Monday, 26 April 2010

Tea Towel Misery. Not my fault.

No one knows how hard it is. I sit here, in between re-runs of Cash In The Attic, and Diagnosis Murder She Wrote wondering what I can drawer the people will hand over hard cash to have printed on a tea towel. It's not as easy as I thought it was going to be all those months ago. Sourcing Tea Towels that don't have a heavy Gingham pattern is the hardest part of the whole process.

Where can I buy plain cotton tea towels without any pattern on?

Perhaps I shouldn't have taken all those orders. Perhaps those people will never order something every again from the Internet because of me. Wedding anniversary's ruined, engagement parties cancelled. And it's all because of the tea towel mafia in this country that insist on ONLY making Gingham tea towels.

Perhaps with the new Government we are about to get, things will change and we can move this economy forwards.

I'm currently processing orders for shopping bags without zips. I hope I can find some.

Friday, 23 April 2010

How to avoid being shafted.

These days it's very difficult to know who you can trust and who is likely to shaft you at the first opportunity. Take a simple action of a transaction in a shop. How do you know that the shop assistant isn't going to short change you when you are buying something with a £20 note that costs, say, £1.43?

Many shop assistants are very low paid. They often hardly get enough money to provide their 15 children with sufficient space hoppers or socks, so the incentive for them to make a little money on the side from unsuspecting customers is quite strong.

If the shop assistant gives you two crisp £5 notes as your change, then you have definitely been shafted. Yes, two £5 notes, especially new ones that are crisp is quite a good feeling, but THIS ISN'T ENOUGH! The best way to avoid this happening is:

  • Don't go shopping at all.
  • Work out what your change should be BEFORE you approach the till.
  • Only pay the exact amount of money each time.
Well I hope that has helped you to avoid being shafted in shop. Next week: How to avoid being shafted in a brothel.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

As promised. A stunning caricature of Angela Rippon as she appeared on the Eric Morcambe comedy show in the 70s. She was one sexy, news reading mamma. And do you know what? I still would.
...."Thanks, Angela. This is Paul Mahoney reporting live from Twatt."

It's a place in Scotland. Honestly, you people.

Colours of the Master Race

Now that the new improved jazzed up Daleks have been introduced, isn't it time to add a splash of colour elsewhere.

What about boring old nuns and vicars? They dress in loads of black and a hint of white. Dullsville Arizona.

I see pink and lime green dog collars. Purple and orange habits. That should update the image of the church.

And what about labradors? Brown, Chocolate and Black are so not now. What's wrong with a nice electric blue lab and matching pooper scooper? That should turn a few heads when you're out in the park.

Come on Britain! Let's take a lead from those super duper trendy Daleks. Emulate! Emulate!

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

As Leonard's had to go off and have a bath ...

I thought I'd continue his task of educating the public in use of poo; there's even an official classification chart (see below):

Leonard's skill and training in these matters should not be underestimated; it takes a great deal of practice.

Of course, much of this sort of thing has reached popular culture, such as 'What has a hazelnut in every bite?' and 'swanee river'; and one health care professional of my acquaintance has likened the Bristol Stool Form Scale to those diagrams you get in boxes of chocolates to help you identify the different centres.

These should not be confused with the stools in my garden, which incorporate ritz crackers into their seats, and will be illustrated in a future post sometime. No, the stools in this post are strictly NOT for sitting on.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

The First Day Of Summer. Part 2.

During my epic rise from part time supermarket cashier and weekend valeting operative to one of the best known cartoonist on I have often been struck by how easy it is to do just about anything you set your mind to.

Only the other day I was waiting at the bank to make a very modest deposit to my business account, when I got talking to an old acquittance I once knew of old. His name was Bill, and I hadn't seen him since he was quite a bit younger on a Employment training scheme in the late to middle 1980's. He was now working as a plumber, despite the fact that he trained as a brick layer. Apparently, as it so turns out, he found lugging bricks around all day too difficult, what with his flat feet and bad back, so he decided to paint plumber on the side of his van instead, and has been happily unblocking old women's u-bends ever since. He knows nothing about heating systems, but he's quite happy to learn that as he goes along (for the usual rate of course).

As I walked home in the beautiful spring sunshine I realised that perhaps I might of have taken a similar route through life as Bill had done, and being forced to shove my hand down lavatories for a living for ridiculous amounts of money. But I didn't. I decided to be a cartoonist!

Being a cartoonist is a great life. The gel pens, the smell of the paper first thing in a morning. The endless free time to do whatever I want to do, like watch cash in the attic, with the marvelous Angela Rippon. And knowing that whatever I do, it's good enough for me! The Boss!

This weather makes being a full time professional cartoonist even better, as I can just bugger off to the park whenever the mood takes me. It's like winning the lottery, I can tell you.

I'm a poo stain advisor.

I'm often asked if there's any other special skills that I possess alongside all the wonderful talents that I also possess such as cartooning, sprititualism, drain and sink unblocker, search engine optimisation, world peace envoy, psychologist and drame coach. Well I'm also a fully qualified poo stain advisor. I'm thinking of setting up my own poo hot line to advise pet owners and those living with elderly relatives on the best approach to various stains and mis-haps on various floor surfaces.

Puppy poo is possibly the most common stain within the home. The best approach is to NOT PANIC. At the first signs of the puppy doing a poo it's very important to remove the puppy from the area (as the puppy might stand in the poo and spread it all over the house). I suggest that the puppy is taken outside and left there for some time to comtemplate it's actions. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: If you live in a 5th floor flat then DO NOT PUT THE PUPPY OUTSIDE. It will surely die, and while this will solve any future poo stain dramas, the sight of a five year old girl crying herself to sleep for months on end is not something I would want anyone else to go through.

Now to deal with the poo. How to deal with poo on carpet and how to deal with poo on a hard floor is entirely different. With one, you can sometimes just scrape, with the other you'll have to consider a commercially available cleaner.

What sort of poo is it? If it's a hard one then it might be possible to just pick it up and place it in a BIN OUTSIDE! This is very important. Do not place the poo in a waste paper basket in your office. You'll loose clients, take it from me! If it is a soft one then you might want to consider how well it matches the colour of the carpet before you start rubbing vigorously with your kitchen towel roll paper.
Well I hope that gives some hope to cartoonists having to deal with poo and other normal people who might have messy puppies. I can't go into detail about elderly relatives, as the wife has just informed me that my bath is ready, and "won't stay hot for very long".

Monday, 19 April 2010

Topical cartoons.

In order to produce topical cartoons, one must constantly be on top of the news at all times, 24 hours of the day. After I wake up, wash & have lunch I head to the news agents & flick through up to the minute periodicals such as Chat, OK, Take A Break & Razzle.
Within the covers of these informative reads you will find everything you need to create a cracking topical gag. Stories such as Catherine Zeta Jones getting caught chatting up some fellow at the Los Angeles embalmers. A fat tart called Keleisha from the Isle of Wight, telling the story of how her mastiff Corey, chewed off her ear & proceeded to choke & eventually die on the Elizabeth Duke hoop earring attached to it. Her eldest son, Chewbacca, was pretty upset as he had "nothing to lick when McDonalds was shut, like". Or simply some Dirty Gerty flashing her nunga nungas for Children In Need.
Anyway, I've attached an example of what I'm talking about. If anyone is interested in buying this topical cartoon, it's yours for £20.00.

Friday, 16 April 2010

Garden furniture (2): The garden table

I am often asked about my garden furniture; in fact you could describe it as a bit of a local tourist attraction. I often see people stop outside my front gate and stare at the goings-on in my garden (though it's usually that next door neighbour of mine up to his old games again).

But I digress ... due to the public demand that I reveal the secrets of my garden table, here it is! As you can see, the tabular bit of it is a very large cheese savoury biscuit. Which someone left on the lawn. For a while we thought it might be a millstone, as they look something like that, and then we thought a tractor might have lost a wheel in an OK Corral-style shootout (you get a lot of those round here) and then we realised its true nature. By the time we'd realised, a quite sizeable sapling had grown through the middle and - hey presto! - the garden table was born! In the summer, the leaf growth provides a suitable canopy for anyone not wishing to get a sunburnt botty.

Guests are invited to take a little nibble of its abundance, but for some reason none of them have done so yet. Still, all the more for us, eh? The more perspicacious among you will wonder how I manage to drag a middling-mature tree out of a potting shed; in fact, the potting shed is built in situ around the table and provides a nice little folly in an otherwise dreary winter scene.

By the way, I think I'm really beginning to get the hang of these talent-free cartoons, but I had to work at it.

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Election 2010 TV Debate.

I am often asked who I would vote for in the next election, which is going to be very soon (may, I think). This will decide who is going to be the next Prime Minister of England. Tonight there is a live TV debate on the TV tonight in which all the future prime ministers will get a chance to argue with each other and make the others look a bit shit. Who will  turn out to look the less shittest? Only that can be decided by the viewers. I think there's going to be a phone vote at the end. I'm watching it right now, but I haven't seen Ant & Dec OR Phillip Scofeild as yet.

David Cameron

In my serious series of political caricature, this is my ending. Last caricatire of the series is Mr David Cameron, wannbe MP and potential prime minister. My wife thinks he's quite dishy, and always gets excited when seeing him on the television. If he gets elected then I fear for my wife's sanity. A permanant state of excitedness isn't a healthy thing at all, and quite frankly I just can't keep up with her when she's very excited.

Next week: Leaders wives.

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

All tied up in cartoon ideas that'll make me lots of money.

The other day while I was very very busy drawing some cartoons for very important clients, I hit upon an idea for some cartoon merchandise that I feel could become the next big thing in fashion which I suppose would take me from the dizzy heights of cartoon designing to fashion designer. Now I realise that fashion designers without womanly bits are usually considered to be a little on the fruity side, and that's not the sort of thing for me at all. I don't like kissing the girlfriend when she's had more than 3 pints of Guinness as it is, so I couldn't handle all that sloppy congratulations that takes place at fashion awards shows or that sort of thing.

I prefer a nice firm grip instead. And that's something that I'll be getting from all the fashion designers when my idea becomes the best thing since the day-glow leg warmer. The best ideas are always ones that someone else has had first, but haven't had the genius to turn it into a brilliant idea for themselves and so just allow someone to take the idea forward to the next level.

Now those professional cartoonists who read this  blog will know how popular cartoon charactures are characters. Genglement will know that it's very important to wear a tie with a smart shirt when at work looking at very important paperwork, which can be quite drery. Office environments can be very dull places to be. So how can we, as professional cartoonists get some day light into these dreary offices? With the popularity of low energy light bulbs in most offices these day, perhaps there's a product combining cartoon characters and Gentlemen's formal wear that would make everyone's lives at the office more cheery from the very start of the working day? (dress down Fridays excluded of course).

I haven't quite fully formed the idea clearly in my head right now, not that I would give away such a brilliant idea on this blog anyway. I know cyberstalkers and other undesirables are reading this with their big jotter in their other hand, just waiting to absorb my genius. I'm quite careful where my ideas land when I'm gushing like this.

Three party's

I was so pleased with the background gradient for the nick clegg caricature that I thought it would make a great election banner for any floating voters out there. Who are you going to vote for?

Liberally applied gradient.

I thought it was only fair that I do a caricature of the leader of the liberal democrats, Nick Clegg MP. While I'm not entirely convinced that I've captured him quite as well as Gordon Brown the other day, I am very please with the three party gradient background I have created in photoshit.

Yellow for the liberals, red for labour and blue for the conservative party. I'm still waiting to hear from my local candidates which party will pledge to create new internet laws, so people can't upset me on the internet without being arrested by a special squad of the constablulary.

I think crimes against cartoonists should be taken more seriously.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Google is your friend.

I am often asked how I write such successful articles for the web/internet. Writing articles for the web is much easier than writing them for real life, as most of the readers do not have very high standards. It's a waste of time writing with proper grammers and spellings as no one will notice. A glut of spelling errors can actually enhance your prominance in Google, so sometimes it's benificial to spell well known words incorrectly, as then you'll be number #1 for that mis-spelled term within Google.

I have written many ghost articles and ghoul articles for other websites. If you are drifting around the web and you see a poorly written article on drain cleaning services, or mobility scooter hire, then it's probably written by me, or one of the team working here at Talent Free.

The most important consideration when writing for the web is how Google sees your article, and where it places it on the search results. Anything that appears more than 300 pages into a web search isn't going to get noticed at all, so there's no point to writing it.

If you have a web site and you'd like an article writing then I can help! My fees start from just £20 per hour, so as long as my computer doesn't crash, or I get chatting to Berol half way through working on it, a typical article on carpet warehouses could cost less than £50.

Contact me at (business email address). There is no charge for sending an email.

Monday, 12 April 2010

Gordon Brown has an election.

It's election time, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to show you all my caricature of Mr Gordon Brown, the current prime minister of England.

I used Photoshit, a free image editor for children, and to colour it in a bit I used an optical mouse.

I find it incredibly easy to drawer carticatures of famous people who have a photograph on Google images. I think I've captured something very special about this popular public figure.

The drawing was hand shaded using the fill tool.

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Summer furniture: the garden chair

As Leonard says, summer is a wonderful time of year, and being that we've had 24.7 mins of brilliant sunshine here today, I think that more than counts as an English summer, don't you? (Not forgetting parts of Scotland excluding the Welsh because they already have Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones).

Well, here's an example of a brilliant item of garden furniture you won't find in Argos in Bromsgrove, I can tell you that for nothing! (Well, it'll cost you £20.00 actually, but we'll talk about the money later). It's the GARDEN CHAIR!!! It is a very environmentally friendly chair, featuring upright timbers for woodpeckers to practise on, telegraph wires for migrating birds to perch on for a brief stopover on their way to Africa, with leaves for insects to go on so the birdies can eat them. So it's a bit of a 'Little Chef' really. You will notice the very attractive upholstery, resplendent with nest material spilling out of every hole.

If you have one of these, you'll be the envy of all your neighbours. My next-door-neighbour even reckons mine sends him secret messages, and he tried to throw it in the pond!

Summer is here already.

I'm often asked how come that I always seem happier in the summer months like we are experiencing right now. The answer is simple. I'm a qualified summerist, and spiritualist. Summer is a great time to wear flip flops, or thongs as they say in Austria.

Summer is a lovely time of the year. If you have a garden, you might like to spend some time sitting in your garden, or just walking around it, if you don't have any garden furniture. Wearing long johns and jumpers during summer like we are having now is not a good way to enjoy summer, and you will sweat like an overweight nun. The best thing to wear is something the shops like to call summer clothes. If you're a lady, then wearing as little as possible is a great way to enjoy the summer. Bikini wearing is an excellent way to show everyone you know how to have a good summer, unless you have lumpy legs in which case it's probably better to wear a thick jogging suit, or just stay indoors until winter sets in.

If you are an older person then you'll still require a cardigan even during the hottest of days of the year. Something to watch out for during the summer, when the sun is always in the sky (even at night, it's still there during the summer!) then you'll need some sun cream protection. Be careful when selecting your sun cream protection. Some of the sun cream protection on sale in shops that sell things like this sell sun cream that doesn't really protect you properly from the sun. Fortunately there's a numbering system that can tell you how good a sun cream protection is good at protection. The lower the number, the better the protection. So sun factor 4 cream is brilliant, and sun factor cream protection 50 is 25 times worse! Any ladies in bikinis who require advice on application of sun cream factor protection can always email me for advice.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

You Can Become a Children's Book Reviewer, too!

I am often asked to recommend children’s books, especially to adult readers who have problems forming words and prefer to start with very short ones, and then progress to four-letter words.

Well, I have to say that the most impressive piece of children’s literature I’ve read since last Tuesday has got to be ‘The Donuts’, which tells the story of the adventurous life of a talking doughnut. He has a dreadful time; he is required by bullies to devour his own little sister without being able to lick his lips to get rid of the sugar (or pay a forfeit of £20.00), is attacked in a park by a boiled egg, high on crack, and is dunked in a pond of chocolate sauce to determine whether or not he is a witch. It’s not surprising, therefore, that he grows a third arm from the middle of his chest and starts to look like Victoria Beckham.

I read this book for the first time, when it was only in manuscript form, whilst I was on work experience at Poncey Twitt Publishing, back in 1978. I could see very clearly that this work was a metaphor for gang culture which has become all too prevalent in all echelons of society, and I totally ignored the two editors, the junior editor, the secretary and the cleaner who were passing it around whilst trying not to pass too much water – they were laughing that much. In the wrong way.

There is no truth whatsoever in the rumour that this is a piece of vanity publishing by a manager of a small NHS psychiatric unit. None whatsoever, do you hear? No, this is a serious piece of literature, insightful, thoughtful, perceptive … and illustrated profusely with Talent Free cartoons.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

How to tell if your partner's cheating (and not just at cards)

Your female intuition is telling you that your man might be having it off with someone else, but if you’re a bloke then your female intuition isn’t a fat lot of use, so borrow someone else’s (remember to ask first).

First how to tell if he’s lying:
Ask him a direct yes/no question, like: 'Are you dipping your little pen in someone else's inkpot?' Then look quickly behind his back. If he’s got his fingers crossed – HE ISN’T TELLING THE TRUTH!

What happens when you accuse him of cheating?
If he puts on a cloak and attacks you with a dagger, you’re probably right.

Evidence of cheating
Have you actually caught him bonking someone else? You can tell if this is happening if he’s in bed getting his rocks off with someone, and you’re nowhere near the bed at the time. It’s a fair bet it’s not you.

Is he taking more interest in changing his underwear? Perhaps he’s changed it for the first time in eight years. If he comes back in wearing a frilly crimson thong which you haven’t seen before, he’s probably got it from someone else.

Is the other woman someone you know?
Does your husband insist on giving your best friend a lift home, and then not coming back for three weeks? What is their body language like when they are together? Does he try to stick his tongue down her throat when normally he’d just shake her hand?

How does your friend react when you openly display affection to your husband? Does she look aggravated, and attack you with a baseball bat?

The above are just a few indications that your man may be putting it about a bit; he may also be dishonest in other ways. Here’s a handy diagram to help you identify an unfaithful husband. If, of course, you’re a bloke, then colour in a bit more hair so it looks like a woman.

By the way, drawing cartoons of the standard required by Talent Free is much harder than it looks. In the end I had to get Tootsie to help out. My admiration for Leonard grows daily - he just makes it look so EASY.

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Research Material for the Cartoonist

Having reference material on hand for reference is handy. I have many forms of reference around my house. Periodical magazines, Disney dvds & a small suitcase of rhythm magazines under my bed just in case I've been dreaming of cartoons & wake up needing some inspiration.
I would often sit in a dentist waiting room & thumb through a copy Decay Monthly knowing a laugh is to be had in there somewhere. I would often sit in a doctor waiting room thumbing through a copy of National Geographic & think, "Ooh, you don't see many like those in this country. Not that far south, anyway". I would like to add that it's not wise to shout it out whilst waving the magazine in the face of a octogenarian lady sat with her sleeve rolled up waiting for a flu jab. You only end up having to go through all of that form filling at your new doctor's. Takes ages.
Try to steer clear of religious books such as The Bible/Tora/Koran/Night Before Christmas & The Hobbit etc. Certain people get upset &, to put it in the words of teenagers, get well miffed, guy. One things for sure, I don't want no shanking, geezer.
So, to summarise. Get some books in. They're brilliant.
Before I finish off, has anyone got a copy of Razzle May 2009 as my copy won't open? It's got a good car feature that I need to research.

What is a cartoonist?

I'm often asked when people find out I'm a cartoonist (since February 2010) what a cartoonist is. These people are not stupid, as you may first think. They simply don't know what a cartoonist is, or what a cartoonist does. I can be confusing for the ordinary, drab people I come across from time to time.

I like to think that there's several types of cartoonists and here is the two examples I'm allowed to tell you about.

The definition of a cartoonist is someone who draws cartoons. This may be someone who has a full set of gel pens, or perhaps has only just a Berol Handwriting pen. They may draw their cartoons on some sort of paper, or maybe even a piece of cardboard they found in the recycle bin. These 'cartoons' or humorous pictures might be amusing, but they don't have to be.

The definition of a pro- cartoonist is someone who sells their cartoons for money, or perhaps stationary supplies. These sorts of cartoonists are mainly motivated by the desire to be famous and rich, like Van Golf or David Hockey. Now that's not to say that these cartoonists don't draw good cartoons, they often do, but many of them have been corrupted by the scent of wealth and fame. They draw maybe 6 or 7 cartoons to a national publication, and that's them set up for life!

Many of the professional cartoonist I know are lovely people, but they are often horrible towards those they see as 'amateur' cartoonists, and no matter how crap their cartoons are, will not offer words of encouragement. They'll say terrible things like "you really need to improve your drawing skills" or "the cartoon just isn't funny". This clearly demonstrate how cruel professional cartoonist can  be towards amateur cartoonists that want to steal their jobs.

So there's a lesson for all us cartoonists. If you are an amateur cartoonist, then you mustn't listen to the bitter ramblings from the professionals that are probably just threatened by your skills with a gel pen (some of these so-called professionals use such antiquated tools as brushes, or dip pens!).

If you are a professional cartoonist (and I suspect there might be quite a few reading this blog) then you need to understand that while YOU might not find the work of the up and coming amateurs that impressive, you should always be polite and encouraging. It doesn't matter that you are not impressed with their cartoons. Their friends and family are impressed, and if only their friends and family had a million pound publishing empire, then they would be selling cartoons to them all the time, and you'd be signing on, or picking vegetables!

Sunday, 4 April 2010

I've entered a contest to win.

The policeman is calling edwina a dirty pig, and she is thinking that
he is a dirty pig but she's not sure how dirty he is.
I've entered this cartoon in a contest on a cartoonist forum for professional cartoonists. I have my legal team ready, incase I don't get any votes. I think it's possibly the best cartoon in the contest, but knowing how cliche the cartoonist forum can be, I'm expecting a conspiracy against my cartoon. I'll probably be disqualified on a techincality or something, like not meeting the deadline, but as I say to many of my clients, I can't work well within a deadline. I'm a cartoonist (and article writer, and spiritualist), not a bloody performing monkey!!!!

Saturday, 3 April 2010

Envelopes for Very Funny Greetings Cards

I've surfed the web, and found these brilliant envelopes, which I'm sure everyone will agree would be just brilliant for the very funny greetings cards you can order online from this blog. They're also very exclusive, only one of each design being in existence, and even then only in a virtual sort of a way. If anyone orders any cards we may need to get one printed, or even order a print run of three or four.

Note: only one envelope per card, please. You'll need to supply your own Evostick if you want the flap to stay shut.

Design No. 1 "The Dambuster"

Design No. 2 "Erotomania"

Design No. 3 "Freshly Ironed Cabbage Leaves Should be Applied to the Aching Joint"

I'm sure you'll agree that these will add that final touch of real style to your communications.

Friday, 2 April 2010

Healthy Body=Healthy Mind.

Healthy Body=Healthy Mind.

Hello, one and all.
I'd like to begin my ramblings on this blog with a lesson on fitness. You see, I believe that in order to become a successful cartoonist such as myself, one mustn't rely just on pure talent with felt/glitter/gel/dip/fountain/ball point pens or various leaded pencils such as HB/2HB/3HB/4Hb. You get the picture. (no pun intended) I believe one must have a healthy mind....Brush pen. I forgot brush pens.
Now, in order to achieve a healthy mind one must first achieve a healthy body...Biro. The best way to gain a healthy body is by exercise. Running is a brilliant low cost, high impact form of fitness which eventually buggers your knees, so make the most of it. In order to run comfortably one must first purchase the correct clothing. If you're fortunate like me, you can probably pick up the correct kit for as little as £20.00. Or, if you're quick enough (this will come after approx. 4-6 weeks of training) you'll be able to nick some from the changing rooms of your local running club/sports centre. Don't be too hasty or, like me, you could be wearing a sports bra with over generous cups.
Here's a list...Fluorescent running cap. A must for fluorescent runners/joggers
Vest. A must for runners/joggers who like vests
Ron Hill Tracksters. A must for runners/joggers who want to look like complete chalk pens. (Ideal for glass & blackboards)
Training shoes. Shoes for training in. Cross trainers are ideal for runners/joggers with short tempers. Training pants are for children up to 4-5 years old. Tena pants are ideal for running in short spurts.
Energy bar. These are for runners/joggers who still need to stuff their faces with a sweet chew whilst exercising. (Can be stored neatly in the little front pocket of your Tracksters).
I have included a cartoon to support this piece. (In a separate post)
Please be aware that for £20.00 I can supply you with a comprehensive training programme to stop being fat.
Paul .

Funny Greetings Cards.

I've decided that it's about time that I began to be a successful Funny Greetings Card artist, alongside being a fantastic cartoonist and article writer.

There's something wrong with the Zazzle shop that I set up, as no matter how many brilliant designed funny greetings cards I post on there, I'm not making any sales at all. Clearly it's something to do with the Zazzle software. I tried to make them aware of the problem, but they are just ignoring my emails.

Nevermind. Here is a few designs of my fantastic cartoon greetings cards, designs.

Thursday, 1 April 2010

How to get ideas for cartoons when you don't have any ideas, but you do have a gel pen and a blank piece of paper.

I am often asked by the many dozens of people that follow this and the many other search engine optimised blogs and websites that I write and drawer for, how I think of all my brilliant ideas.

I have to be honest, sometimes it's not easy. Producing such high quality articles and mediocre cartoons all the bloody time is not easy. I am of course helped by my wonderful co-authors with some  excellent Talent Free articles, when they can be bothered, but most of the responsibility rests on me!

What I do when I'm struggling to come up  with a brilliant idea is to think of some interesting things that are happening around me. I use my eyes, and have a look around the room. If that fails, then I open the curtains and look outside. Watching people go about their normal business can be a great idea for inspiration. Only the other day, my good friend and legal expert, Burt was obviously unloading his daughter in laws car. By observing the carrier bags that all the shopping was in, I could see that they must have been to the Co-Op. This got me thinking about how these days it's so hard to buy anything in a shop without being asked in an accusational tone if you'd like a carrier bag. This made me think of a wonderful idea for a cartoon. Unfortunately it did not give me an idea for a brilliant article, so I'm just posting the cartoon.
Hilarious Topical Carrier Bag Cartoon