I'm still writing articles for the parish news.

I have often being asked why I am so successful with the local parish newsletter, writing very popular articles for it, which increases sales within the local parish. I first approached the editor of the parish magazine back in 2006, when I met him at my nieces christening. I told him that I was a very successful writer (I wasn't (not at that stage anyway)), and he invited me to submit something to him by post, or (surprisingly) via email.


I wrote a lovely piece about the story of badgers in the local woods at Christmas time, and what sort of things they might buy each other from the local corner shop from Mr Squirrel, the local shop keeper. The tale of Consumerism at Christmas Time In Badger Wood became an instant hit with the readership, and Jim assured me that he thought it was my article which created a surge in circulation that year, selling an estimated extra 15 copies that Christmas!


This was before I became a cartoonist, so sadly there's no cartoons to go with this, but I thought it might be fun to revisit Badger Wood. Sadly, I can't draw badgers very well, so I decided to change the story to Worm Wood. It'll never been seen in the parish magazine, but here's it is for your pleasure.


Enjoy......

William is going to Marry Katie

As reported in the recent press, Prince William the second is going to marry his girlfriend Katie Middletown. I think that's a lovely story. I know that the news is quite old now, and I would have drawn a lovely tribute cartoon much sooner, but I have been very busy lately with getting my iPod connected to my car stereo and sorting out a incident with a missing wheelie bin. But enough of my troubles (Roger Whittaker isn't that important). I would like to think that someone in the Royal Family will see this lovely cartoon for the tribute it indeed no doubt is, and who knows, it might even be spray painted onto the cake! That would make a lovely surprise for the Middletowns, and I've sure make a lovely day of celebration, even more lovely than it already is.


Has anyone seen what the Frankling Mint will be producing for this lovely occassion? I will be buying all the red top sunday papers to see what lovely offers are on to celebrate this lovely occassion of the celebreation of the lovely marage of the lovely day.


When is it going to be?

Choosing toys for Christmas.

This time of year many people with Children, or those that know people with Children, such as Grandparents are thinking of buying toys for children, but where to start? There's so many toys available these days for children that it can be difficult to choose something that's appropriate. If you go to a large toy department shop there are millions of toys to choose from. Where to start?


A good way to choose toys for children to give them at this time of year for Christmas is to watch what your child already plays with, and just as importantly what they don't play with. If little Jimmy never touches that 500 piece jigsaw of Whitley Bay, then it's probably not a good idea to buy little Jimmy another 500 piece jigsaw of Whitley Bay. He won't appreciate it at all! But what if he enjoys playing with his Power Rangers figures or his older brothers Roller Skates? Then, a good starting point would be some Power Rangers on roller skates perhaps?

Whatever you do, ensure that the toy gift you buy the child (or children) this year is suitable for their age. A petrol Chainsaw is not a suitable gift for an 8 year old under any circumstances, even if they do have ambitions to be a lumberjack later in life!

A great way to crate cartoons from photographs tutorial.

Here's a great tip to turn any photograph into a convincing and hilarious cartoon. Take a photo like this one of a boy holding a fish. Just an ordinary photo right? Wrong! It's also a cartoon!


Open the photo in photoshop or other such like photo manipulation program such as Windows Paint program.

Then you aplly one of the filters to it such as I thus did here (the fresco filter) - and hay presto you have a wonderful cartoon like image which is probably better than something a cartoonist could draw anyway.

I want to tattoo your arm!

I've had this great idea that I've seen on some other websites. Having drawn lots of really popular cartoons, that people just simply adore, someone that is a very good online friend has suggested that she'd quite like to see my cartoon policeman tattooed onto her arm or buttock. Now I'm not really used to tattooing people's skin. I'm more familiar with tattooing pieces of paper with a gel pen, but being the professional that I have decided to be, I have agreed to do this on her kitchen table next week!

Of course in line with my current fees having to be increased because of the imminent VAT increase, I now find myself having to charge £30 per cartoon, but the good news for my very good online friend is that the image on her arm will belong to her exclusively (so if she wants to have someone take a photo of her, with her arm attached) then I will not be charging a further license fee, unlike some other rip of cartoonists that, while making lots of money and driving flash cars like 59 plate Nissan Notes, will exploit their customers. The arm image will belong to her, as sure as any infection will also be entirely her responsibility.


It seems her father was once a policeman, until he was pushed out of the force for an unfortunate incident with a potato peeler and a repeat offender in the late 1980's, and as a tribute to her dad, she'd like a tattoo with the image below. I think that's a lovely thing for a daughter to do for her father. Heavily tattooed daughters, always love their daddies. That is clear.


Now to hit Google, or TalentWriter Community Website for articles on how to tattoo an arm or bottom with a fatherly tribute.

Council housed Timeshare

I have noticed in the recent news lately that the new Government plans to prevent people who don't have a lot of money living in Council Houses for too long after they move in. I think this is an excellent idea. A bit like timeshare for homeless people. Why should they get a home for life and security of tenure for life when other people with more money don't have the same security with their own homes?

As you will have noticed, and I make no apologies for this, I am getting more political with my cartoons. I hope one day to become a political cartoonist. Perhaps I could be a political cartoonist for a decent newspaper, like The Daily Mail, or the Daily Telegraph, or if they won't have me - perhaps a working class newspaper like the Times of London (times cartoons anyone?).

I have been very busy just lately and haven't been able to update this website for the same length of time that I have been busy doing other things. I don't often get the time I need to drawer cartoons, as I have to provide house keeping services to my large family of cats, and time permitting, the children. This week I had to take my cat to the vets for some injections. I was staggered by the cost of these injections. How can a tiny amount of liquid cost £49.58, I don't know. It doesn't even seem to improve the cat in anyway. But this did make me think of this hilarious cartoon, which I was able to drawer this morning as I had a few hours spare to myself this morning, inbetween doing all the laundry and scraping plates from last nights take-away dinner (too busy to cook).

Back to the cartoon. Can you imagine if these expensive injections actually did something strange to your cat, like make it grow into a super cat? (btw, don't think just because they sell food that claims such claims that it works, it doesn't. They can't fly after eating it! I should know!) I think the vet must have thought I was very strange as I let out a little giggle when I thought of this hilarious cartoon idea while the nurse was being scratched about the face by Mr Tiddleworth.

So it just goes to show that even something as expensive and mudane as a trip to the vets with a cat (or possibly even a dog) can lead to a brilliant and hilarious cartoon idea. One which hopefully will make me enough money to pay the vets bills in the future. I have sent this off to Cat World. Their office girl said that they don't take cartoons, but I've sent it anyway, as I think this is just the sort of thing to change the editors mind. Later today, when I go to the local spar, I might even buy a copy, so I can get a feel of what that magazine is all about.

Wish me luck.

Leonard x

How to drawer a cartoon filing cabinet. Part 1.

As promised, here is the lesson on how to draw a cartoon filing cabinet. Thanks to Pin Ups Office supplys (Dunstable) for the loan of the filing cabinet and preferential rates on post it notes.

Hilarious Computer Joke.

This is a recent joke cartoon that I did for a client to see that I could provide some jokey type cartoons for his Ye Olde Computer Shoppe business in the local high street. He wanted something that he could send out to all his customers via email or facebook (he's yet to decide). After he had given me his briefs, I set to work thinking of all the amusing things about computers that I could put into a jokey type cartoon for his computer business as previously discussed.


I did this on my computer with my Wancom Bamboo tablet. IT's a very expensive piece of professional equipment that only professional cartoonists are allowed to buy, but if you can afford one then I think you should. I have drawn this cartoon in just 7 hours, from the client brief to the finished article (no, not this article, I did it last week). I did this cartoon in the style of Bill Tidy or Larry. Check out the filing cabinet!


Next time: How to drawer cartoon filing cabinets.

Caption Competition.

I must apoloigise to all the people that look forward to my regular updates on the world of cartooning and Search Engine Optomisation. I have been very busy this past week with my hedge and lawn. Preparing it for the winter months. I think the netting looks nice.



I have decided that it's time that we held a caption competition here on Talent Free. I know that lots of you who can't draw really funny cartoons like me, and Cathy , but you can come up with lots of splendid captions (judging by all the 'captions' I've been recieving in my email just lately!!!) So the task this week is to come up with a caption for the above cartoon that I have drawn. There will be a prize for the winner of the contest (Gel pens possibly, but not the matallic set - I'm saving them to drawer some special christmas cards for friends and relatives over the festive season).

Please leave a comment if you can think of an hilarious caption that matches the hilarity of the original cartoon. The object in the middle IS a free standing swimming pool (incase you was wondering, or have never seen a swimming pool before!)

Gel Pen Manufacturers Blog

I've found this very interesting website all about Gel Pens. The Gel Pen's Manufacturers Blog. A very interesting blog about Gel pens, and how they were invented. Anyone can now use gel pens.

Gel pens tend to produce a bolder line and smudge less than other types of pen. The ink can also be produced in a much wider range of colors and this can include fluorescent, metallic and glittery effects which can work well on darker paper. The size of the nib on a gel pen can vary from around 0.18mm to 1.5mm and the advantages that they provide make them popular with a range of professions. This can include teachers, with the bold lines and vibrant color showing up well when marking papers and also graphic artists with the range of colors suiting them well. However they can be used by anyone and as well as being simply for writing they are also popular for art, with the colors and effects in which they can be produced making them ideal for this.

I think this is true, that anyone can now use Gel pens. You don't need to be a proffessional to use them anymore since they were invented in the 1880's. I imagine back then they were very expensive and people without any money couldn't buy them. As you know I'm a big fan of the GEL PEN. I find that somehow my cartoons are more funnier when they are drawn by GEL PENS. And having them available in so many bright and vivid colours is just an added bonus for me, you, teachers, and professional graphic designers the world over.


All hail the GEL PEN! 


Here's a caricature of my son, which looks nothing like him:

I've won the lottery.

Wonderful news has just broke. Someone in the UK has won the Euromillion lottery. I haven't won this lottery, but I have won the lottery of life. However if I did win the lottery and had lots of money all of a sudden I would probably give up cartooning for a while. After all, I'm only in this game to get rich.

But if I had won the lottery, after I'd paid off all my debts to Bright-Home, The Kays Catalogue, Primark store card, and YES car credit - I would probably give the rest of the money away! Always I have been known for my generous and modest nature. All those times I've told big Dave in the chippy to "keep the penny, put it in the jar for the spastics", and other such random acts of kindness that I would never publicise myself, out of an extreme sense of modesty. I'd probably give so much away to Save The Mongolian House Butterfly and the Conservative Benevolent Fund, that there'd be none left for myself! LOL

But with the money left, I would definitely buy a Rolls Royce Album, or possibly a CD. And then give it to a children's charity for new hearing aids or something like that. I don't know what they'd use the money for. Perhaps some new balls for their ball pool? I don't know. I've never visited a children's charity.

How to pass your driving test.

Passing your driving test is very important if you are wanting to drive to the local post office, or perhaps further a field (although if you wish to drive over fields you might want to consider buying a 4x4). What ever you are driving to the shops for (gel pens or stamps) you must have a driving license which you can get from passing a driving test.


Some people find it helpful to have something that's called "Driving Lessons" before they have a "Driving Test". You can get these lessons from a "Driving Instructer" who you will find driving around in a Vauxhall Corsa in your home town. Flag one down today and ask him how much he charges for a lesson. It's important to do this with quite a few "driving instructers" as they all charge different prices.


Once you have found a Driving Instructer that you like the charge he'll make of you, then you can book some lessons until you feel ready for a driving test.


Driving tests are conducted at a "Driving Test Centre" although you will be expected to drive away from the centre at some point, and maybe around your local town a little bit. You may also be required to take a theory test if you were born after 1996. Once you have passed your test - you can now drive to the local post office or Spar*

*You may require a car to drive to the local Post Office or Spar.

The meaning of life, and the naked washing up club.

I have often been asked what the point of it all is. Now I am no minstrel or smartie, but I do know that it's often the right course of action to do something different from time to time to challenge the spirit of the human being into doing something different.


I am of course talking about washing up in the nip. Why would anyone want to do this? Well, if you have a dishwasher they'd be little point - but we are not all middle class. Some of us don't even have a people carrier. Washing up with clothes on can be hazardous, especially when you are on your way out for an evenings entertainment at the local arts centre. Washing up in the nip can make things much better. It's a wonderful experience for everyone who isn't within sight of your scrubbing sponge.


Then there's having a dog. It's very important when you have a dog to walk it regularly. At least 5 times per day (depending on the size of it's legs). If you have a very small dog with short legs, then it might be better to walk it just once per day. Dogs cannot walk without you helping them, as they don't understand the concept of the green cross man, or how fast a Saab 900 Turbo is travelling through your estate (see, not middle class).


Well I hope that's helped many of you with the eternal struggle with the meaning of life and other big important questions. As usual I'd welcome any comments.

I'm going to draw Penelope Cruze.

I've decided that it might be quite good fun to draw somthing cartoonists call a caricature. That is a picture (or drawing) of someone done in a cartooney style, but instead of just looking like a cartoon drawing that I've copied from another cartoonist (so many cartoons are all the same these days. Drawn with lines. Lettering for the caption etc) this one will look like I had the celebrity right there in front of my drawing pad when I did this.

My plan to do this drawing and make it look like the celebrity that I want it to look like is to draw the picture while quickly looking at my pad and then quickly looking at a photo of the celebrity back and forth as I go. I'm going to draw the celebrity just like they appear in the photo, and then exaggerate their features to add some fun and uniqueness to the drawing. If I didn't do this, then it would just be a drawing of the celebrity.

Remember I am not an artist, and I'm also a single mum.

I'm hoping Penelope Cruze will give me at least £20 for this drawing caricature of herself image.

Here we go.....

I think that worked out quite well. I'm sending it to Penelope Cruze today, but I have to send it by email, as I don't have a colour printer. If she wants it for her art collection, she'll just have to print it out herself.

Salting Potato's.

I've been very busy these last few days with yet another fantastic commission that I can't tell you about for confidentiality reasons, and to be honest, the Girls Guides leader is quite intimidating.

Here's a cartoon I did to demonstrate how to subtlety do some hand shading that will impress your clients and customers. Look how the breast seem to be almost 3D. That can make the difference between a great cartoon and a very bad cartoon. 3D breasts.

This cartoon was  a rough draft for a customer that wanted some cartoons for his restaurant. Once I'd sent him the rough drafts, I never heard from him again. I expect his business was burnt to the ground by Animal Rights Activists or something. Pity. I'd drawn over 15 drawings like this. That's the trouble with being a cartoonist. You can spend 3 weeks working on something that comes nothing.

A Wheelie good joke.

We seem to be restricted by more and more and more rules these days. From rules of written language that restricts those that couldn't go to school from self expressing themselves, to the rules about which side of the road you should drive on, even during the lord mayors parade road redirections. Wheelie bins are a wheelie good idea, but local councils limit what you can put into them. Surely they can't object to people putting wheels into a wheelie bin can they?

A very funny wheelie bin cartoon. The local councils restrict what can be put into peoples

bins these days, but surely they can't object to wheels being put into a wheelie bin?



Artwork & Joke © Leonard Gubbins 2010

Drawing small cartoons is no fun at all.

I've decided that it was time that I decided to launch a highly successful strip cartoon series that will get published in many newspapers all over the world. I expect it will pay very well. At least £20 per day, per newspaper. Which could soon add up to a great deal of money.

The problem I have with drawing a newspaper strip every day for vast amounts of money, is that the size of the strips in newspapers, means it's quite difficult to draw at such a small size for newspapers comic strips.

It's not the humour or the drawing skills that is the problem. Just drawing something very small, with a very big brush pen. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was some sort of conspiracy to prevent people with large brush pens from selling cartoon comic strips for newspapers, and denying them a vast income of many £20 notes from each newspaper that would take the comic strip, if only they were drawn at a bigger size.

It's quite clearly madness. But I shall continue to spend most of my time drawing at least 4,000 strips, and then I'll send them out to see what the market thinks.

Talent Free Photography Club.

I have been interesting in Photography for some time now. Having a digital camera makes it very easy to take stunning photographs like this one that I took of a swan recently when I was on holiday.

The setting I used for taking this photograph was AUTO. As you can see the swan was swimming a little too fast for my camera arm,and I just managed to avoid it's bill.

Luckily for me, as I'd spent most of my holiday money at this point. If you'd like to take a photo of this swan then I suggest you hang around the Norfolk Broads.

Making smooth images for the internet age.

I have been struggling for some time with getting the images I create to look just right on my website, or blog. No matter how low I make the resolution, or how many filters I apply, the images often look very poor quality.

I have decided that this must be because everyone else makes their jpeg images with Vector Graphics or something very technicological like that. Not knowing anything about vector graphics, I have decided to produce all my work in vector images from now on. Fortunately I don't have any commissions at the moment (that was lucky!) so I'll have time to play around with the various settings and get this right, and then advise others on how to be an expert with vector graphics.

Keep watching this space. I'm downloading http://inkscape.org/ now and hope to learn how to use this very soon. Smooth graphics are on the way soon!

How to draw anything in 1 step.

Whilst browsing the internet the other day I found this excellent article which describes how to draw anything at all, even things that you can't draw.

I thought I'd post this here, saving me the time of writing a proper post.

Enjoy, and let me know if it works for you.

http://aviary.com/blog/posts/how-to-draw-anything-in-1-step

How to tell if your girlfriend has got a lot of baggage (1)

All we men of the world have dated someone with a lot of baggage. When I say ‘we’, the more observant among you will notice that I’m not a man at all, let alone a man of the world, but that doesn’t stop me from making pronouncements on our behalf.

Firstly, all this baggage may be no bad thing. If you are someone whose marbles keep spilling all over the floor, or you’re scared that your nuts might drop and there’s nowhere for them to go to – you may find your girl’s got so many containers and receptacles that she won’t notice if you nick the odd Samsonite three case trolley set from her extensive collection.

So, what are the tell-tale signs?

Many women carry a handbag. This is a bit weird to we men who prefer to keep our little sausages nice and warm in our pockets, and it’s something to be aware of before you even start. She may even have a purse. Maybe she carries her laptop in a case.

A more extreme example may have a lot of scruffy old carrier bags full of what seems to be rubbish. If questioned, she will tell you that Prince Charles keeps trying to steal her belongings, especially the Rolls Royce, and so she needs to keep it with her at all times. This is not a woman you should be thinking of dating long term, especially if she doesn’t appear to have washed or changed her clothes for three years and hasn’t got any teeth. Though she may be interesting company if you fancy sharing the odd bottle of cider or methylated spirits on a park bench.

There is another type of woman, though, the extent of whose baggage will only become apparent on closer acquaintance. If you open the third drawer along in her kitchen, you will find it’s full of carrier bags. The more blatant women will even have them openly on display in an even larger carrier bag, probably one purporting to be from a prestigious establishment like Tesco’s. This is designed to impress you, and you must resist as firmly as you can. She will pretend to be disorganised just get even more bags from the local supermarket, with the lame duck excuse that she’s forgotten to bring her shopping trolley.

I now need to practise my droring style to fit in with these Talent Free cartoons so you have a diagram of what a woman with a lot of baggage might look like. This isn’t going to be easy. Here goes.

Try not to start a meaningful relationship with someone who looks like a one-lady-bottle-bank:

Test how humorous you are with a number score!

Have you ever wonderered how funny you are? Well this interesting website may be able to help you decide. It's a wonderful site that displays a cartoon, and then it's members decide on a funny caption for it and then vote. Looks very interesting. It's quite a new site at the moment, but I think it could be something really big very soon (within a year or even less!).

It's a marvelous way to use cartoons for the normal people out there to vote on their favourite caption, and it's also very good 'creative exercise' as they say on the site. I'm thinking of sending them some of my own cartoons, and see what they can make caption wise of them!

Doing business on the internet.

If only I'd discovered the wonders of gel pens when I was younger. Perhaps I'd have chosen to be a cartoonist much earlier in life when I was younger? As it was I didn't decide to be a cartoonist until February this year. At first I thought it might be difficult, but then I joined a cartoonist forum and after giving some advice to the other cartoonists on there, I decided to give up my job at the drop in centre and devote my life to making wonderful cartoons and making people smile, with my dynamic and unique cartoons, always remembering that those that criticise are just jealous of my natural abilities to make people laugh. Everyone who has seen one of my cartoons has laughed at me - and there's no better endorsement of brilliant talent then that!  


Here's a quick look back at some of those cartoons.

A Day in a cartoonist's Hard Days Night.

I never knew Elenor Rigby, but I bet if I did she wouldn't have stolen that moped, or robbed the Londis Store, before blowing her mind out in a bar.

When a cartoonist, like what I am, is given a commission for drawing something for a client, I often have to go through a certain routine, that quite often involves checking my gel pens are all present and correct. There's nothing worst than starting a project only to fine the Silver Magic gel pen is missing, and you need to draw a cod piece to make the whole thing work in humour terms of endearment, and what have you.

I often get my best ideas when sitting on the toilet (number 1 or two - there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it), or sometimes when making toast for my busy family. It may take me days, or several days, up to a week, or even sometimes several months to get an idea, but when I do there's no stopping me. The PVR is set to record ANYTHING, with Tim Walcott in it and I'm away in the spare bedroom - moving all the dress making equipement out of the way until I finish this cartoon. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to drawing, and I will often randomly rip up my creations until the voice in my head tells me that enough gel pen ink has been used on this project, and if the client doesn't like it - they must have a infected face or somethink.

Here's one I did for the BBC recently.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/

Cartoons for your Goldfish.

I've had a brilliant idea today that I'm going to have to copyright protect from being stolen. I have written down this idea and posted it to myself within a special gauranteed envelope, therefor copyrighting it for the future so I can protect this idea from being stolen by one of the Den Dragons or Richard Branston (who actually stole the idea for Branston Pickle!).

My idea safely protected I can now reveal it to the millions of people who could find this website if they only used Google properly. It is a well known fact that Goldfish like to have pictures behind their aquariums, and this is usually just some pretty coloured prints of plants and shipwrecks and stuff like that. I thought there's a gap in the market here for an idea that would replace the boring static pictures of underwater scenes, with a collection of cartoons (fish based or not?) This would provide continued interest for any visitors you had at your home, as they would see something different each time they looked at the aquarium.

I'm seeking £3,000 for 5% of the Fishy Backgrounds Limited. For this I will buy an A3 printer and some packaging equipement. Here's an example of the sort of designs I'm talking about (copyright protected).

A woman squirts.

Why o why o why o why do we not have more women firemen? If I was going to phone the fire brigade, it would be nice to think that perhaps there was a small chance that they would send a fire tender full of lovely young ladies, perhaps in tight red t-shirts, would be coming to save my front porch from being badly burnt.

This country is not once it once thus was.

*I've been asked to point out that I am no longer permitted to contact the local fire chief via post due to the previous volume of my correspondence (allegedly constituting harassment).

I thought it was a good idea.

Well that wasn't very impressive.

Why is it that whenever men drink alcohol they promise to cut the lawn the following weekend, and then spew up in the toilet before leaving the house to find a kebab house, even though you live in a small village that doesn't even have a chip shop?

And then don't cut (or mow) the lawn the following weekend (because they are having an operation or something stupid like that?)

*still image from future projected animation short for children's TV (Channel 5?)

I've been experimenting with drawing shapes to help me make faces. This is my first attempt, which I'm thinking of offering as a fully fledged commercial service as soon as I've done at least another two! I started off with the nose shape, but of course it didn't start out as a nose at all, oh no it didn't.

Thinking the colour scheme would look very good as a series of childrens books? What do you think? Would you buy your children a book that looked like this, perhaps it would have some words in it as well. In a nice plain bold typeface like this?

I should think of a story for this childrens book. It could be the next Harry Potter or something like that.

What a shower.

What a sight to behold. lumps of space rock called meteors shooting across the sky last night. (If you're reading this on the 14th of August I'll be referring to Thursday the twelfthfth.) It was that or wounded, burning from gunshot wounds, grouse flying south for safety from trigger happy middle class ninnies wanting to make whiskey from their feathers or some such like.
I gazed up in amazement as the things (probably meteors) whizzed, I say, whizzed across the sky. This made me think. Would any of them enter the earth's atmosphere & come thundering to earth to cause destruction, annial...annhiale...annilatio.....time to reverse & aliens to invade our annihilated...(no red underscore? Hah! I did it.) world. Then, I thought, 'stop thinking like a corey, Mahoney & go to bed. It's late',. So I did.
The End.
I gone & done a picture to very nearly illustrate what I am on about.

A Friday the 13th Caricature.

This is a cartoon portrait of my next door neighbour. I can't tell you her name, as she wishes to remain anonymous, but agreed to me posting her caricature on the internet. She has been having trouble with her neck for several years now. Various doctors and other patients in various waiting rooms have not been able to diagnose her condition. All she knows is that she gets terrible pains in her neck, especially after line dancing.

To be honest, I think she's quite depressed about it now. It's been going on for so many years. The doctors don't want to know. Even other patients have stopped listening. I thought long and hard about how I could help cheer her up a bit. I could have trimmed her front hedge for her, but I didn't have time for this, as I needed to take a faulty tin opener back to Argos that day. So after a long hard think taking several hours, I decided that I could make her smile with my cartooning skills.

She's often said about how she wishes she just didn't have a neck any more, so I came up with this hilarious caricature of her (wearing the polo neck her nan knitted for her last year before she died. In fact THE last thing her nan ever knitted. Some have suggested she was catching a bus to the wool shop when the accident occurred, but that could just be an urban legend!)

Drawing done entirely on the computer. Black HP mouse, 19" monitor, but made to look like pencil crayon hand shaded.

* Her front hedge is still a state, but at least now she's smiling!

Another terrible mistake.

Yesterday I made a brief post seeking forgiveness for a mistake that somebody here at Leonard Gubbins inc International ltd made when posting an advertisement for WILL WRITING SERVICES (from only £20) I inadvertently made a mistake and stated that the person responsible for this mistake had been executed.

This of course was a mistake, and it was suppose to have read the person had been excluded!

Sorry once again for this error.

Hilarious Speed Camera Cartoon.

I had the idea for this cartoon while I was sitting in my dining room this morning, eating some toast. I was looking at the BBC news website and I was reading a story about how they have removed all the speed cameras in Oxfordshire, allowing everyone to drive at whatever speed they now choose to! Now the police are complaining that people are driving too fast! Of course people are going to drive too fast. That's why they buy cars that go fast, over something like a bicycle, which doesn't go very fast.

I showed this cartoon to my children, and they thought it was very funny and that I should send it to the BBC, they might show it on the BBC breakfast news programme or something. I emailed it this morning, but I'm still waiting to hear when I'll be invited onto the famous sofa to discuss my latest mastertory piece.

Spelling Mistake.

I have to apologise for something posted on this website yesterday. Our usual high quality control standards failed us yesterday, and the advert for Will Writing Services contained a terrible error.

The error has now being corrected.

Please note that this has no baring on the proof reading services provided by employees of this website. The person responsible for this mistake has been executed.

I am astonished that no body noticed this mistake.

Giving the client what they want.

I have often been asked how I negotiate with clients when I'm selling my services of providing cartoons to clients, and I know that this process is very interesting to many of you reading this website.

Here's a recent example of an email discussion I had with a very difficult client (names changed to protect the innocent)

Client:

Dear Susan Ledrow,

I am the managing director of an ice cream administration company, and I would like a new logo for my company vehicle. I'd like something that looks friendly, and attractive to my clientele who are usually of a young age.

Are you able to provide graphics for a vehicle? Please let me know the cost, before I decide to go ahead with this project. I have a very limited budget.

Mr W. Hippie.

Now this was an interesting project, but after doing some research on the various print on demand website sites I was obliged to reply thus such:

Dear Mrs Thurrock,

Thank you very much for your interesting email about me desiging some cartoons for your ice cream van. While I would be delighted to provide you with the service that you have requested, I am not sure how to get the cartoon designs printed directly onto your vehicle. While I now have a colour printer, sadly it is only an A4 model, and will not accomodate a vehicle of your size.

If you'd still like me to provide the designs, maybe you could find a van printer yourself? Please let me know if you'd like me to work on some rough ideas for your vehicle. Have you got a website? I could easily design something for that.

Miss Clair Moumatch.

I forgot to mention how much I was going to charge, and thought nothing more of it. Probably wouldn't hear from this client again, but 3 weeks later:

Dear Leo Gussett,

Thank you for your reply to my email. I only require the design to be produced by you. I already have a printer that will reproduce the design for me on vynal sheets which can easily be affixed to my vehicle.

If you can produce some rough designs for me, and let me know how much you would charge me, I would be most greatful. If this is not possible, then I shall just use the design I used last time, before the respray.

Sincerly,

Mrs Chris Ledyard.

I was relieved that the client had his own printing company to repro (reproduce) the design and set to work straight away on some rough ideas for the design:

Dear mr Biles,

Here is a rough ideas for the logo for your ice cream van vehicle. I forgot to mention there's no charge for rough ideas, and if you like the design, my charge will be just £20 (design will be emailled to you free of charge), or if you want it printed and posted to you I will have to charge postage and packaging charge of £2.88 + £20 design fee. This is a license to use the artwork outright with no further charges.

Please let me know how you would like to proceed.

Leonard Gubbins.

Unfortunately that was the last I heard from this client. I'd done some speclative work, in the hope of making some money with this client, but they never got back to me. Frustrating, yes, but as most professional cartoonists and illustrators will tell you, it's all part of the course. Hopefully one day I'll be able to use these designs for another client that approaches me for some work.

UPDATE: A few days later I successfully sold a missing cat poster to Mrs Stocker down the road. The cat was never found.

Wonderful gifts.

Well it's that time of year again, when many people know someone who's going to have a birthday or maybe a divorce or something to celebrate, and nothing says a celebration better than a wonderful personalised gift.

These days there are many kinds of personalised gifts one can buy for money for a loved one, or special friend, or even a member of your own family relation. You could buy them a shopping bag, or a toaster with their name printed on it, but would that really make them happy, and make them get you an even more expensive gift when it's your turn to have something bought for your for your birthday or celebration?

Probably not. The thing is when buying personalised gifts for people that might buy you a more expensive gift in return, or even for your Birthday, is that the personalised gift must look tasteful and expensive, even if it was actually quite cheap.

Personalised cartoons can make wonderful gifts that people will treasure for years to come, probably display on their walls or office walls if they are the sort of person that works in an office, or maybe their bathroom wall if they are unemployed lay-a-bouts (you may not want to buy anything for an unemployed lay-a-bout as it's highly unlikely they will ever buy you a gift in return and that would be a waste of money! No one likes out of date Hula-Hoops bought from the pound shop).

Finding a cartoonist to make you a personalised cartoon gift used to be quite difficult, but since the invention of the internet it's now easier than ever. All you have to do is open Google, or some such like search engine and search for "Leonard Gubbins Cartoonist" or a (very) similar phrase and you will find a cartoonist that will create something very special for as little as £20.

Try it. You may be pleasently surprised when you get something worth having back from the person that you bought the personalised cartoon back.

Album Cover Design.

I've been asked to design an album cover for a band called SKID MARKS. So I got straight to work on this interesting commission. After many hours of thinking what this band would like to portray in their album cover, was it romance? Perhaps it was shock value they were looking for.

After recieving the email requestition for this important piece of work, I had to pop out to Focus Do It All for around 3 days, so I couldn't get working on this important and impressive commission for a few hours as yet thus though. But that did give me time to think of some concept for this important peice of work. What would they want on their album cover, and would I agree with them. Time was running out. The pressure and the stress of being a top illustrator to bands from Estonia or somewhere like that.

While I was thinking I was also looking at the rabbit hutches in the attached garden centre of Focus Do It All. They had some nice ones, but they were all a little too pricey to be honest. Besides, I don't have a rabbit - so would have probably been a waste of money.

I thought maybe they would like an album cover of some skid marks from a car - but that was unlikely, as I can't really draw very good car tyres (or tires if you live in America).

Here is the first draft I sent the band for approval. They have yet to get back to me, but I suppose they have a very slow internet out there in Espania or where-ever it was they are coming from? It's the most exciting 8 weeks waiting I've ever spent!

FOOTNOTE: I have since found out that there is many bands called Skid Marks. Here is one of them

But I digress.

Over at the cartoonist forum they have a contest every week that sets a caption and all the cartoonists (the ones that charge way more than £20 per cartoon, btw) and they all post a cartoon and then they vote for the one that they like the best.

I tried to do something similar on here once, but only 1 person replied and it didn't really work out as I hoped it would. That's the trouble with original ideas that I have. Someone else has always done it better and bigger than me. The cartoonist cartel over at the cartoonist forum don't take favourably to unique talent such as mine. They call it horrible things, like "it's rubbish", or that I have no "talent". Clearly they feel threatened, otherwise they wouldn't have any need to write such hurtful things. They can see my uniqueness could ruin their business.

And it's that which inspires me to continue with my one woman campaign against anything that isn't talented and free. and unique. Google is my friend. Google loves me and my many links.

This week I've drawn a cartoon based on the idea over at the cartoonist forum, but with a twist. Not for me, something "oh so clever" and smart. Oh no. I've gone for something crude and uniuqe. I was told it was too late to enter the contest, but I know the real reason is that it's simply so good, it puts all their efforts to shame.

So here is my hand shaded goodness for your enjoyment:

but I digress.

How to draw a bed sheet monster cartoon that will scare you enemies and delight your friends and local business associates.

I am often asked how I can draw a scarey cartoons bed sheet type ghost characture, and I can. For other people it might not be so easy, so I've spend many hours googling and have found this link which may be useful if you wish to draw a cartoon bed sheet type ghost thing, although I don't approved of cheating and drawing pencil lines first, it's probably an American thing anyway.

Here's the link: http://www.wtry.com/pages/missingmissy.html