Test how humorous you are with a number score!

Have you ever wonderered how funny you are? Well this interesting website may be able to help you decide. It's a wonderful site that displays a cartoon, and then it's members decide on a funny caption for it and then vote. Looks very interesting. It's quite a new site at the moment, but I think it could be something really big very soon (within a year or even less!).

It's a marvelous way to use cartoons for the normal people out there to vote on their favourite caption, and it's also very good 'creative exercise' as they say on the site. I'm thinking of sending them some of my own cartoons, and see what they can make caption wise of them!

Doing business on the internet.

If only I'd discovered the wonders of gel pens when I was younger. Perhaps I'd have chosen to be a cartoonist much earlier in life when I was younger? As it was I didn't decide to be a cartoonist until February this year. At first I thought it might be difficult, but then I joined a cartoonist forum and after giving some advice to the other cartoonists on there, I decided to give up my job at the drop in centre and devote my life to making wonderful cartoons and making people smile, with my dynamic and unique cartoons, always remembering that those that criticise are just jealous of my natural abilities to make people laugh. Everyone who has seen one of my cartoons has laughed at me - and there's no better endorsement of brilliant talent then that!  


Here's a quick look back at some of those cartoons.

A Day in a cartoonist's Hard Days Night.

I never knew Elenor Rigby, but I bet if I did she wouldn't have stolen that moped, or robbed the Londis Store, before blowing her mind out in a bar.

When a cartoonist, like what I am, is given a commission for drawing something for a client, I often have to go through a certain routine, that quite often involves checking my gel pens are all present and correct. There's nothing worst than starting a project only to fine the Silver Magic gel pen is missing, and you need to draw a cod piece to make the whole thing work in humour terms of endearment, and what have you.

I often get my best ideas when sitting on the toilet (number 1 or two - there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it), or sometimes when making toast for my busy family. It may take me days, or several days, up to a week, or even sometimes several months to get an idea, but when I do there's no stopping me. The PVR is set to record ANYTHING, with Tim Walcott in it and I'm away in the spare bedroom - moving all the dress making equipement out of the way until I finish this cartoon. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to drawing, and I will often randomly rip up my creations until the voice in my head tells me that enough gel pen ink has been used on this project, and if the client doesn't like it - they must have a infected face or somethink.

Here's one I did for the BBC recently.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/

Cartoons for your Goldfish.

I've had a brilliant idea today that I'm going to have to copyright protect from being stolen. I have written down this idea and posted it to myself within a special gauranteed envelope, therefor copyrighting it for the future so I can protect this idea from being stolen by one of the Den Dragons or Richard Branston (who actually stole the idea for Branston Pickle!).

My idea safely protected I can now reveal it to the millions of people who could find this website if they only used Google properly. It is a well known fact that Goldfish like to have pictures behind their aquariums, and this is usually just some pretty coloured prints of plants and shipwrecks and stuff like that. I thought there's a gap in the market here for an idea that would replace the boring static pictures of underwater scenes, with a collection of cartoons (fish based or not?) This would provide continued interest for any visitors you had at your home, as they would see something different each time they looked at the aquarium.

I'm seeking £3,000 for 5% of the Fishy Backgrounds Limited. For this I will buy an A3 printer and some packaging equipement. Here's an example of the sort of designs I'm talking about (copyright protected).

A woman squirts.

Why o why o why o why do we not have more women firemen? If I was going to phone the fire brigade, it would be nice to think that perhaps there was a small chance that they would send a fire tender full of lovely young ladies, perhaps in tight red t-shirts, would be coming to save my front porch from being badly burnt.

This country is not once it once thus was.

*I've been asked to point out that I am no longer permitted to contact the local fire chief via post due to the previous volume of my correspondence (allegedly constituting harassment).

I thought it was a good idea.

Well that wasn't very impressive.

Why is it that whenever men drink alcohol they promise to cut the lawn the following weekend, and then spew up in the toilet before leaving the house to find a kebab house, even though you live in a small village that doesn't even have a chip shop?

And then don't cut (or mow) the lawn the following weekend (because they are having an operation or something stupid like that?)

*still image from future projected animation short for children's TV (Channel 5?)

I've been experimenting with drawing shapes to help me make faces. This is my first attempt, which I'm thinking of offering as a fully fledged commercial service as soon as I've done at least another two! I started off with the nose shape, but of course it didn't start out as a nose at all, oh no it didn't.

Thinking the colour scheme would look very good as a series of childrens books? What do you think? Would you buy your children a book that looked like this, perhaps it would have some words in it as well. In a nice plain bold typeface like this?

I should think of a story for this childrens book. It could be the next Harry Potter or something like that.

What a shower.

What a sight to behold. lumps of space rock called meteors shooting across the sky last night. (If you're reading this on the 14th of August I'll be referring to Thursday the twelfthfth.) It was that or wounded, burning from gunshot wounds, grouse flying south for safety from trigger happy middle class ninnies wanting to make whiskey from their feathers or some such like.
I gazed up in amazement as the things (probably meteors) whizzed, I say, whizzed across the sky. This made me think. Would any of them enter the earth's atmosphere & come thundering to earth to cause destruction, annial...annhiale...annilatio.....time to reverse & aliens to invade our annihilated...(no red underscore? Hah! I did it.) world. Then, I thought, 'stop thinking like a corey, Mahoney & go to bed. It's late',. So I did.
The End.
I gone & done a picture to very nearly illustrate what I am on about.

A Friday the 13th Caricature.

This is a cartoon portrait of my next door neighbour. I can't tell you her name, as she wishes to remain anonymous, but agreed to me posting her caricature on the internet. She has been having trouble with her neck for several years now. Various doctors and other patients in various waiting rooms have not been able to diagnose her condition. All she knows is that she gets terrible pains in her neck, especially after line dancing.

To be honest, I think she's quite depressed about it now. It's been going on for so many years. The doctors don't want to know. Even other patients have stopped listening. I thought long and hard about how I could help cheer her up a bit. I could have trimmed her front hedge for her, but I didn't have time for this, as I needed to take a faulty tin opener back to Argos that day. So after a long hard think taking several hours, I decided that I could make her smile with my cartooning skills.

She's often said about how she wishes she just didn't have a neck any more, so I came up with this hilarious caricature of her (wearing the polo neck her nan knitted for her last year before she died. In fact THE last thing her nan ever knitted. Some have suggested she was catching a bus to the wool shop when the accident occurred, but that could just be an urban legend!)

Drawing done entirely on the computer. Black HP mouse, 19" monitor, but made to look like pencil crayon hand shaded.

* Her front hedge is still a state, but at least now she's smiling!

Another terrible mistake.

Yesterday I made a brief post seeking forgiveness for a mistake that somebody here at Leonard Gubbins inc International ltd made when posting an advertisement for WILL WRITING SERVICES (from only £20) I inadvertently made a mistake and stated that the person responsible for this mistake had been executed.

This of course was a mistake, and it was suppose to have read the person had been excluded!

Sorry once again for this error.

Hilarious Speed Camera Cartoon.

I had the idea for this cartoon while I was sitting in my dining room this morning, eating some toast. I was looking at the BBC news website and I was reading a story about how they have removed all the speed cameras in Oxfordshire, allowing everyone to drive at whatever speed they now choose to! Now the police are complaining that people are driving too fast! Of course people are going to drive too fast. That's why they buy cars that go fast, over something like a bicycle, which doesn't go very fast.

I showed this cartoon to my children, and they thought it was very funny and that I should send it to the BBC, they might show it on the BBC breakfast news programme or something. I emailed it this morning, but I'm still waiting to hear when I'll be invited onto the famous sofa to discuss my latest mastertory piece.

Spelling Mistake.

I have to apologise for something posted on this website yesterday. Our usual high quality control standards failed us yesterday, and the advert for Will Writing Services contained a terrible error.

The error has now being corrected.

Please note that this has no baring on the proof reading services provided by employees of this website. The person responsible for this mistake has been executed.

I am astonished that no body noticed this mistake.

Giving the client what they want.

I have often been asked how I negotiate with clients when I'm selling my services of providing cartoons to clients, and I know that this process is very interesting to many of you reading this website.

Here's a recent example of an email discussion I had with a very difficult client (names changed to protect the innocent)

Client:

Dear Susan Ledrow,

I am the managing director of an ice cream administration company, and I would like a new logo for my company vehicle. I'd like something that looks friendly, and attractive to my clientele who are usually of a young age.

Are you able to provide graphics for a vehicle? Please let me know the cost, before I decide to go ahead with this project. I have a very limited budget.

Mr W. Hippie.

Now this was an interesting project, but after doing some research on the various print on demand website sites I was obliged to reply thus such:

Dear Mrs Thurrock,

Thank you very much for your interesting email about me desiging some cartoons for your ice cream van. While I would be delighted to provide you with the service that you have requested, I am not sure how to get the cartoon designs printed directly onto your vehicle. While I now have a colour printer, sadly it is only an A4 model, and will not accomodate a vehicle of your size.

If you'd still like me to provide the designs, maybe you could find a van printer yourself? Please let me know if you'd like me to work on some rough ideas for your vehicle. Have you got a website? I could easily design something for that.

Miss Clair Moumatch.

I forgot to mention how much I was going to charge, and thought nothing more of it. Probably wouldn't hear from this client again, but 3 weeks later:

Dear Leo Gussett,

Thank you for your reply to my email. I only require the design to be produced by you. I already have a printer that will reproduce the design for me on vynal sheets which can easily be affixed to my vehicle.

If you can produce some rough designs for me, and let me know how much you would charge me, I would be most greatful. If this is not possible, then I shall just use the design I used last time, before the respray.

Sincerly,

Mrs Chris Ledyard.

I was relieved that the client had his own printing company to repro (reproduce) the design and set to work straight away on some rough ideas for the design:

Dear mr Biles,

Here is a rough ideas for the logo for your ice cream van vehicle. I forgot to mention there's no charge for rough ideas, and if you like the design, my charge will be just £20 (design will be emailled to you free of charge), or if you want it printed and posted to you I will have to charge postage and packaging charge of £2.88 + £20 design fee. This is a license to use the artwork outright with no further charges.

Please let me know how you would like to proceed.

Leonard Gubbins.

Unfortunately that was the last I heard from this client. I'd done some speclative work, in the hope of making some money with this client, but they never got back to me. Frustrating, yes, but as most professional cartoonists and illustrators will tell you, it's all part of the course. Hopefully one day I'll be able to use these designs for another client that approaches me for some work.

UPDATE: A few days later I successfully sold a missing cat poster to Mrs Stocker down the road. The cat was never found.

Wonderful gifts.

Well it's that time of year again, when many people know someone who's going to have a birthday or maybe a divorce or something to celebrate, and nothing says a celebration better than a wonderful personalised gift.

These days there are many kinds of personalised gifts one can buy for money for a loved one, or special friend, or even a member of your own family relation. You could buy them a shopping bag, or a toaster with their name printed on it, but would that really make them happy, and make them get you an even more expensive gift when it's your turn to have something bought for your for your birthday or celebration?

Probably not. The thing is when buying personalised gifts for people that might buy you a more expensive gift in return, or even for your Birthday, is that the personalised gift must look tasteful and expensive, even if it was actually quite cheap.

Personalised cartoons can make wonderful gifts that people will treasure for years to come, probably display on their walls or office walls if they are the sort of person that works in an office, or maybe their bathroom wall if they are unemployed lay-a-bouts (you may not want to buy anything for an unemployed lay-a-bout as it's highly unlikely they will ever buy you a gift in return and that would be a waste of money! No one likes out of date Hula-Hoops bought from the pound shop).

Finding a cartoonist to make you a personalised cartoon gift used to be quite difficult, but since the invention of the internet it's now easier than ever. All you have to do is open Google, or some such like search engine and search for "Leonard Gubbins Cartoonist" or a (very) similar phrase and you will find a cartoonist that will create something very special for as little as £20.

Try it. You may be pleasently surprised when you get something worth having back from the person that you bought the personalised cartoon back.

Album Cover Design.

I've been asked to design an album cover for a band called SKID MARKS. So I got straight to work on this interesting commission. After many hours of thinking what this band would like to portray in their album cover, was it romance? Perhaps it was shock value they were looking for.

After recieving the email requestition for this important piece of work, I had to pop out to Focus Do It All for around 3 days, so I couldn't get working on this important and impressive commission for a few hours as yet thus though. But that did give me time to think of some concept for this important peice of work. What would they want on their album cover, and would I agree with them. Time was running out. The pressure and the stress of being a top illustrator to bands from Estonia or somewhere like that.

While I was thinking I was also looking at the rabbit hutches in the attached garden centre of Focus Do It All. They had some nice ones, but they were all a little too pricey to be honest. Besides, I don't have a rabbit - so would have probably been a waste of money.

I thought maybe they would like an album cover of some skid marks from a car - but that was unlikely, as I can't really draw very good car tyres (or tires if you live in America).

Here is the first draft I sent the band for approval. They have yet to get back to me, but I suppose they have a very slow internet out there in Espania or where-ever it was they are coming from? It's the most exciting 8 weeks waiting I've ever spent!

FOOTNOTE: I have since found out that there is many bands called Skid Marks. Here is one of them

But I digress.

Over at the cartoonist forum they have a contest every week that sets a caption and all the cartoonists (the ones that charge way more than £20 per cartoon, btw) and they all post a cartoon and then they vote for the one that they like the best.

I tried to do something similar on here once, but only 1 person replied and it didn't really work out as I hoped it would. That's the trouble with original ideas that I have. Someone else has always done it better and bigger than me. The cartoonist cartel over at the cartoonist forum don't take favourably to unique talent such as mine. They call it horrible things, like "it's rubbish", or that I have no "talent". Clearly they feel threatened, otherwise they wouldn't have any need to write such hurtful things. They can see my uniqueness could ruin their business.

And it's that which inspires me to continue with my one woman campaign against anything that isn't talented and free. and unique. Google is my friend. Google loves me and my many links.

This week I've drawn a cartoon based on the idea over at the cartoonist forum, but with a twist. Not for me, something "oh so clever" and smart. Oh no. I've gone for something crude and uniuqe. I was told it was too late to enter the contest, but I know the real reason is that it's simply so good, it puts all their efforts to shame.

So here is my hand shaded goodness for your enjoyment:

but I digress.