The best font for your cartoons ...

... has surely got to be this one.

The best fonts for your cartoons.

Searching on my copy of photoshop today I realised that there's a font called Comic Sans. Clearly this has been designed with cartoonists in mind. Brilliant. We now have our own font for use in our cartoons. It's a great shame that there's not more comic fonts available to us, but until there is, we should all be using COMIC SANS as much as possible to promote the cartoon industry.

Welcome Paul Mahoney, our latest Talent Free Author.

I would like to take this opportunity to welcome our latest Talent Free author, Mr Paul Mahoney. He's very kindly agreed to provide this blog with his expert insight into all things concerning rodent contraception, the best plumbers based in the Northwest, Gel Pen techniques, and of course how to make millions of pounds from drawing cartoons.


I'm sure Paul will be providing some really really good articles that will outshine our current Talent Free authors by a large margin. He has promised to publish some Talent Free cartoons, up to 50 times per day, which means that Cathy will be able to take that long promised caravan holiday at long last.


*Photo is not of Mr Mahoney.

Why it's very important to be funny and to laugh if you don't want someone to kill you. Soon.

I recently uncovered the most amazing fact, which I found so amazing that I was instantly amazed:

"Babies who are born blind and deaf can laugh, so the ability to see or hear is not required for laughter."

(Just as well, you might say! Nor is a sense of humour necessary! Arf arf!)

However, this is an evolutionary characteristic which we share with the jackal, the horse, the squid, the kookaburra, the cavalier and the policeman, so it must be necessary for the survival of all of these, especially if they find themselves all occupying the same mine shaft at the same time.

I find that very young children make me laugh more than anyone else. Apart from grannies. And people on crutches. Looking at this from a survival point of view I can see how this could be by 'design', since I can run faster than any of these, and can get out of the way really quick while they attempt to hit me with blunt instruments.

Laughter is now proven to be contagious, like measles and gonorrhoea, but it's probably not as much fun in the catching stage as the latter. Though it's less stressful once you've got it.

How can we use laughter to benefit our lives?

Well, as Leonard has pointed out, brilliant cartoons can arise from normal events in normal lives, such as letting your ten-year-old stretch clingfilm across the loo before Grandpa takes a quick dump, and they can also greatly enhance YOUR business.

I'm still honing my craft here, unlike Leonard, but I'm still proud to offer cartoons written in purple glitter pen written on lavatory paper (Somerfield own brand). They mostly cost £20.00.

Everyone needs a good neighbour 2

This hilarious cartoon has been inspired by Cathy's inspirational story about her neighbour which she posted on here yesterday. I think it's wonderful that Cathy is such a wonderful neighbour. If she doesn't manage to save you, she'll always be willing to help with police enquiries, and that's something very re-assuring for anyone who lives near Cathy, the good neighbour. Her story also makes for a wonderful cartoon. If you have had a neighbourly drama recently, and you'd like a hilarious cartoon all about it, then please email me and I can use your story and my unique imagination to drawer you a wonderful cartoon, just like this one*. Rates start from a very reasonable £20 (hourly rate), so as long as your story isn't that complicated it should only cost you £20. I will email you the cartoon so you can print it out yourself for FREE.

*Your neighbour doesn't need to be tied to a tree. I can also drawer small shrubs and washing lines.

It's very important to be a good neighbour

My next door neighbours (in the next field)(they're horses, i.e. neighbours - Geddit?)(But not really - arf arf!)

Well anyway my neighbours were having their usual Tuesday afternoon shennanigans; these normally involve crowbars and other blunt instruments, with the odd bayonet thrown in for good measure, when ... all of a sudden ... it all went ... quiet!
Then I heard a door slam, with such ferocity that my tin of pilchards fell off the mantelpiece.

Mr Vladtheimpaler from next door was stomping down the road swearing to himself so volubly that he made Old Alkie Ron from the Pig and Whistle sound like Prince Charles. But what had happened to his wee wifey?

Well, I looked out of the window and saw that he had tied her to a tree with her own straitjacket cords. She was unable to move. It started to rain. It didn't look as though she had her mobile phone with her, so would be unable to contact emergency services.

So what did I do? I ordered her a mobile phone, online, and they promised to deliver it within a week, so she'll be able to phone the police/ambulance/local psychiatric unit.

I just don't know what she'd have done without me. It's just SO important to be a good neighbour.

Digital Cartooning.

I have often been interested in the idea of producing brilliant cartoons using the very latest digital technology. These days it's possible to draw very good cartoons with no skills at all, and no paperI have often been interested in the idea of producing brilliant cartoons using the very latest digital technology. These days it's possible to draw very good cartoons with no skills at all, and no paper, or even without a gel pen (glitter or normal).


There's many different kinds of graphics tablets available these days, starting from just $34. It's probably a good idea to buy the cheapest graphics tablet you can find at first, and if you find it useful, to  gradually buy the next most expensive. So you'd start with the $34 one, and then perhaps buy a $55 one and then a £100 one and so on, until you have become such an accomplished digital cartoonist that you are able to spend several thousand pounds (or dollars if you live in the America).


Of course, it goes without saying that it's still very important to have some gel pens and cheap paper lying around, as no matter how expensive your graphics tablet is, none of them work in a power cut! (quite a major design flaw in my opinion!).