Top TEN things to do if you find out your next door neighbours are getting divorced.

Cartoon about divorcing neighbors. Available for sale
through this website. Unique sou -veneer 

Divorce is a popular statistic these days. Many people are doing it for all sorts of reasons. Some people are doing it because they are doing it.


What many people don't realise when they get divorced, is the effect that this will have on the people around them. Neighbours for instance. Quite often neighbours won't realise that their neightbours are getting a divorce until it's already happened and this can make things very awkward. Imagine popping over to borrow the lawn mower, only to find out that the lawn mower AND the lawn have been taken by the partner that is no more!


Here's a list of things that neighbours can do to avoid uncomfortable situations.


1. Talk to your neighbours at least once per week.
2. Take notes, if you overhear any arguments taking place. This could be valuable evidence, if things become real flaky pastry!  
3. Look out of your windows several times per day and make mental note of any visitors to the neighbours house. Plumber visiting 3 times per week for the last 4 months? Probably having an affair which could end in divorce.
4. Listen for typical 70's porn music coming from the house when the plumber is there. It could be very loud, drowning out any dialog!
5. If you lend your neighbour anything, ensure that you get it back withing a week or so. This reduces the chances that it'll get lost in the division of assets. It's your hedge trimmer, she has no right to give it to her new boyfriend.
6. If you think your neighbours are about to get divorced, then decide which neighbour you are going to side with. Probably best to pick the one that is most likely to remain in the house.
7. Do not under any circumstances offer to take a hit on the cheating partner. It is murder and you will go to prison (where many of your neighbours are likely to be divorced!)
8. If one partners belongings get thrown into the street, offer to browse through them and make an offer for any items you'd like (check electrical items are working first!). The thrown out partner will be grateful for the extra money that they'll need to spend on a B&B accommodation.
9. Don't take either neighbour in as a lodger, unless you need the £4,390 pa rent that you can charge tax free.
10. Good luck. Chances are that both your newly divorced neighbours will have to leave the marital home sooner or later. You will now get new neighbours. They may be friendly, or they may be common scum with a rabid dog and asbo kids. Whatever you do, try not to worry.

Riots UK 2011 - The rejection Section.

Terryble crimes have taken place recently, which have been ignored now because of the situation in Libya. Understandablely.


Many of my cartoonist friends seem to have been very busy getting topical cartoons rejected by publications, so I thought I'd join in. Everyone else is doing it, so I'm going to as well.

Here's my hilarious cartoon on the riots: 


I also thought it would be very nice of me to offer this as a t-shirt that people could wear to show their support for the riots and their victims.

Blogging Advice.

I often get asked in PM and private emails that none of you have seen, but I do, about advice on how to become a blogger like me, which is nice. Firstly, it's of the upmost importance to ensure that you have a computer. Blogging without a computer is quite impossible. I'll assume that as you are reading this on my blog, you perhaps do have a computer.

What processor you'll need to write a blog depends on many factors, but you'll probably be OK with any CPU (computer programmining unit) manufactorered within the last 5 - 10 years. A keyboard would be very useful also. Basically, any computer connected to the internet will enable you to write a basic blog.

Once you have a blog next, you'll need some readers to read your blog. Where you might find these might vary from person to person. Perhaps you live on your own, and all your family have emigrated to another country, and you can't afford the phone call to instruct them all to follow your blog. A good way to get readers for your blog is to steal them from other blogs, by constantly posting comments on other people's blogs and ensuring that a link to your own blog is included. Most proffessional bloggers are OK with this, as that's how they got so many readers for their blog.

A WARNING!. When you have a blog, on occassion you'll get bitter and twisted people who will want to upset you and tell you that you got something wrong. Perhaps cats don't get their main source of calcium from eating garden snails, but you must never respond to such vile people. Never admit you've got something wrong. Once you do, all you'll get is other people pointing out your errors! Remember, spelling mistakes are your own unuiqe style.

Well, that ends this short article on advice on how to make a successful blog. I've included some pictures (actually, a selection of my own hand drawn cartoons, available from just £20 as that's something else you should always do on a blog post - include some pictures!)

How to be a successful cartoonist part 4.

I have been drawing cartoons for pleasure and also for business purposes for over 18 months now, and it has been an extraordinary experience learning all about the talent required and how to market my unique creations with the online community. I have drawn tea towels and also roadworks and everything in between.


Most people I speak to about my unique creations assume that some artistic skill is required in producing the type of cartoons that people want to buy and give away to friends and family as unique gifts and suchlike. I've managed to keep families together with my off-beat humorous creations. Stave off divorce (sadly not my own, but that's another story), and have also helped online companies increase their sales targets, therefore I have also saved the small business economy and several jobs in the print on demand tea towel industry! 


PANTS.


I have also helped companies to develop a new range of underwear, based my my humorous designs and unique take on art and design. Quite frankly, I'm brilliant. And I'd like to share my unique techniques with my dear readership on this very blog.

FAQ.

• How do I get ideas for drawing cartoons? I can draw people wearing trousers quite well, but I can't draw a halibut to save my life.
• This is one of the most frequent, frequently asked question I get asked, as a question, and I'd like to answer it like this: Where to get ideas from? Put simply everywhere! All good cartoonists always carry a notebook with them. Whenever you get an idea you must write it down immediately, and make sure your notebook is always fully charged. All good cartoonist, therefore never stray too far from a friendly electrical socket!
• Here's a list of subjects that might give you an idea or two (remember if you sell a cartoon from one of your ideas that you get from this blog, I would like a credit within the cartoon!)
• Cowboys, Indians, cuttlefish, old women weeing themselves in a small post office branch, cavemen doing something like we might do, but in caveman type way (think, Flintstones!), car mechanics ripping off customers, dental nurses loosing patient records, Magazine subscription that never arrives, vomiting cats, shoppers realizing they've left that important voucher at home!, someone listening to the radio, with a poorly budgie!

Well I hope that's given you some starting points and gives you an idea of how to be a successful cartoonist. If you become I successful cartoonist because of these articles, I would love to hear from you. Please write to: leonard.gubbins@gmail.com Many thanks.

How do I sleep in a chair?

I have often been asked advice on such matters as such like and thus, but this week I am going to answer a query from a local person who I have been interacting with therefor whom within the environment of the street local to my own adobe.


This person, whom wished to remain anonymous, question was:


"sometimes I'm just too tired to go to bed at night, and have been thinking about sleeping in my arm chair. How would I go about doing this?"


That's a very interesting question that I would have very much enjoyed answering for my local fellow inhabitant of my local area, but I was in a hurry to rush home and sit down and write a blog post about arm chairs instead.


Firstly we need to know what an arm chair is.

This is not a chair. It is a stool, and consequently it is most unsuitable for sleeping in.

This is a chair, but it is only suitable for seating in, not sleeping in (or on depending on your political personification. 

This is much more like thus the item of furniture that we was discussing just outside the happy shopper.

Instructions for use:

1. Sit in the chair
2. Read a book, or watch a television. (it doesn't matter what kind, Sony, Phillips, Samsung even)
3. Wait until you are tired.
4. DO NOT GO TO BED AT THIS POINT!
5. When you feel yourself drifting off to sleep let yourself go.
6. Now get a cloth from the kitchen and clean the chair.
7. Once chair is dry again, re-enter it and repeat process 1 - 4
8. Wake up next morning any make appointment with a chiropractor. 

Novelty Woman Inspirational Artwork Sketch.

I have been very busy this week, but I still managed to draw some wonderful artwork for your delight, and friendly to your wallet, while also solving your gift problems for months to come.


Fistly, I did this sketch:

I then decided that I could use my new found skills in Photoshop to create something magical with Photoshop. T-Shirts and Tea Towels.

You too could look like the cool guy at a summer BBQ, or even in B&Q!


































Or you could buy your auntie Ethel a lovely set of Tea Towels that she could use to dry the cats bowls with, or just to impress the vicar when he pops round for a crunch cream and a gossip!

Unique fantasy artwork of your children.

Delightful Fantasy Art Photo. Both these children have hay-fever and asthma!

I have decided to offer this unique service to all the loyal readers of this website. Yes you too could have your loved ones immortalized in special fantasy artwork! All you need to do is send me a photo you'd like me to skillfully convert into something totally unique and unusual. Save a fortune on travelling to Japan. I will take your photo and convert it into a unique fantasy photo art-work that you will love. This would look great on a shopping bag, or oven glove, or even a tea towel.

If you'd like me to turn your photos into something truly unique using my skills then once I have your photo I will set to work (depending on day time TV schedule) and get the image back to you within 7 days. Then you can send the image to an online printer who will print the image on a poster, tea mug - whatever you want!!! You might even want to ask the online printer to make this a canvas print, so it looks like an original oil painting (extra charge from me of £8.95 if you choose this option). 

Prices on special offer of only from: £19.99 for one person in the photo, too £49.99 for two or more people in the photo.

So don't delay. I need the money!

Leonard.gubbins@googlemail.com