Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Top TEN things to do if you find out your next door neighbours are getting divorced.

Cartoon about divorcing neighbors. Available for sale
through this website. Unique sou -veneer 
Divorce is a popular statistic these days. Many people are doing it for all sorts of reasons. Some people are doing it because they are doing it.

What many people don't realise when they get divorced, is the effect that this will have on the people around them. Neighbours for instance. Quite often neighbours won't realise that their neightbours are getting a divorce until it's already happened and this can make things very awkward. Imagine popping over to borrow the lawn mower, only to find out that the lawn mower AND the lawn have been taken by the partner that is no more!

Here's a list of things that neighbours can do to avoid uncomfortable situations.

1. Talk to your neighbours at least once per week.
2. Take notes, if you overhear any arguments taking place. This could be valuable evidence, if things become real flaky pastry!  
3. Look out of your windows several times per day and make mental note of any visitors to the neighbours house. Plumber visiting 3 times per week for the last 4 months? Probably having an affair which could end in divorce.
4. Listen for typical 70's porn music coming from the house when the plumber is there. It could be very loud, drowning out any dialog!
5. If you lend your neighbour anything, ensure that you get it back withing a week or so. This reduces the chances that it'll get lost in the division of assets. It's your hedge trimmer, she has no right to give it to her new boyfriend.
6. If you think your neighbours are about to get divorced, then decide which neighbour you are going to side with. Probably best to pick the one that is most likely to remain in the house.
7. Do not under any circumstances offer to take a hit on the cheating partner. It is murder and you will go to prison (where many of your neighbours are likely to be divorced!)
8. If one partners belongings get thrown into the street, offer to browse through them and make an offer for any items you'd like (check electrical items are working first!). The thrown out partner will be grateful for the extra money that they'll need to spend on a B&B accommodation.
9. Don't take either neighbour in as a lodger, unless you need the £4,390 pa rent that you can charge tax free.
10. Good luck. Chances are that both your newly divorced neighbours will have to leave the marital home sooner or later. You will now get new neighbours. They may be friendly, or they may be common scum with a rabid dog and asbo kids. Whatever you do, try not to worry.