Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Another summer precautionary tale

I was working in a psychiatric unit only the other day, when one of the clients related the following story:

"The other day I was walking down my front garden path, when a man said to me 'Nice tits!' and I said 'They are rather, aren't they? Would you like to come in and have a closer look?'

He readily agreed, and I took him out to my back garden, where there were plenty of exemplars of the genus Paridae. I pointed out cyanistes caeruleus, periparus ater and parus major. I pointed out that I had known cyanistes caeruleus to be described as 'featherus nibblius cheekii', but that this was probably something in the nature of a jape.

Then, right on cue, entered a small flock of aegithos caudatus and I explained that these do not belong to the genus Paridae at all, but to Aegithalidae, which are African birds more commonly known as 'babblers'.

To my surprise and horror, he said 'They aren't the only ones!' and attempted to grope me in the chest region. So I hit him over the head with a bird table, he jumped over the garden fence and I haven't seen him since. Of course, this disturbed all the feeding birds and it took a good half hour before normality was resumed. How can I prevent garden pests attempting to ruin my paradise of tranquility in the future? Do you think a hand grenade would help?"

I've advised her not to take this route, and to pay more attention to her personal hygiene. Leonard's warning about the 'council house shower' was both timely and pertinent. Whoops, that nearly came out as 'council hose shower' - but that can be useful too.

1 comment:

  1. Smashing advice Cathy. I'm sure those other Birdologists out there will find it very helpful to keep this in mind.

    I once had a similar experience when I passing nun wanted to see my prize winning cockeral, but I think I can probably stretch that one into a whole article, so I shall say no more at this stage.