Friday, 7 May 2010

Laughing at insanity, knowing how to apply a bandage.

I've often been asked about how much I know about insanity. This usually occurs just after I've shown someone my cartoons for the first time.

Funnily enough, I did once train to be a psychologist many years back, but I found that people boring me with their pathetic problems wasn't for me, so I didn't go back for the second day of training. Having experience of being a psychologist for even a short time did equip me with the knowledge to read people quite well, particularly insane people, of which there is many of them on the estate that  I live. 

The insane people are usually the ones wearing the inappropriate hats, so it's easy to spot an insane person, unless they are not wearing a hat in which case it's usually a little harder. Just asking someone if they are insane isn't usually that effective, particularly if they are Geordies, as they are likely to reply "Yeah, I'm mad me!". Playing word association games with strangers at a bus stop isn't that advisable either, as it can usually involve a discussion with the constabulary.

Concentrating just on the obvious ones with the inappropriate hats is usually the best tactic when trying to identify insane people.

So just what is an inappropriate hat you may ask? Well, wearing a bowler hat in a working mans club is obviously a clear sign of madness, unless they are part of the entertainment.

Wearing a rain hat in a charity shop can be a sign of insanity, unless the string is wet and stuck, and it has been raining outside.

Wearing a flat cap while driving an Italian supermini is a sign of insanity, unless the person is in Yorkshire at the time, in which case it's probably just a sign of poverty.

Without knowing for certain if someone is insane or not, can make it very difficult to mock and laugh at the insane people on your local estate. It's a mind-field for certain, but get it right, and there's lots of fun to be had. Basic knowledge of first aid is always useful when laughing at insanity.


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  2. Actually, the most raucous, demonic and ear-splitting laughter I've ever heard has been that uttered by insane people, some of whom are very happily mad and like you to join in.

    Other than that, some people will complain that someone's come along in the night and stolen their hair (hence the need for hats) under which circumstances the wearing of entirely inappropriate hats actually has some kind of logic about it. They may also complain that someone's stolen limb(s); if you meet someone with this particular gripe and they are patently still in possession of native-grown ones, as opposed to prosthetics, this may give a little clue as to a degree of delusion here.

    Finally, if you pay someone a visit and they've painted the wall, curtains, carpet and sofa with varying shades of red emulsion, you can be pretty certain that they have some kind of mental health problem. Or maybe they just like red.

  3. I think you've added something rather useful to this article with your wonderful comments and insightful comments.

    Cathy I am back from my service to the community by the way. I'm thinking of redesigning the website to fool some people into thinking it's not quite as shit as the website they think they might have visited before. What do you think? I'm thinking a nice bright red colour scheme.

  4. Nice bright red, yes. Getting lots of little matchpots in not quite matching shades does the job quite well, in my experience. Much more interesting than having the entire living room painted all the same shade.