I believe in Dinosaurs.

Some people think that Dinosaurs died out many years ago and no longer exist. In fact, some people even think that Dinosaurs are extinct.

They are entitled to hold that view, but they are not entitled to share that view (although they do - to anyone who'll listen to them and read their books). Hold or share? Well, I'm here today to share the truth. The truth of what's really happening, and why the establishment want YOU to believe that the Dinosaurs are all dead.

I have to state that I have not seen a live Dinosaur in the wild or on a day trip to the countryside. BUT that is not evidence of something not existing. I have never seen Lionel Blair tap dancing and mincing around a seaside resort, but that doesn't mean he's not real, or existing, or not dead (and all like him)

The establishment want you to believe that Dinosaurs are all dead because they don't want you the great unwashed to panic if you see one. It wouldn't suit their agenda to destroy the values that those of us who believe in Dinosaurs, and low taxation we would like to preserve.

Here's some evidence of recent sightings of Dinosaurs:

1976 Arizona a police patrolman saw something that was quite dark and blurry in his headlights one night. He thinks it might have been a Pterosaurs and not an owl. There's no owls in that part of the desert.

2001 A Chinese man claims to have filed incorrect tax returns, blaming one of his many captive bred Stegosaurus he was farming for a Taiwanese gang of pirates for eating his paperwork. Afterwards he was compelled by the pirates to CHEW all the Stegosaurus up in a giant industrial mincer, to hide their illegal activities and then burn the resulting Dinosaur sludge. No one messes with Taiwanese pirates!

Finally, no Dinosaurs are still with us article is complete without an animated gif.

 

I'm sorry, I'm not supporting that!

I was asked the other day if I would support a charity collection of a few pounds (which I did have, having just been into the co-op for some value tea bags and a scratch card or two), however I was verily offended that I was being asked to support a medical charity for people with memory problems and incontinence.

It's not that I don't think that people with memory problems and incontinence shouldn't be supported, I however think that there's far more important things that should be supported firstly, and that this charity collector should perhaps be collecting money for poorly babies. WHEN there's no more poorly babies around, THEN maybe they could consider asking the general public, and the lower ranking public as well, for money for people with memory problems and incontinence.

Really, the cheek of some people!

What are you're thoughts on charity collectors collecting for the wrong sort of charity, as always, let me know your thoughts in the comment section below. Ones written in bold will get read by me first.

My Mate Dave is Insane.

Sometimes I'm asked by people I know if I will draw them a cartoon. Usually they expect me to do this for no financial compensation whatsoever. However if I ask Mike to look at my car, and perhaps do an oil change, he will still expect to get paid.

My mate Dave is insane. He's a really funny guy. I've told him before that he should do stand-up again. Sure, it didn't go down all that well at the school open day, but they weren't really the right audience for his style of edgy material. He's really funny, and as long as you've had a few drinks yourself, really not that offensive at all. I drew this cartoon for him (for free) as it reminded me of an incident in the mid 90's that I've promised never to repeat. I'm sure once he comes over to pick it up (he's got issues at the moment with his elderly mother/the inland revenue) he'll be hanging in his upstairs toilet (his mother cannot access this toilet due to her recent mobility issues.

*someone at the pub did say this looks remarkably unlike Dave, but I would like to point out this is my artistic interpretation of his features (and he's got a face that's really hard to draw). 

Dream cartoons.

Sometimes it's hard to come up with a good idea for a cartoon. As easy as it maybe to draw excellent cartoons (as I do), coming up with unique original ideas can be difficult at times. Even I feel that sometimes.

One solution I have found is to just listen to your dreams. Last night for instance, I had a dream that some people were being chased by a run-a-way bus (it was a red double decker!). I thought this would make a very interesting cartoon, especially for anyone who has ever been chased by a run-a-way bus. For others, it may seem amusing to some degree. It's one of those special cartoons that everyone can take something away from, from reliving abject horror of a near death experience, to maniacal laughter at watching people running for their lives.

If you would like this cartoon, or another one like it (I can draw taxis as well) for your newsletter or school presentation then please get in touch.
During the month of June I have some very special offers on reproduction fees:

Buy one cartoon, get another cartoon FREE. Cartoons start from just £20. This includes FREE emailing of the cartoon to the address of your choosing - WORLD WIDE service.

* Cartoons in Photoshop format will incur an additional fee of £3.49+vat.

Man bites off his own ear.

News reports are coming in from Betty across the road that last night there was an altercation with the Police, and the man that was being in the processed of being arrested, bite off his own ear!

Unfortunately, I have been unable to verify this report and have not got photographic evidence of this event, but I managed to find this on Google Images:

 I am not sure if this is the same sort of ear that was bitten off allegedly by the man, or why he was arguing with a policeman (to be honest, I'd long since retired to bed after my Cadbury's Options Drinking Chocolate). Betty could not furnish me with any further details as she needed to keep an appointment with her Craig's social worker , and when I phoned the police station in the capacity of a citizen reporter, the desk sergeant hung up on me!

Do you know a man with good teeth, and an ear missing? Perhaps he used to wear glasses, but is now unable to?

Please let me know.

How can I become a successful cartoonist?

How can I become a successful cartoonist? This is a question I once asked myself, before I became a successful cartoonist. Many "professional" cartoonists will try to tell you how difficult it is to make a decent living from drawing cartoons of a hilarious nature, but they are wrong.

People of all ages love cartoons. Any cartoons. Any age. People of as young as 10 or 12 love cartoons, although these are technically children, they are still people. Sometimes older people love cartoons as well, unless they are a little old and doddery and don't really understand anything anymore, or perhaps they have just lost their glasses.

People who have lost their glasses don't generally like cartoons, but rest assured that once they find their glasses again, or get a new prescription they love them again.

As a cartoonist you can draw all sorts of cartoons. I like to create unique cartoons using a unique drawing method that other cartoonists don't use, as I don't want to be like other cartoonists with their swimming pools and helicopters - I want to be unique, I want to be me!

I could spend hours and hours learning how to copy drawer cartoons just like other cartoonist, but I want people to be able to look at one of my unique and universally hilarious cartoons and just know it's something I've inflicted on them. This is important to me, as I don't want people to have to read the cartoon and then read a signature of who drew it. People are busy, and if they have to read a signature, they might not have time to read the cartoon (or look at it, if it is a visual cartoon).

What would the point of just having time to look at a signature, and not having time to look at the cartoon, especially if you are in a dreadful hurry to get out of the house to buy some new glasses so you can then appreciate cartoons your mind goes to mush and then you can't.

So in summery, people love cartoons. It doesn't matter how you create them, they will buy them. With a bit of luck they might buy more cartoons in the future - but don't fall for the old cliche of old cartoonists with helicopters. They are just protecting their business. They don't want new people to become cartoonists, because they have swimming pools.

Introducing a new comic book adventure...

I have been working very hard on my latest project, which is a comic book project about a worm called Woody, or as most people who have now read this will no him as, Woody Worm. In this adventure, which is illustrated in a unique style that has never been done before (all completed by using hands for instance) he has a very strange case of a missing bird table thief to find out about and see where he might be hiding so he can then reveal where he has been hiding and report to the appropriate authorities. BUT! The story has a unique twist which has never been done before on the pages of the web, the thief is in fact - a WOMAN!

This hilarious comic strip was design for a paying customer, who has had numerous problems with his mobile phone ever since I sent him the rough version of this exclusive story. He is unable to answer his phone from anyone who uses the same network that I use. Most frustrating!

I sent him an email demanding payment, or I would publish the cartoon on my website instead, and he did not respond. So here's it is. The woman with pink hair is his mother, BTW. Now she won't get her hilarious and unique birthday gift, and there loss is you're gain, dear readership of this thus blog/website.

If you'd like your family immorallised in a cartoon form, then please get in touch.

I can also draw snails quite well.