to be produced by you. I already have a printer that will reproduce the design for me on vynal sheets which can easily be affixed to my vehicle.

If you can produce some rough designs for me, and let me know how much you would charge me, I would be most greatful. If this is not possible, then I shall just use the design I used last time, before the respray.

Sincerly,

Mrs Chris Ledyard.

I was relieved that the client had his own printing company to repro (reproduce) the design and set to work straight away on some rough ideas for the design:

Dear mr Biles,

Here is a rough ideas for the logo for your ice cream van vehicle. I forgot to mention there's no charge for rough ideas, and if you like the design, my charge will be just £20 (design will be emailled to you free of charge), or if you want it printed and posted to you I will have to charge postage and packaging charge of £2.88 + £20 design fee. This is a license to use the artwork outright with no further charges.

Please let me know how you would like to proceed.

Leonard Gubbins.

Unfortunately that was the last I heard from this client. I'd done some speclative work, in the hope of making some money with this client, but they never got back to me. Frustrating, yes, but as most professional cartoonists and illustrators will tell you, it's all part of the course. Hopefully one day I'll be able to use these designs for another client that approaches me for some work.

UPDATE: A few days later I successfully sold a missing cat poster to Mrs Stocker down the road. The cat was never found.

The Rejection Section

Hears the first cartoon in the new feature I thought of for this blog - The Rejection Section ©. This cartoon was sent to over 8 different publications, and yet surprisingly, despite the fact it's been specially 'hand shaded' they all rejected it. Well, I'd like to be able to say they rejected it, but the fact is - they ignored it. How very rude! That's 8 more publications that are on my shit list.

The way things appear to be going, there's only going to be Smash Hits magazine, and MotorHome Monthly left to accept my hilarious cartoons.

If you know of a publication that deserves the chance to publish my unique humourous cartoons, then please let me know. The local post office to be has quite a limited range of periodicals, and Mrs Braithwaite gets a bit upitty if I spend too long fingering her glossies.

Do you drink more than you think?

It's often claimed that people drink more than they think and that this is somehow harmful to them, but I disagree with this idea that people do drink more than they think. Even to have a drink, you have to think things like, what time does the pub open, or will that Advocate from last Christmas still be OK to drink? So instantly, before a single drop of drink has entered, you've already been thinking more than you have been drinking.

Of course once you start drinking, it's quite possible that you start stopping thinking quite as much as you would normally, but even the most drunkard drunk person is still thinking, even if it's such total nonsense as "I wonder what the cat would look like with a mohican" and other such trivial thoughts. It's still thinking!

*This website does not condone drinking of alcoholic beverages, or thinking so hard that you might realise that alcoholic beverages are a valid alternative to real life.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8745555.stm

Drawing tutorials. How to draw a policeman. Part 1.

Recently I posted an hilarious cartoon about a policeman arresting a criminal. Many people asked me how I managed to draw such a convincing policeman, so here's a quick tutorial for any cartoonists out there that would like to drawer a policeman in their cartoons.

Perhaps you have a funny joke in mind about policemen, or you just want to do a joke about taking down particulars (could be a smutty joke for Viz or some low quality humour magazine such as thus.).

I forgot to colour in the boots of this policeman, but I'm assured after much research that they should be dark brown or black. I'd love to see readers attempts at following this tutorial, and maybe I could give them all marks out of 5. 5 being the best.

Hilarious Crime Joke Cartoon.

I have drawed this wonderful cartoon of a criminal 'fencing' some stolen goods and then getting arrested by a policeman for 'fencing' stolen goods. I think it's hilarious, and so did the jehovis witness that I showed it to this morning. He thought it was so funny, that he needed to leave immediately to 'tell all of his friends where the cartoonist lives'. Which I thought was nice.

Crime is of course never hilarious, and I'm sorry to any readers who've had their goods fenced in this way. No offence intended. Crime is never funny. Not even when a clown is raped.

Rip off car insurance. Grrrrrrrr.....

I was charged with seeking a good deal for my wife/girlfriends car insurance, so I visited the local insurance broker (broker is an appropriate name for them, as they seem to specialise in breaking people!). I gave them all the information required for them to do a search on the details required. I get a quote for £345 for 1 years insurance including a no claims discount of 3 years. Everything seemed fine, when I get a phone call from the broker the next day to say that the insurance has been refused because I'd forgotten to tell them about a little accident my girlfriend had over 4 years ago when driving her Fiat Tipo.

Now when I tried to seek another insurance policy I was told that the price would now be over £1,000 as a result of this minor shunt she had in her Fiat Tipo. WHAT??? This is a complete rip off. I was furious, and if the police hadn't already been called I would have probably given them a reason to claim on their insurance. Don't insurance companies realise that once someone has had such a minor shunt, they are MORE CAREFUL IN THE FUTURE! Therefore, thus making them safer drivers in the future. I'm sick and tired of this rip -of -Britain that I've been told about in the quality press such as thus Daily Mail and the Daily Telegraph. This is just another example of it. Well now we are making a stand against R.O.B. and needless to say my Wife/Girlfriend is now driving without any insurance at all. I understand there's a fund available for un-insured drivers to make claims on anyway, so it seems pointless to just let them financially rape her like this.

Hand it 2.

In the secone tutorial in this series of how to draw hands in your cartoons, we are looking at how to drawer a hand that is grasping something very firmly. This can often be a very useful ability to have, particularly if you are illustrating a survival skills newsletter, or a boy scout manual, for instance.

As you can see it's very easy to do once you get used to it, it'll be second nature and you'll be doing this without even thinking about it, until your tea is ready. Just be careful not to stay up all night doing this, as you'll exhaust yourself in next to no time.

A change of plan...

I'm having a couple of days off from Blogging. I have far too many cartoons to draw for clients, and also have a secret project that I'm working on to impress you all thinking that I have secret projects.

If I pull this off, I could be over £20 richer by the end of today!

As you can see, I changed my mind about having a few days off. Articles have been written for the entire week. Updates daily at 9am.

Remove your site from Google, or else!

What to do if someone doesn't like your cartoons?

I am often asked how I deal with people who don't like my cartoons. Well this is a difficult question, because as any brilliant cartoonist like myself will tell you, just about everyone loves my cartoons. But in reality, and considering that my cartoons are available for the whole world to view and comment upon online, the world over and over (even people in West Yorkshire and Dunstable can see them!) there is bound to be a few people that don't like them.

My tactics for dealing with people that don't like my cartoons is to find out WHY, they don't like my cartoons, and the proceed to help them with their cartoon phobia problem. I like to psychologically assess the person I am dealing with. I think it's very important to understand why they are (criminally?) insane and as a good citizen attempt to help them like them.

Threatening them with legal action can be very effective. The cartoon liason officer at my local community outreach support network is excellent. Whenever I approach him to tell on someone who doesn't like my cartoons, he always assures me that "they are probably just jealous". I find this very comforting, but I do wish he'd buy one of my cartoons for his office wall. He assures me that his office wall is full of mugshots of Nigerian hookers (he's working on a top secret case, so can't tell me anymore) and therefor he cannot accept one of my wonderful caricatures of the Chief Constable.

Which Pencil?

I am often asked which type of pencil I use to draw my wonderful cartoons. Do I use a cheap HB pencil from the post office perhaps? Do I use some expensive pencils bought from a blind monk with a dodgy knee perhaps?


Of course not. Get away from me, you lunatic. Is often my reply. Why is it so hard to get somebody sectioned these days?


But I realise that for many aspiring cartoonist that read my website looking for brilliant advice on getting on in the easy game of drawing silly little pictures for large amounts of money the choice of pencil is very important. I personally don't use pencils for my artwork, as I think it's better to draw directly onto the paper (I read that in a book). Drawing with pencil is for spineless cowards, who quite frankly don't have the skill or balls to spend 5 hours on a complex drawing directly in ink. I'm a MAN, and I draw directly in INK! So what if sometimes my pictures don't turn out quite as I intended? Remember, it's NOT the outcome that's important. If you attempt to draw a dog, and it ends up looking more like a goat - it doesn't matter! That's what the experts call, a unique style. (it's also what I call it).


It's also worth remembering that your clients are paying £20 per hour, so to spend hours and hours re-drawing cartoons to make them look perfect is going to cost your client money, and in this difficult economic climate money is a rare thing. No. It's much better to be quick. Draw what you want to draw, and be done with it. If it's not looking right, at least it's going to be cheap - and that's very important these days.

Update on my cyber peeping tom.

As some of you will be aware of those who I have hither told about on this website, I have been the victim of a cruel and heartless imitator. Someone who thought I had no sense of humour at all and copied my blog with a terribly shoddy imitiation of this thus said blog. I have warned this cyber peeping tom that unless they removed EVERYTHING from the internet that I didn't like, I would report them to the police. They have failed to do this, and so I have had no option but to report them to the police. The local police don't actually man the local police station after 3pm on week days, and so thus I left a message on their community action hotline. I imagine once they listen to their messages they will start a thorough investigation into my complaint. I'm seeing flip charts. Case conferences. Flashing lights.