News reports are coming in from Betty across the road that last night there was an altercation with the Police, and the man that was being in the processed of being arrested, bite off his own ear!
Unfortunately, I have been unable to verify this report and have not got photographic evidence of this event, but I managed to find this on Google Images:
I am not sure if this is the same sort of ear that was bitten off allegedly by the man, or why he was arguing with a policeman (to be honest, I'd long since retired to bed after my Cadbury's Options Drinking Chocolate). Betty could not furnish me with any further details as she needed to keep an appointment with her Craig's social worker , and when I phoned the police station in the capacity of a citizen reporter, the desk sergeant hung up on me!
Do you know a man with good teeth, and an ear missing? Perhaps he used to wear glasses, but is now unable to?
Please let me know.
How can I become a successful cartoonist? This is a question I once asked myself, before I became a successful cartoonist. Many "professional" cartoonists will try to tell you how difficult it is to make a decent living from drawing cartoons of a hilarious nature, but they are wrong.
People of all ages love cartoons. Any cartoons. Any age. People of as young as 10 or 12 love cartoons, although these are technically children, they are still people. Sometimes older people love cartoons as well, unless they are a little old and doddery and don't really understand anything anymore, or perhaps they have just lost their glasses.
People who have lost their glasses don't generally like cartoons, but rest assured that once they find their glasses again, or get a new prescription they love them again.
As a cartoonist you can draw all sorts of cartoons. I like to create unique cartoons using a unique drawing method that other cartoonists don't use, as I don't want to be like other cartoonists with their swimming pools and helicopters - I want to be unique, I want to be me!
I could spend hours and hours learning how to copy drawer cartoons just like other cartoonist, but I want people to be able to look at one of my unique and universally hilarious cartoons and just know it's something I've inflicted on them. This is important to me, as I don't want people to have to read the cartoon and then read a signature of who drew it. People are busy, and if they have to read a signature, they might not have time to read the cartoon (or look at it, if it is a visual cartoon).
What would the point of just having time to look at a signature, and not having time to look at the cartoon, especially if you are in a dreadful hurry to get out of the house to buy some new glasses so you can then appreciate cartoons your mind goes to mush and then you can't.
So in summery, people love cartoons. It doesn't matter how you create them, they will buy them. With a bit of luck they might buy more cartoons in the future - but don't fall for the old cliche of old cartoonists with helicopters. They are just protecting their business. They don't want new people to become cartoonists, because they have swimming pools.
I have been working very hard on my latest project, which is a comic book project about a worm called Woody, or as most people who have now read this will no him as, Woody Worm. In this adventure, which is illustrated in a unique style that has never been done before (all completed by using hands for instance) he has a very strange case of a missing bird table thief to find out about and see where he might be hiding so he can then reveal where he has been hiding and report to the appropriate authorities. BUT! The story has a unique twist which has never been done before on the pages of the web, the thief is in fact - a WOMAN!
This hilarious comic strip was design for a paying customer, who has had numerous problems with his mobile phone ever since I sent him the rough version of this exclusive story. He is unable to answer his phone from anyone who uses the same network that I use. Most frustrating!
I sent him an email demanding payment, or I would publish the cartoon on my website instead, and he did not respond. So here's it is. The woman with pink hair is his mother, BTW. Now she won't get her hilarious and unique birthday gift, and there loss is you're gain, dear readership of this thus blog/website.
If you'd like your family immorallised in a cartoon form, then please get in touch.
I can also draw snails quite well.
I have recently decided that I should offer my services to charities for no charge whatsoever. After a rather uncomfortable altercation with a certain local Mothers and Toddlers Church Group over some Mural artwork (it only looked like an appendage when all the strip lights in the Church hall were switched on at the same time), I have decided to refund 10% of their fee and offer my services to Charities for free from now on.
How do I find time in my hecktic sheduale to find the time for such endevours, I hear you ask me? Well for starters I have stopped watching Cash In the Attic. The programme just isn't what it used to be. Even Aire Hunters holds little appeal to me, knowing that there's some terrible charities out there in trouble, without any cartoons.
So that's at least 1 hour per day time in my studio that I can offer this unlimited offer until the end of April. Maybe you are a baby Hedgehog sancturary that needs some unique designs to be created for you by a talented individual, but you can't afford them? Well come to Leonard instead! All my services are free of charge (excluding legitimate expenses).
Some other types of Charities that might benefit from my unique skills of drawing and colouring by using my hands are:
A mobile bloodbank Charity
Running Charity for people in coma's
Subsidence misuse Charity for tramps?
Family Planning Charity for a Bunny Sanctuary?
Irish Underwear collection Charity for the Third World
The posibilities are endless for good causes to get some unique cartoon artwork for their use on things like phamplets, brouchures, adverts, who knows, even tea towels!
*All designs have had unique copyright applied to them, but the Charities are allowed to use them for free, with written permission.
I have decided to dedicate some of my website to the great work of great good cartoonists (one's that actually make a living from drawing and selling cartoons for a living).
Thus, I extend this offer to all my readers. Do you know a Very good cartoonist, that would like to be interviewed on this very site for the reading pleasure of the readership of this website?
All cartoonist I interview (via email, I cannot travel due to the fuel crisis, and long standing environmental issues) will have the chance to have their work displayed right here, on TALENT FREE, for free. No charge and no obligation to draw anything they don't want to.
I would also like to interview people who aren't very good cartoonists, but have lots of enthusiasm and who know's, may improve one day, perhaps by reading interviews with cartoonists that are better than them right here on TALENT FREE.
Please contact me at leonard.gubbins@gmail.com
I've always wanted to be a writer, but not having much time to devote to writing a proper book, I have come to the conclusion that it would be much easier to just knock out a Childrens book instead.
This is an ideal project for me, for thus I can add some pictures to the book. This saves on words needed (children don't like books with too many words anyway, as everyone knows they are fundamentally lazy), and I possess unique skills in my drawing abilities of drawing 2 of the most difficult subjects in the world of cartoonists - FISH and BICYCLES!
So I introduce to you, loyal visitor - Geoffry the Bike Riding GOLDFISH ©.
Unfortunatly I haven't had time to actually write the story as of yet, but I thought I'd start with the front cover (for this is where I believe my potential readers will start anyway, and I can't see any sense in starting this book on, say, page 47)
I have spent most of the last 20 minutes thinking of some fun stories that Geoffry might get up to.
- Geoffry dodges his TV license fee, and hides from the dreded TV inspector
- Geoffry has his online shopping delievered by Asda or Tesco (needs more work to decide which works best for a GOLDFISH riding bicycalist).
- Geoffry gets into a nasty legal battle with his arch enemy, Sammy the Skateboarding Salmon.
I've based the stories I've yet to write down (but I have copyrighted them ©) on my own life, but I would like to state and not just for legal reasons, but for moral reasons as well, that I do possess a TV license. It's £145.50 per year and I pay by cheque.
Hi, my name is Leonard, and I'm a very enthusiastic cartoonist and designer. I have experience of applying *very* special effects to my cartoons, which will give your business cartoons REAL impact that many other cartoonists won't offer. This month I have a special offer for window cleaners who are called Dave. Have this wonderful logo for your business (perhaps on your van, or if you don't have a van, you could have it made into a sticker for your bucket). As a special offer for this month only, I have added a special effect to this cartoon logo (normal price for such effects is £3.29).
You may have noticed that there's room for your phone number, which new customers who've seen your van/bucket will be able to phone to book you to clean their windows. Remember to ask about access to the back garden, and the situation with dogs etc.
** If you are called dave, and you do clean windows, but the hair is wrong then please get in touch. I could change the hair colour very easily, for a limited price of only £4.83.
Next week: I'm doing a business card for a plumber called Hank.
